Sheldon Cooper: Quick poll! PS4 or Xbox One? Raj?
Raj Koothrappali: Uh, Xbox One.
Sheldon Cooper: Penny!
Sheldon Cooper: Leonard!
Leonard Hofstadter: PS4.
Sheldon Cooper: Wolowitz!
Howard Wolowitz: They're both great.
Sheldon Cooper: Bernadette!
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I like the Wii.
Sheldon Cooper: Thanks, grandma.
Sheldon Cooper: First, there was PS1, then PS2, followed by PS3, and now PS4. Logical, right? But with the XBox, instead of XBox 2, they had XBox 360. And now there's XBox One... Why one? Probably the amount of time it took to come up with the name.
Raj Koothrappali: Penny, two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega. And it is said they were deeply in love, but forever separated by the celestial river of the Milky Way.
Penny: Oh, that's sad.
Raj Koothrappali: It is. But once a year on the seventh day of the seventh month, Vega cries so hard that all the magpies of the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings so the two lovers can be together for single night of passion.
Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, that's enough!
Amy Farrah Fowler: How can you possibly make a decision?
Sheldon Cooper: I don't know.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [shouting] Please pass the butter!
Sheldon Cooper: On the one hand, the XBox One has a camera. On the other hand, the PS4 has a removable hard drive. Thoughts?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I can't feel my legs.
Amy Farrah Fowler: How about this. They say if you flip a coin, it shows your true feelings, because you'll either be excited or disappointed by the outcome. So, heads it's an XBox One, tails it's a PS4.
Sheldon Cooper: All right.
Amy Farrah Fowler: So, what is it?
Sheldon Cooper: A quarter.
[Tosses quarter away]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Could have given it back to me. That was a choice.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh. How you're audition go?
Penny: I killed it. I was able to cry real tears on the spot.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, that's great.
Penny: Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here comes the waterworks.
Sheldon Cooper: [Running away] Here comes the waterworks!
Leonard Hofstadter: Aren't you going to ask?
Penny: What? Is this my first day?
Emily: Your friend e-mailed me because you were afraid to so you tracked me down and acted like a lunatic.
Penny: Sometimes I feel like I can control the killer gorilla instinct inside of me, but then I see these bananas and then I want to eat them and then kill people. What am I gonna do?
Leonard Hofstadter: For one thing, I wouldn't eat those bananas.
Leonard Hofstadter: I know it's a stupid question, but why are you being stupid?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Does this make me a horrible person?
Amy Farrah Fowler: No, of course not. It was an accident.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: What about that I wish she would die before she read the card?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Okay, now you're straddling the line.
Raj Koothrappali: What was I thinking? I can't handle two women. Zero women, that's my sweet spot.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Can I get your opinion on something that happened at work today?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Of course.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Okay, well, I did something that will either make me look like a lovable goof, or a horrible monster, damned to spend eternity in hell.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, I'm sure it's lovable.
Penny: I'm gonna' go with monster. What do ya' got?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, there's this lady in our office who's retiring, and they were passing around one of those big cards for us to sign, but no one told me she was in a horrible car accident over the weekend, and what I was signing was not a retirement card, but was actually a get well card.
Penny: [laughing] I'm liking my odds here.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: So on the card, in the hospital, next to the woman who's clinging to life, are the words "Hey Vivian, you deserve this. And at least with you gone, no one will steal my yogurt out of the fridge. LOL, smiley. P.S., Good luck, wherever you wind up."
Penny: Why didn't I put money on this?