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Porn finger-painting by the numbers
lor_18 July 2019
Usually reliable Adult Cinema director Stuart Canterbury joins the ranks of underachievers with this thin imitation of the Julia Roberts/Richard Gere hit, delivering copies of several scenes, adding up to next to nothing.

Casting quirky porn star Dana DeArmond in the title role was a fine idea, but keeping her usual ebullience and unpredictability in check was a dumb notion. When not reminding the viewer of the original, the show lurches into a series of totally extraneous sex scenes, rendering it a non-starter.

Of course the porn-parody craze, which hopefully is dying some seven years after this baby was released, is based on nostalgia, of the type "I wonder what it would look like if Lt. Uhura humped Capt. Kirk". So we get familiar porn stars imitating familiar Hollywood mainstream stars, while the director delivers CliffsNotes scenes of plagiarism.

Notably lacking is the comedy content of Garry Marshall's original, starting with the unwise excising of Larry Miller's character. What we're left with is a smug, unappealing performance by Otto Bauer in the Gere role, and such dumb ideas as pairing Mark Wood and Madison Ivy as hotel manager and desk clerk, having sex to kill off a reel or so. Beauties Melanie Jacobs and Jayden Cole have a lesbian scene as sales associates, while director Canterbury leaves out (after setting up) both Dana's shopping spree scenes on Rodeo Drive and a gala party Otto is taking her to.

Stealing much of Dana's sexual thunder is big-butt queen Jada Stevens, providing anal sex in what would be called a "show-stopper" had this been a porn-parody of the Broadway musical adaptation rather than the original.
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