- Douglas Davenport: Look, I know you're mad, but at least I'm not tryin' to abduct the kids anymore.
- Chase Davenport: That's true. He hasn't committed a felony in weeks!
- Douglas Davenport: Days.
- Chase Davenport: Days!
- Chase Davenport: Well, if you know what it's like, then why won't you help me?
- Douglas Davenport: Sorry, Chase, he said no, and I've got to stay on his good side or else he'll cut off my allowance. I'm savin' up to buy a car. You know, in case I have to live in it.
- Chase Davenport: You know what? Fine. I get it. Mr. Davenport is smarter, and older, and he controls you.
- Douglas Davenport: He doesn't CONTROL me. He just tells me what to do and when to... Okay, you're on.
- Douglas Davenport: [sticking a tracer on Chase's neck] This...
- Chase Davenport: Ow.
- Douglas Davenport: ...will let me look through your list of hidden abilities and see which one to give ya.
- Chase Davenport: Why don''t you just give me 'em all?
- Douglas Davenport: No way. The human body can only take so much. It's... it's like a water balloon. You fill it up too much and... well, I don't want to spend the night scrapin' Chase chunks off the ceiling.
- Adam Davenport: I'm tryin' to figure out which is scarier, okay? One hundred duck-size horses or one giant horse-size duck.
- Principal Perry: Ooo, I've been banned from a lot of places - movie theaters, churches, Detroit - and if the great state of Michigan can't keep me out, what chance do you have?
- Scott: Fine. How can I help you - in a way that'll make you leave as soon as possible?
- Principal Perry: What're you doin' here, Dooley? Shouldn't you be at home disappointing your parents?
- Leo Dooley: Shouldn't you be at the food court, stealing other people's lunches?
- Chase Davenport: I'm so tired of him. So far this week, I've been his weight set, his football and his jump rope.
- Donald Davenport: Well, on the bright side, you've never looked so fit.
- Adam Davenport: All right, Chase. My hammys are loose. I'm ready for round two.
- Chase Davenport: [warningly] Ah-ah-ah. Mr. Davenport said ya can't bench press me anymore.
- Adam Davenport: Yeah, but he didn't say anything about you bein' my shot put. Come on, let's go for gold!
- Chase Davenport: I thought you just agreed that things should go back to being normal.
- Adam Davenport: Well, they ARE. I'm more powerful than you again and there's nothing you can do about it.