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Speed 2. Caddyshack 2. Exorcist 2. Star Wars Episode II. These are what
are typically named as the worst direct sequels ever.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 may be worse than a quadruple feature of all of those. I mean it when I say Paul Blart 2 is one of the most unfunny, moronic, brain cell killing experiences I've had in a cinema. There's an extended sequence where an old man eats a rotten banana that goes on for around 15 seconds. The film begins with Blart's elderly mom getting killed by a milk truck. There's a part where Blart interrupts a stage show and knocks out all the dancers by spinning around on a rope while squealing. There's a part where Blart is attacked by and beats an exotic bird while a piano player nods and smiles (DUDE JUXTAPOSITION LMAO). There's a entire segment dedicated to showcasing multiple Checkov's Guns in the form of a mall cop convention (As if those even existed). I dunno I didn't enjoy it.
Blart is somehow more unlikable this time around. Rather than a smug dumbass, he's now a smug asshole. The "film" is 50% him making fun of people, 30% Blart falling down, 20% plot holes, and 0% funny. I maybe chucked at some points, but truth is I don't even remember the movie or what it was I chucked at. I can say for sure there are more helicopter shots reminding the target audience (Who to be fair also probably need to be reminded to breathe and blink) that the movie is set in Vegas than there were chuckles.
You know that rotten banana I mentioned? Paul Blart 2 is that banana, and the man eating is is the decrepit and moronic public eating up the film's schlock yet again, probably paving the way for another opportunity for Adam Sandler and co. to shill even more money out of Hollywood for his posse. Like my painful experience with Transformers 4, people once again applauded upon conclusion, one elderly couple saying "That was too funny!"
There's tastes in humor and then there's standards in humor. Paul Blart 2 wasn't unfunny to me because it did not pander to my sense of humor. If anything it should have; with all the misogyny and ridiculing of fat people it should have struck my dark humor funny bone. However, there's no gags, there's no punchlines, there's no jokes. There's also no emotional backbone, chemistry, or even real characters to back it up. Characters literally appear and disappear throughout the narrative. I don't even think the villain had a name. I don't think anyone not buds with Blart had one.
This time around, not only is Paul Blart a bland copy of Die Hard, but Taken and Ocean's 11. The plot is a cluster-f of nothing. The first 45 minutes are, like I mentioned, just Blart riding around and getting up in everyone's faces for "comedic" purposes, with plenty of empty time given for the target audience to laugh hysterically at like a bad sitcom. The actual "Paul Blart beating baddies" isn't until the film's finale, and even then he doesn't actually beat anyone, because all of his "weapons" are stupidly non-lethal, including a stun gun that only stuns people for 5 seconds, a gun that shoots gum, a gun that spills marbles vertically, and a bean bag cannon. Two characters actually fall asleep in the movie, one of them twice. I felt a kinship to them for that reason.
There's a romantic subplot with Blart's daughter and a bellhop that goes literally nowhere and an even more forced "romantic subplot" between a hotel manager and Blart. She gets progressively wetter and wetter for him throughout the film, which to me is too far of a stretch of imagination to comprehend and accept. This also leads to nowhere. The female cop on the horse in he trailer? That is literally the ending. Blart himself is beyond unlikable and revolting. He is not reluctant like John McClain from Die Hard, he craves to be the center of attention since his saving on the mall 6 years ago became utterly irrelevant the day after (I wish I could say the same for the movie itself). He's incompetent, rude, crude, and physically unable to actually do anything heroic. He'd make a good anti-hero if he wasn't presented as this humble all American goody two shoes as the movie does.
The movie doesn't even take place in a mall. What's up with that? With truly atrocious jokeless dialogue ("I will bring a folk guitar to a pumpkin fight, because that's how crazy I am!"), beyond unlikable characters, an incompetent lead, a transparent and personality-less villain, disappearing subplots, stretched imagination, cliché and trope filled writing I can say Baul Plart: pop Tart Too is one of the worst films I've ever seen. Offensively stupid and brash, this blatant cashgrab managed one seemingly impossible feat, sink even lower than the previous film. Utterly baffling, this 1.5 hour Wynn commercial (Not a single scene takes place outside of it once they arrive) is to me the Transformers 2 of comedy, a wretched anorexic piece with no soul, craft, or effort put into it at all. The fraction of points I award it are for the laughs my friends and I had at making fun of it and a single shot that lasted a third of a second that looked pretty cool.
Who are theses people who loved this movie. It is a complete waste of time and any resources required to produce this steaming pile of garbage. Everyone involved should be ashamed. I ashamed that I watched it. It cost me a whole 75 cents to rent this disaster and in my history of bad investments this is definite the worst offense. That is how bad I think this thing, I can't even call it a movie, is. I can't even believe I have to write ten lines to have this posted. How many ways can I say I hated everything about it. The acting was grade school quality, the plot was nonexistent. To say every bit of cheap comedy and slap stick was predictable is an understatement. Seriously, I only gave it one star because that's as low as the ratings go.
With the reviews here, I was expecting a terrible movie. I probably wouldn't have bothered with it but it was a free On Demand option recently. The worst thing about it was the lengthy setup, with plenty of exposition from the previous film followed by a lot of nothing before the actual story takes place. Once that began, I thought it had reasonably funny moments reminiscent of the original. I also appreciated that it had no memorable profanity that would have made it unsuitable for children, like so many "family" films these days. However, it was a one and done film; I don't see subjecting myself to repeat viewings.
I don't write reviews very often. I have to feel moved to write one.
I liked the first Paul Blart movie. It was goofy innocent fun.
IMDb can be a joke as people rate and comment on movies they have not seen. Many of these comments and ratings come even before the movie has even really been released. Many comments out there were bashing the first one and saying there was no reason for a second one. But yes, there was reason for a second one if it is well done.
I will keep it light and avoid spoilers. This movie lacked the charm of the first one. Paul Blart was likable in the first one. For this one he was a total buffoon.
In addition, the first one made sense as Paul Blart was the only person other than the criminals and hostages in the mall as it was closed. This one takes place in a casino in Las Vegas and everyone knows that they are open 24 hours a day. Why were the police never contacted? Paul Blart was never even hired by the casino as security he was only there for a convention.
Also, the fighting scenes with the bad guys last 15 to 20 minutes. Paul actually only fights 2 guys on his own.
I really wanted to like this one, but the 3 of us that tried watching it were all bored.
There are a couple laugh out loud moments and this movie is suitable for families, but it was awful. Reminded me of the old Dana Carvey movie the Master of Disguise. Just a moronic stupid movie and not likable either. Do yourself a favor and leave your Paul Blart memories with the conclusion of the first movie. This script needed a major overhaul.
PAUL BLART MALL COP 2 review by Mike Smith
After six years of keeping our malls safe, Paul Blart has earned a well-deserved vacation. He heads to Vegas with his teenage daughter before she heads off to college. But safety never takes a holiday and when duty calls, Blart answers.
Well the first film wasn't the best movie I have ever seen but it was a good family movie and I did have some chuckles. On the other hand Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 was an unbearable watch; the jokes fall flat and they feel really forced. The first movie was a good family film, but to make your family watch this god awful sequel is more like torture.
The cast did feel like they had fun making it but I wish I felt the same way about watching this movie. There wasn't anything good about the film at all so take my word for it and save yourself some time. Cheers and remember I watch the crappy movies so you don't have to.
1 out of 10
edited by Samantha Locke
facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/FatMikesMovieReviews
Although the original "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was a box office hit, I don't think anyone was exactly clamouring for a sequel. But here one is, and it's pretty much like the first movie, namely that it's a comic take on the formula the action movie "Die Hard" gave birth to. While there are a handful of gags that this adult did find to be (mildly) amusing, the humor for the most part is simple-minded and lame, with a number of gags recycled from the first movie. Kids (YOUNG kids) might find the humor to be funny, but I think other adults like myself will sit in silence like I did. Is there anything of merit to be found in the movie? Well, Kevin James does bring in an instant likability, like he did in the first movie. But he really needs someone else to write his material. And the movie looks great, with expert photography and lighting that makes the colors pop out of your television set. So if your kids insist on dragging you to see this movie with them, make sure you get the Blu-ray disc.
OK, I liked of the first Paul Blart movie. It was a cute story with a
humour that was family-friendly, somewhat cheesy but nonetheless,
Maybe thats why I had higher expectations for this sequel. But when you use jokes from the previous movie, you're left feeling robbed. Did they seriously think we weren't going to notice? Literally the only thing that changed was the setting, which instead of a mall its a hotel/casino.
With that said, it does not totally blow. Some funny bits here and there, cheesy jokes, and action scenes.
Conclusion: Don't expect to be moved by this film, expect to chuckle once in a while, and spend 94 minutes watching an typical plot unfold.
I was a self deprecating fool, and then it happened... my life was
changed in an instant... I came in contact with my lord and savior PAUL
BLART. His Holiness actions have bettered my life through teachings of
love and self discipline. I have changed my ways thanks to that man
with a moderate to severe food addiction. I wait patiently as he
embarks on a new chapter in his life where I can merely watch from a
distant as the creation of the third installment to the Mall Cop
franchise. Right now i can only speculate the coming tales of rigorous
action and devote intent on keeping public areas safe in this time of
fear and hate. He is a shining example of human courage and
masculinity. I cannot wait to see what ensues in this fictional
-Godspeed, Officer Blart
With Great esteem, HAO
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
This is the kind of film we need more of in America. No profanity, no homos, no murder, no blood, just good clean family friendly fun. I am a big fan of Kevin James and his comedy, and I was not disappointed with this film. Loved every minute of this film. The actual film concerns Paul Blart and his daughter's vacation to Las Vegas. Of course crime and hilarity ensue. You will especially love the scene with the large bird. I found myself laughing out loud at this scene. Kevin James' brother, Gary Valentine, has a wonderful part in this film. I like the way Kevin James looks out for him family. Do yourself and your family a favor and catch this film.
I was so surprised to see so many negative reviews for this movie. By far it is the best movie I have seen in years! The storyline is well written the acting is amazing. The humor is just plain funny! It is now my favorite movie! Kevin James is by far my favorite actor. It is about Paul Blart and his daughter Maya, who were both excellent in this film. They get invited to beautiful Wynn las Vegas for a vacation and the security guards honor ceremony. But safety never takes a holiday. When thieves plan to steal valuable art from the resort, Paul has to pull off another one of his heroic saves! Never listen to a critic. It is a must see!
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