On the brink of reaching the pinnacle of his film career for his latest theatrical masterpiece; Director Charlie Buckwald suddenly disappears. Taking all of the footage and leaving ... See full summary »
After General Flavius Aetius frees the Roman Empire from the clutches of Attila the Hun, Rome is once again secure. However, this assurance is short-lived, as Attila is no longer a threat, ... See full summary »
Laura and Marta share a nice apartment. Laura, the youngest one, began to document their life in the house with her camera. Marta undergoes the continual jokes of the friend. One day Laura,... See full summary »
Adam learns that his Yogi guru, Anand, has discovered a prophesy that was printed on his birth chart - he would die in an accident at the age of 27; and when Anand invites Adam to join him ... See full summary »
Ariane de Bonvoisin,
Table 58 is the odd table in the lunchroom, made up of kids from all different social cliques. When new kid Logan moves to town, he rallies the mismatched group together and they form an ... See full summary »
What looks like a student film? Sounds like a student film? Feels like a student film? And even smells like a student film?
If you answered: "A student film"! You'd be right! And you've just won a multi-pack of Fleet brand disposable enema kits.
And isn't it nice being right? Everyone loves being right. Which makes me think of my aunt. Her name was Lucy, and she was, and is... always wrong about nearly everything. We used to call her "Aunt Wrong". She didn't like that nickname very much, because my uncle gave it to her. He also gave her black eyes several times a year. That made our side of the family hate him. Who does that to their own wife?? Aside from Alabama residents, I mean.
But anyway, beaten wife or not, she was pretty much wrong about everything. Her rather cruel husband would often ask her questions just so she'd embarrass herself in front of the family trying to answer them. We felt great sympathy for her. Yet, we still would marvel at how any sane adult, who had graduated from Jr. High, who didn't have a learning disability, could so consistently be wrong. We sometimes assumed she was doing it on purpose, since nobody could ever be so incorrect all of the time without trying.
But we digress greatly.
It was at our home that Aunt Wrong, her abusive husband, and a few other members of the family watched about three quarters of this fine film. No one got beaten that night, no quarrels, and our uncle was almost completely sober. And little did we know, it was about to become a memorable evening, thanks to this excellent film.
Not even 10 minutes into this middle-school masterpiece, Aunt wrong loudly declared "Dis film sux"! Which made us giggle, but the full weight of her statement didn't kick in for another few seconds, like when you are struck in the testicles.
"OH SNAP....SHE'S RIGHT", said my eldest brother. Which immediately made our other aunt, who we call "Mumbles" to half-jokingly check Aunt Wrong's temperature and blood pressure. The film did indeed "Sux", but more importantly, Aunt Wrong was RIGHT! What an odd but memorable evening.
Sadly, it appears to have been only a temporary detour from her usual chronic-incorrectness. Not even a day later, she seemed hell-bent on proving to everyone that the previous evening was just a fluke.
So what have we learned? Well, firstly, that an Aunt can rarely change her spots. And second, that Niner is a film which clearly and absolutely sux to the point where even an aunt with mild brain damage can clearly see it. However, your own mileage might vary. If you have an aunt with a severe mental disorder, or one who has functional retardation or less, they might enjoy this film greatly. Heck, you never know, right?
But for the rest of the world, it's difficult to watch. If I were the instructor for whichever community college the producers are studying film production at, I'd give it a rather low C, even by student film standards. And I would encourage them to seek a different major next semester. Like perhaps, cultural anthropology, waste management, or animal husbandry.
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