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Lust Bite (2011)

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Credited cast:
Vampire Queen
Spokesvampire Jessica Jaymes
Vampire 2nd in Command
Presley Maddox ...
Sabrina Maree ...
Chauffeur Jordan
Det. Scott Nails
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Lucky Starr ...


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They'll suck you dry.


Adult | Fantasy | Horror


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9 September 2011 (USA)  »

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Vampires wear fishnet stockings: boring latter-day Brazzers crap
29 February 2016 | by See all my reviews

Gradually replacing the beloved (and successful) Brazzers 4-hour vignettes videos are these new "series" - some fine ones from Britain, and this crap directed by (Brett) Brando. The slick femme director Mason is incorrectly blamed in IMDb, but screen credit goes to Mr. B, who also directed a similarly crummy Brazzers murder mystery with the same leading man titled "One Night in the Valley".

Running time is confusing: the DVD clocks in at 96 minutes but has a "bonus" version included at 116 minutes - I didn't do an A/B comparison to see what was left out. In any event, it pales by comparison with the gold standard of 190 to 250 minutes one expects from the old 6 separate vignettes Brazzers approach.

Repeated credits and "previously on" TV style recaps pad out the 96-min. version. It's a very lame vampire saga starring Scott Nails as a not-so intrepid cop investigating serial killings which are attributed to vampires. This being a series, the premise of the earlier of 4 episodes does not agree with that later on, pure sloppiness. The male victims have their dicks bitten off (off-screen), but later on the female vampires start biting victims more conventionally on the neck -go figure.

It's idiotic and repetitive and I hated the central gimmick. A newscast featuring vampire spokesperson (not really, she's literally a spokesvampire) Jessica Jaymes establishes that we are in a fictional universe where vampires and humans coexist, in an uneasy truce. Confusing flashback structure (ineptly executed by Brando) has evil queen of the vampires Lisa Ann plotting the truce as if she were running North Korea -it's all a fake to bamboozle the humans and ultimately wipe them out. The vampires have a trump card (pun intended during our political primaries season) in that they can turn humans into vampires if they so wish.

The only redeeming element here is a consistent black & red color scheme, conforming to furniture, backgrounds and costumes, and fitting the goth plus blood red subject matter. Scene late in the game when Lisa Ann is finally introduced is very poorly lit (and not done over in another take -this is low-budget land) but Lisa's deep-tanned huge boobs are impressive once we get to see them properly lit.

Her second in command Diamond Foxxx is the real star of the show, though I enjoyed seeing Asa Akira more, clearly slumming at this point in her superstar career. Humping is routine. The vampires consistently dress in fishnet stockings, also de rigeur in the Adult industry. Nails' slow- witted approach to the "mystery" contradicts the premise that he's living in a universe where vampires are everywhere and their habits well-known: Brando obviously made this without a writer or the benefit of "Writers' Room" conferences.

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