Leo Fitz: [after Fitz tries to eat a sandwich and Ward throws it in the river] What the hell?
Grant Ward: There are *dogs* tracking us, and you bring a prosciutto sandwich!
Leo Fitz: I can't believe you just did that.
Grant Ward: This is a mission, not a picnic.
Leo Fitz: Oh, I'm well aware it's not a picnic, Mr. Save the Day.
Grant Ward: What's that supposed to mean?
Leo Fitz: Oh, come on. You obviously get off on it; being the guy who gets to throw the last punch, who always swoops in to save the girl. And, now you've destroyed the world's most dangerous sandwich. Congratulations.
Leo Fitz: Good day to be a rat. I mean, there you are, minding your own business, spreading filth and disease, scavenging for grub worms or rotten fruit. When lo and behold, you see it... a prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella sandwich.
Grant Ward: Fitz.
Leo Fitz: With just a hint of pesto aioli.
Grant Ward: Quiet.
Leo Fitz: Okay, let's see. Okay, we have two guards on the west wall. Both carrying automatic weapons.
[another figure appears on Fitz's screen]
Leo Fitz: Correction: There are now three guards. We have three guards now.
[the figures start fighting]
Leo Fitz: Oh my God, oh my God... Ward, he's attacking the others! He's coming straight for us! Ward?
[looks behind him, and finally realises that Ward is gone]
Leo Fitz: What?
Grant Ward: [coming out of the door] Hurry. Inside.
Leo Fitz: [pauses] Ahh. That makes sense now.
Grant Ward: [Trying to come up with an escape plan] How long can you hold your breath underwater?
Leo Fitz: I don't know.
Grant Ward: Are you familiar with the term slam and cram?
Leo Fitz: No and I don't think I want to be.
Leo Fitz: [after kicking a bad guy in the face] I just did that.
Grant Ward: [equally surprised] Yeah...
Leo Fitz: Let's go.
Jemma Simmons: [to Skye] I can't be a part of your bad-girl shenanigans. I like following the rules and doing what's expected of me. It makes me feel nice.
Grant Ward: [Tied up] How attached are you to your pinky?
Leo Fitz: Very, very attached, and before you ask another terrifyingly vague question, let me be clear. Any plan that involves even one of those scenarios isn't going to work for me.
Phil Coulson: [catching Skye accessing classified information] What did I tell you?
Skye: You told me to trust the system. And the system just sent Ward and Fitz in there to die.
Jasper Sitwell: [Jemma is trying to break into a restricted zone] Agent Simmons?
Skye: [Over comm to Jemma] It's fine. Just play it cool.
Jemma Simmons: Hello, Mr.Agent Sitwell, sir. May I help you?
Jasper Sitwell: Call me Jasper.
Jemma Simmons: Um, what brings you to this restricted hallway so late at night?
Jasper Sitwell: I could ask you the same thing.
Jemma Simmons: [Nervous] Oh, no, don't.
Skye: Simmons, focus. Just make up an excuse.
Jemma Simmons: I was just on my way to the loo. I could swear it was two rights and a left, but is that it here?
Jasper Sitwell: That's a wall panel. Why are you accessing it?
Skye: Don't spiral. Just say something. Anything.
Jemma Simmons: You certainly have a gorgeous head, don't you?
[Skye makes a "WHAT?" face]
Jemma Simmons: I like men that are about my height but heavier than me.
Skye: Stop talking. Stop.
Leo Fitz: This is gonna take a while.
Grant Ward: You have ten minutes.
Leo Fitz: I thought you'd say five.
Skye: Agent May is level 7. Maybe she can give us an update on their mission.
[May says nothing]
Skye: Does that mean that you do know something and you can't tell us, or that you don't know anything? Which non-expression is this?
Grant Ward: Two million rubles. We've got to work on your negotiation skills.
Leo Fitz: I thought they were like pesos.
Victoria Hand: I need a two-man team to sneak across the disputed border undetected, break into the separatist stronghold, and disable the weapon in the next 24 hours. And you have two people who fit my bill.
Melinda May: Not a problem.
Grant Ward: I was in Georgia during the incursion in '08. I still have contacts on the South Ossetian border.
Victoria Hand: And you'll have to use them. But we don't have specs on the device, so I need someone on the team who can identify and dismantle it on-site.
Grant Ward: Do you mean...?
Phil Coulson: I think she does.
Leo Fitz: [Cut to Fitz pushing a cart full of gadgets] I found a localized E.M.P., plus a few other party favors.
[the door shuts on the cart]
Leo Fitz: Oh, come on. What the - Open! It's stuck! The cart's stuck. That's unbelievable.
[Tries to pry the door open]
Leo Fitz: What the hell? Who designed this? In the Hub, of all places.
[tries to push the cart through the door and it shuts in his face]
Grant Ward: ...Seriously?
Skye: Hey, is this what you wanted? Also, what is this?
Jemma Simmons: Oh, Fitz. A full-sized mag pouch?
Leo Fitz: [Slightly defiantly] Just one of the many tactical decisions I've had to make already.
Jemma Simmons: Hmm.
Leo Fitz: ...And Ward said we needed it.
Jemma Simmons: [Exacting a data container from Agent Shaw] Whatever you do, don't breathe. That was a joke. You should, of course, feel comfortable breathing if you need to, just not through your nose. And very minimally through your mouth.
[Pulls the container out through his nose]
Phil Coulson: That's all the intel you recovered?
Agent Shaw: I certainly hope so.
Phil Coulson: Well, uh, thank you, Agent Shaw, for keeping it safe... up there.
Phil Coulson: [In a sketchy interrogation room] I don't mean to alarm you, but I think you may have a mold problem. That sink with the standing water seems especially concerning.
SHIELD Clerk: Company.
Phil Coulson: Yes, I need access to a restricted file. Bravo Charlie Yankee 307604.
SHIELD Clerk: Authorization code?
Phil Coulson: X-ray 2896.
SHIELD Clerk: You're looking for a death and recovery report, sir?
Phil Coulson: Yes. For a SHIELD agent, mostly interested in his recovery. It took place in Tahiti.
SHIELD Clerk: I'm sorry, but you don't have access to that document, sir.
Phil Coulson: There must be some mistake. I'm level 8, I have clearance for that file.
SHIELD Clerk: The system indicates that you don't. Would you like to submit a formal request to Director Fury, sir?
Phil Coulson: No. Thank you.
Skye: [after entering the Hub] Wow. Didn't realize Big Brother was this... big.
Jemma Simmons: Oh, this is nothing. Wait until you see the *Triskelion*.
Skye: Everyone's wearing the same suit. Can someone tell me why?
Victoria Hand: It must be nice to be off that plane. I understand you're almost through your recovery.
Phil Coulson: The plane has nothing to do with my recovery.
Victoria Hand: I only know what I've read. Seems Fury has a soft spot for his favorites. Not everyone gets sent to Tahiti.