Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV Series)

FZZT (2013)

Clark Gregg: Phil Coulson

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Quotes 

• Melinda May : That her medical report?

  Phil Coulson : Mine, actually. Blood work finally came back. I'm perfectly normal - little heavy on the iron. But don't worry - you don't have to start calling me Iron Man.

  Melinda May : Wasn't planning on it.

• Phil Coulson : [Entering the lab]  What's Fitz doing out there?

  Jemma Simmons : He... detected a strange energy about the body.

  Phil Coulson : He's afraid of it, isn't he?

  Leo Fitz : [From the other room]  It's the smell!

• Melinda May : Whether it was 8 seconds or 40, you died. There's no way you can go through a trauma like that and not come out of it changed. You know how long it's taken me to...

  Phil Coulson : I know.

  Melinda May : The point of these things is to remind us that... There is no going back, there's only moving forward. You feel different because you *are* different.

• Phil Coulson : Any idea what could cause an effect like this?

  Jemma Simmons : [Speaking in unison with Fitz]  There's the soliton hypothesis.

  Leo Fitz : Well, okay, judging by the horizontal...

  Jemma Simmons : Perhaps nanobatteries...

  Leo Fitz : ...electrical discharge could be...

  Phil Coulson : [Interrupting]  Time. Let's try again. Any idea what could cause an effect like this?

  Jemma Simmons : Hell if I know.

  Leo Fitz : Uh, no, no clue.

• Phil Coulson : I got hurt once - pretty bad. And, I died. Some say it was for only eight seconds, but I know it was for more than that. I know I wasn't here anymore. I was there.

  Tony Diaz : What's it like?

  Phil Coulson : It's beautiful.

• Agent Blake : [Final Scene]  That's the best you could come up with, you got a bad connection?

  Phil Coulson : I was pressed for time.

  Agent Blake : Bold move. You know our chat wasn't exactly private.

  Phil Coulson : They never are.

  Agent Blake : I don't know what happened to you in New York, if you really flat-lined or that's just what they tell us when we reach level 7; but whatever did happen doesn't give you license to disobey a direct order from HQ. You keep pulling stunts like that, someone might decide to take this little dream team away from you.

  Phil Coulson : I'd like to see them try.

  Agent Blake : That doesn't sound like the Phil Coulson I used to know.

  Phil Coulson : No, I suppose it doesn't. Get used to it.

• Jemma Simmons : [Coulson is running on the treadmill]  Working up a good sweat there, sir?

  Phil Coulson : I don't sweat, I glisten.

• Jemma Simmons : This is the victim's brain.

  Phil Coulson : It looks like a burnt baked potato.

• Agent Blake : Coulson, nice to see you're not dead.

  Phil Coulson : Did you get our analysis of the virus?

  Agent Blake : We did, and SHIELD has no record of anything like it. No one does. So it's imperative it reach the sandbox without incident. In case of a pandemic, we're going to need it.

  Phil Coulson : I'm aware, but don't need more orders or ultimatums. I need answers.

  Agent Blake : I wish I had some for you. I'm sorry, Coulson I've been ordered to inform you that if you have infected cargo, you need to dump it.

  [Coulson is silent] 

  Agent Blake : Do you copy me, Coulson? The orders are coming from up top.

  Phil Coulson : I'm sorry bad connection. Didn't get that last part.

  [Hangs up the conference call, As May walks in] 

  Phil Coulson : Don't even think it.

  Melinda May : I don't have to. That's your job.

• Jemma Simmons : Well, you can officially tell your physical therapist that you're fit as the proverbial fiddle, especially for a man of your age.

  Phil Coulson : "A man of my age?" That's something you say to an old person.