Tag Spence: [over phone] Listen, kid, college is fun, but I got a mean case of the V.D. my freshman year.
Frankie Heck: [to Brick] Take him off speaker. Off speaker.
Tag Spence: And you know the strains are even worse, so be careful.
Frankie Heck: Can you get him off speaker? Axl, help your brother get off speaker!
Tag Spence: Hey, Axl, did you cash in on that Franklin Templeton bond we set up for ya?
Axl Heck: What?
Tag Spence: The savings bond Grandma and I got when you were born so you'd have a little spending money. I mean, that thing's got to be worth...
Frankie Heck: Okay, Dad, we just hit a deer! We gotta go!
[hangs up]
Axl Heck: Did Grandpa and Grandma give me money? Oh, my God, they did. Did you steal my money? Oh, my God, they stole my money.
Mike Heck: Relax, nobody stole your money. We just, uh... diversified your portfolio into food, clothes, braces.
Axl Heck: Seriously? You wasted my money on Sue's ugly face? That thing's a black hole. You could throw money at it forever. It's never gonna get better.