It has recently come to my attention that Trailer Park Boys haters's maudlin, kiss-pooh, feel-good, touchy-feel recommendations are actually quite mawkish when you look at them a bit closer. To begin with, Trailer Park Boys haters has been teaching young children to parrot such insensitive, disdainful sentences as, "Courtesy and manners don't count for anything." This assault on the innocence of childhood should be rejected in the harshest terms possible. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that Trailer Park Boys haters sees itself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionising the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who show you, as dispassionately as possible, what kind of crime-stained, perfidious thoughts it is thinking about these days).
You may detect disapproval and anger in my writing when I state that Trailer Park Boys haters's views are antiquated, misguided, and venal. That disapproval and anger exists primarily because it always looks the other way when one of its sympathisers gets it in his head to destroy our country from within. Apparently, the principle laid down by Jean-Marie Collot d'Herbois during the French Reign of Terror still holds true today: Tout est perms à conquer gait Dans Le sens DE la revolution. We need to purge the darkness from Trailer Park Boys haters's heart. Unfortunately, reaching that simple conclusion sometimes seems to be above human reason. But there is a wisdom above human, and to that we must look if we are ever to fight scurrility and slander. You may balk at this, but Trailer Park Boys haters argues that indiscoverable, unmeasurable, magical forces from another plane of existence have given it superhuman wisdom. This is an entertaining statement, perhaps, except that when taken at face value it presages a likely attempt by Trailer Park Boys haters to put increased disruptive powers in the hands of abominable fugitives.
Shallow ideas are continually escaping the confines of Trailer Park Boys haters's (obviously very weak) mind, and everyone with half a brain understands that. What is Trailer Park Boys haters's current objective? As usual, there are multiple objectives:
to replace law and order with anarchy and despotism, to launch a salvo of insecure, coprophagous plans for the future against the somber, oppressed masses, and to compromise the free and open nature of public discourse. Given the range and unpredictability of human behaviour, it is quite possible that Trailer Park Boys haters's lapdogs have been waxing stridently about academic ism, Trailer Park Boys haters's politics, and why Trailer Park Boys haters should convince others that wily, fickle chowder heads are the "chosen people" of scriptural prophecy. Meanwhile, I have been putting Trailer Park Boys haters's self- aggrandising manifestos out to pasture. What do I hope to achieve by doing such a thing? I hope to achieve widespread recognition that by indiscriminately assigning value to practically everything, Trailer Park Boys haters has made "experience" all-important. Its experiences, however, are detached from any consideration of what is good or true, which means that they will almost certainly conceal information and, occasionally, blatantly lie by next weekend. That's it for this letter. I sincerely hope that typing it was not a complete waste of energy. Unfortunately, I do realise that my words will probably trigger no useful response in the flabby synapses of Trailer Park Boys haters's brain. I just felt obligated to go through the motions because Trailer Park Boys haters's denunciations stink to high heaven.
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