3.5/10
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2 user 4 critic

Assassin's Game (2015)

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R | | Action | 26 May 2015 (USA)
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When a team of assassins botches a hit, legendary hitman Vet Jones gets an ultimatum from his former boss - kill the target or his son dies.

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Cast

Credited cast:
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El Viejo
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The Target
...
The Bodyguard
Mark Mikita ...
Vet Jones
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Emmett
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Ruby
Vincent Mentry ...
Junior
Jordan Cann ...
The Dude
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Tony
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Giant Goon
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Diablo
...
SUV Passenger
Hamid Savalanpour ...
Binocular Goon
...
SUV Driver
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
...
Goon
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Storyline

Legendary hitman Vet Jones never expected to accept another mission. But when his son fails to assassinate an important target, and a powerful crime boss gives Jones an ultimatum - finish the job or his son dies - Jones has no choice but to accept. After realizing the target is innocent, Jones tries to change his mission in order to protect the target - but can he save her life as well as the life of his son? Written by grindstone Entertainment Group, LLC.

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Action

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for violence and language | See all certifications »
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26 May 2015 (USA)  »

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Assassin's Game  »

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1.85 : 1
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User Reviews

 
Forget Plan 9 from Outer Space . . . THIS is the new low in films!
29 August 2015 | by See all my reviews

1-10, eh? Is a minus rating possible here?

I always try to keep an open mind when viewing a new film, even if going in I know it's going to be somewhere below the bottom of the barrel.

OK . . . I'll confess, my only motivation for even attempting to endure this trainwreck in the making was to watch Bai Ling do her thing.

I LOVE Bai Ling, she is such an unusually interesting character (and amazingly beautiful). Even if she is just running around blasting away with a giant machinegun . . . in stiletto heels . . . I mean really, how can anyone beat that???

As for the aforementioned trainwreck (oops, I meant film production), one would have to search far and wide, throughout the annals of film history to come up with anything that even remotely approaches this level of attempted filmcraft at its absolute worst.

Oh, but wait . . . there IS just such an example. For anyone who may be familiar, that unique distinction has, for decades, been the supreme domain of "Plan 9 from Outer Space". Yup, that has traditionally been the extreme milestone of filmcraft at its lowest possible ebb (and believe me, I've seen more than my share of contenders for this dubious distinction).

But, as is inevitable, even the lowest of the low must fall from their 15 femto seconds of infamy, and let the new contender take the title. And that fabulous moment of infamy goes to . . . (drum roll, please) . . .

Assassin's Game!

So, get an adult beverage (or whatever your pleasure might be), gather a few comrades, and get ready for perhaps the most spectacular example of unintended comedy to violate a screen in recent memory.

As for Bai Ling . . .

You are beautiful, a rare joy and very fun to watch.

I don't know who talked you into this film fiasco (maybe you should be looking for a new agent . . . just sayin').

But no worries. You have had much better material in the past, and no doubt will in the future.


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