Dallin Earl: When I grew up, my parents named me Giovanni, but I hated that name, so I changed it to Pablo at the age of twenty-three. Then I hated Pablo, so I was like, 'Oh, who'd become Pablo?' So then I was like, 'Okay, no Pablo,' I changed my name to, um...
Jaren Garff: Ballal. Ballal.
Dallin Earl: Ballal? Ballal is an Indian name! Who even cares about Ballal?
Jaren Garff: I do!
Dallin Earl: I grew up in, uh Mexico. So I was like 'Oh yo, dude! Mexico is awesome!' But, my father, every day...
Jaren Garff: He beat him with a toaster!
Dallin Earl: He beat me with a toaster.
Dallin Earl: Then I changed my name to Arted, and I was just like, 'Ayf Ayf Arted!'
Dallin Earl: So I grew up, and I went to the farm, and I picked some potatoes, and they were pretty good, but I don't like potatoes very much.
Rick Patterson: [singing] Rice-a-Roni, Rice-a-Roni, yummy. Three times daily, pretty please! Rice-a-Roni, Rice-a-Roni is so cool. I'm from China, and I like rice!
Dallin Earl: AUGH!
Jaren Garff: It doesn't kill the super germs, which kill you!
Rick Patterson: Yeah, exactly. So never use hand sanitizer. It's evil!
Dallin Earl: I'm still doing my commercial.
Dallin Earl: I use this under my arms, in my mouth, and on my feet. Including in between the toes!
Travis Neal: [Title Cards] Back in the car, Dallin made up a story which inspired us later on to make a movie called "Jimmy Stratford". If you've never seen this movie, it's probably a good thing you haven't.
Dallin Earl: So, recently, my mom was talking to me about what I want to be for Christmas, i mean Halloween! Okay? 'Cause like, Christmas is my, I mean Halloween is my favorite holiday, because, like, you get to dress up. And everyone knows everyone dresses up!
Dallin Earl: So this is what I'm gonna do. I especially-, sorry I'm spitting a little bit. Especially, I'm gonna be Ash!
Dallin Earl: So. So I was just thinking about what I wanted to be for Halloween, and I was just like 'What do I wanna be for Halloween?' First my mom was like, 'Hey yo, Halloween's coming up soon!' I was just like, 'What? Halloween's coming up?' 'Yeah, Halloween's coming up!' 'Oh, what should I be for Halloween?' 'I don't know. You think of something, because-, or else I'm gonna slap you,' I was like, 'I don't wanna be slapped! So I will think of something! Leave me alone!' She's like, 'Okay, I will leave you alone, because you better think of something,' I was like, 'Okay, I will think of someth-,' Okay.