Lexi Bloom: Wendy

Quotes 

• Gina : Online dating! We'll do online dating, all three of us!

  Kevin : Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. You do realize that most of the people that do this whole online dating thing are bat-shit cray, right?

  Wendy : Oh my God. Some girl left a voice mail on his phone saying the movers are dropping off her stuff on Monday at 9 A.M... He's moving in another girl and I just moved out. How ridiculous is this?

  Kevin : It's about as ridiculous as the fact that you're still checking his voicemail.

  Wendy : Do you think he's sleeping with her?

  [Kevin mouths the words "Oh yeah"] 

  Gina : Okay, stop. You guys need to get over yourselves. Kevin, you have an almost expired box of condoms in your drawer, and Wendy; you spend 10 years of your life in love with a total dick weed. It's time to move forward. Not backwards.

  [Wendy is looking at her phone, and Gina snatches it away from her] 

  Wendy : Hey! What are you doing?

  Gina : Deleting his number from your phone. It's time all three of us get back in the dating scene. Don't go anywhere.

  Kevin : Hey, what are you doing? And stay out of my sock drawer.

  Gina : I'm getting my laptop. All three of us are gonna create online dating profiles, tonight!

  [Gina claps happily] 

  Gina : I'm so excited!

  Kevin : [Nervously]  Hey... hehe.

  Wendy : Well, at least I still have access to his Facebook, so I'll be okay.

  [Kevin gives Wendy a weird look] 

• Gina : What's up sista?

  Wendy : Oh my God, I think it's happening!

  Gina : You think what's happening?

  Wendy : [Happily]  Danny called me from work he said really important to talk to me about!

  Gina : Good or bad really important?

  Wendy : Aaah! I think this is it! I think after 10 years of dating he's gonna finally ask me to marry him!

  Gina : Oh My God!

  Wendy : I know!

  Gina : Oh My God! I'm crying, I'm seriously crying.

  Kevin : [In monotone voice]  I can't hear the TV over your squeaking.

  Gina : Wendy's getting married!

  Kevin : [In monotone voice]  Bring on the divorce papers.

  Gina : Call me the second it happens.

  Wendy : Oh my God! I don't believe it I'm gonna be a bride. A BRIDE! AAH!

  [Squeals] 

  Wendy : My only dilemma now is trying to find the perfect "My Guy is About to Propose to Me" outfit. I'm thinking maybe black lingerie or what about white?

  Gina : Defiantly, white.

  Wendy : White, cause that's more bridal.

  Gina : Oh, I can't wait to start planing your wedding!

  Wendy : Me neither! Oh My God! I gotta go get ready otherwise he's gonna come home and I'm gonna be in pajama pants. Talk to you soon 'kay? Love you!

  Gina : Love you!

  Wendy : Okay, bye!

• Kevin : [Kevin's phone rings]  Hello?

  Wendy : Hi, asshole.

  Kevin : Did you call to verbally berate me?

  Wendy : I should, but no.

  Kevin : Well, Gina's not been here in weeks um, where she been staying?

  Wendy : At Camron's.

  Kevin : He-he never said anything to me about that, I mean, it's not like he's talking to me.

  Wendy : Ya know Kevin, I think I understand why you did what you did. But you went about it in a really shitty way.

  Kevin : Well, how's she been?

  Wendy : How do you think she's been? She's hurt but she misses you like crazy.

  Kevin : Yeah. I miss her too.

  Wendy : Ya know, she's coming over tonight to pick up a dress that she's going to wear to a party. I just thought you might wanna know. Kevin, do the right thing. Tell her how you feel. She might be pissed as hell at you but she's still your best friend.

• Kevin : Gina, I'm Surly Steve.

  Gina : What do you mean *your* Surly Steve?

  Wendy : You said *he* was Surly Steve?

  Cameron : I'm Cameron.

  Kevin : I'm Steve.

  Wendy : Oh, I'm so confused.

  Gina : Steve is the guy *I* met online. The guy *I* fell for, online. The guy, *this guy* looks like.

  Cameron : Well, I can assure you, I'm not that guy.

  Gina : [Gina shakes her head in disbelief]  What the hell is going on?

  Kevin : [Kevin sniffles]  Okay, moment of truth. Cameron, I uh, I uploaded one of your photos, on my online dating profile. and I, um, I called myself Surly Steve. And somehow, by some odd coincidence, Gina contacted me, thinking it was you. But it was really just me. The me that looks like you. Whatever that means. Anyway, I never meant to hurt you. That's not what all this is about at all.

  Gina : You've got to be kidding me.

  Kevin : I wish I was.

  Cameron : I can't believe you used my picture without asking me.

  Wendy : And lied to your so-called "best friend".

  Gina : [Coldly]  You are *nothing* more then a lying sack of shit.

  [Gina tosses a glass of water on Kevin] 

• Wendy : You know, this online dating thing sucks! I've gone on two dates now, both of which were with guys forty years older and eighty pounds fatter then their pictures.

  Gina : C'mon, now you can't give up hope. You've gotta give them more time.

  Wendy : Time? Who's got time? Life is passing me by and I'm gonna end up alone. Who wants to go get drunk?

  Gina : I can't; I have to wake up early tomorrow.

  Wendy : Kevin?

  Kevin : [pulls back the pillow to which he had been hiding his face]  No.

  Wendy : You guys suck!