Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It (2013)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Quotes
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Jake Harper : I've been, uh, thinkin' about names for when Tammy and I have our first kid... If it's a boy, what do you think about Walden Harper?
Alan Harper : I like it.
Walden Schmidt : No!
Jake Harper : Fine. Then I guess it's down to either Alan, or Xiang Xiao.
Alan Harper : Xiang Xiao?
Jake Harper : Yeah. I've gotta be ready, Dad. They say one out of every three babies born is Chinese.
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Alan Harper : I'm nervous about meeting Jake's girlfriend. I mean, he's obsessed with this woman. It's like he's been brainwashed by some cult.
Walden Schmidt : [at first not really listening carefully] What guy hasn't... I'm sorry, you said 'cult'. Ahhh.
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Alan Harper : [talking with Tammy, Jake's 36-year-old girlfriend] I don't understand why you're with Jake.
Tammy : I'm with him because I care about him. I mean, he's sweet and kind and funny... and I don't know when the last time you had sex with a 19-year-old boy was, but it is a *lot* of fun. And then, eight minutes later, it's a *lot* of fun again.
Alan Harper : Umm, I'll - I'll - I'll take your word for it.
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Alan Harper : Jake, this gnocchi is amazing.
Jake Harper : Yeah. I like to make it 'cause it sounds like 'nookie'. Get it?
Alan Harper : I do.
Jake Harper : Not as much as I do!
[he high-fives his girlfriend, Tammy]