Mortal Kombat 1 (Video Game 2023) - Andrew Bowen as Johnny Cage

Johnny Cage : So last time around, I hooked up with someone else?

Liu Kang : Spoilers, Johnny Cage.

General Shao : My war won't end until Liu Kang's corpse rots under my feet.

Johnny Cage : Damn. Someone needs a hug and a sandwich.

Nitara : Of course I fly. I have wings!

Johnny Cage : Are you sure you don't just fall with style?

Reptile : Why did you show me that Predator film?

Johnny Cage : After all we've been through, that was scary?

Kitana : Some may swoon for you, but I will not.

Johnny Cage : Challenge accepted.

Johnny Cage : How is a dream of my death funny, Princess?

Kitana : [smirks] I dreamt you suffocated under a pile of women.

Johnny Cage : Li, "Mei" I have this fight?

Li Mei : Ugh! That was criminal, Earthrealmer.

Sindel : Surely Liu Kang could've found better than you.

Johnny Cage : Just what is your beef with me, beautiful?

Johnny Cage : If I had a queen, she'd be just like you.

Sindel : As if you could have one like me.

Nitara : Don't I scare you in the least?

Johnny Cage : I see weirder every weekend on Sunset.

Johnny Cage : Why are vampires always such foxes?

Nitara : How better to lure you in?

Kenshi : You ever talk to Cristina?

Johnny Cage : I can't. It's too damned hard.

Ashrah : So you were once married?

Johnny Cage : Amazing anyone would let me go, right?

General Shao : You haven't earned your swagger.

Johnny Cage : Like you got any clue what it takes to be me.

Johnny Cage : Since this whole thing kicked off, I'd wondered why Liu Kang chose me to be his champion. I mean, sure, I was killin' it as a martial arts star. But it's one thing when it's all for show. It's different when you're playin' for keeps. Then Liu Kang let me in on his master plan. He wanted the masses to know about the worlds beyond them, the one filled with gods and monsters. And he wanted me to tell 'em about it. But I knew revealing the truth all at once would be too shocking of a plot twist for most. That's why I pitched doing a bunch of stories, to slowly get people used to it. And if there's one thing I can do, besides kick ass in kombat, it's build a cinematic universe. I'm servin' up movies, streaming series, games, you name it. I like that I'm doing a public service. And it doesn't hurt that I'm making more than a few bucks. It's the kind of synergy that would make any studio mogul proud.

Johnny Cage : How goes it with the new boy, Hanzo?

Smoke : He'll soon be a full Shirai Ryu.

Sub-Zero : You can't match my experience.

Johnny Cage : Hey! I'm not the noob here.

Sub-Zero : Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Johnny Cage : It is very cold in space.

Johnny Cage : You cool with me posting Outworld pics on social?

Liu Kang : Social what, Johnny Cage?

Johnny Cage : I thought I had daddy issues, but you?

Sub-Zero : My family is none of your business!

Johnny Cage : Now that I'm single, I could sure use a wingman.

Smoke : Wait? Are you asking me?

Johnny Cage : As ring names go, Havik's a wee bit on the nose.

Havik : My given name didn't inspire the necessary fear.

Havik : You don't take me seriously?

Johnny Cage : Have you looked in a mirror?

Kitana : It is the height of impertinence to call me "eye candy"!

Johnny Cage : Easy, kitty, it's just an expression!

Kitana : Your film crew is overrunning the palace!

Johnny Cage : That's how the sausage gets made, princess!

Reiko : I'm not stupid, I'm smart.

Johnny Cage : Whatever you say, Rei-do...

Johnny Cage : Don't think you can toy with me, soldier.

Reiko : [*laughter*] I will crush you, Earthrealmer.

Johnny Cage : You can't stand it that Kuai Liang picked me, can you?

Sub-Zero : Easily his worst ever decision.

Johnny Cage : I did not see you and Ashrah coming. Kudos, sir.

Reptile : What are kudos, Johnny?

Shang Tsung : You plan a film about me?

Johnny Cage : Yeah. The working title is "Death of a Salesman".

Kung Lao : So what's the name of your film about us?

Johnny Cage : [Dramatic tone] Mortal. Kombat.

Omni-Man : They don't make movies about heroes like me.

Johnny Cage : Because duh... you're the villain, bro.

Johnny Cage : You look like the dad I never had.

Omni-Man : You're fragile. My son is Invincible.

Johnny Cage : My hometown is a lot like yours.

Kung Lao : No wonder you got yourself out.

Omni-Man : You're not a real fighter, you're an actor.

Johnny Cage : You wanna see real? I'll show you real.

Johnny Cage : You know, you could use some anger management training.

Omni-Man : Get out of my sight before I demolish you.

Johnny Cage : Y'know you still owe me for that Hichuli.

Sub-Zero : You'll never see payment, Cage.

[after Johhny Cage beats Sub-Zero]

Johnny Cage : And scene. I hope you're insured because you're paying for my Hichuli.

Sub-Zero : Imbecile! You have no idea with whom you're dealing!

Liu Kang : ENOUGH!

[smoke alarm wailing]

Johnny Cage : Uh... That's no special effect.

Liu Kang : Indeed, Johnny Cage. Kuai Liang?

Johnny Cage : Okay, let's go back to one here. Who are you again?

Johnny Cage : Lord Liu Kang. Protector of Earthrealm. God of Fire.

Liu Kang : All will be explained, Johnny Cage. For now, what is important is that you both have been chosen to join its champions.

Johnny Cage : Why him? Or me for that matter?

Liu Kang : Because I have faith that you will rise to the challenge. A because your service will change the arcs of your lives.

Johnny Cage : Oo! Oo! Can we wand duel? I'd love to try that!

Quan Chi : I am a sorcerer, not a wizard, Cage.

Johnny Cage : You'd kill your own mother to get ahead, wouldn't you?

Quan Chi : I would, and I have.

Johnny Cage : Usually I don't hate on people. But you...

Quan Chi : I'm glad to have made an impression.

Johnny Cage : Bleached Bone" is a good color on you.

Quan Chi : Then it's fitting I'll adorn myself with yours.

Johnny Cage : I hear the Netherrealm's freaking hotter than the Valley.

Quan Chi : You should judge that for yourself.

Johnny Cage : I don't buy Liu Kang's tournament wasn't fixed.

Geras : Accept that you squandered your chance.

Johnny Cage : So far, I have no signs of Tarkat.

Baraka : Perhaps Earthrealmers are immune...

Johnny Cage : Your boy Liu seems to have big plans for you.

Geras : They are not for you and I to discuss.

Johnny Cage : You liking how Liu Kang rewrote your character?

Geras : It suits me, Johnny Cage.

Johnny Cage : One of these days, Kitana will totally fall for me!

Baraka : BAHAHAHAHA!

Johnny Cage : You're coming to Outworld for the shoot, right?

Kenshi : Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Johnny Cage : Must be hard staying sharp after a billion lives.

Geras : Yet the show must go on.

Johnny Cage : Ugh! You should see the Tarkatan cosplay at CageCon.

[blows a kiss]

Johnny Cage : Chef's kisses!

Baraka : Followers mock my affliction?

Johnny Cage : I love redemption stories.

Ashrah : Yet mine is not for sale.

Johnny Cage : It's hard to believe there's a demon inside there.

Ashrah : My true face would horrify you, Cage.

Johnny Cage : C'mon, a tour would really help my story research.

Ashrah : No living creature should visit the Netherrealm.

Johnny Cage : Your kriss would look outstanding on my mantel.

Ashrah : I could never part with Datusha.

Smoke : As the smoke rises, I will disappear.

Johnny Cage : You ever think about playing Vegas?

Johnny Cage : You are the champion, my friend.

Raiden : I'll keep on fighting until the end.

Smoke : You really like my mask, Johnny?

Johnny Cage : It's smoking!

Smoke : Why cast me in your movie?

Johnny Cage : Oh. You've got the wholesome sidekick thing down cold.

Smoke : Do you get hurt making movies?

Johnny Cage : I don't have a bone that *hasn't* been broken.

Johnny Cage : It's what's called a reality show, okay? We follow you and the girls...

Sindel : I won't allow Earthrealmers into my inner sanctum.

Scorpion : My skills don't intimidate you?

Johnny Cage : I'm not afraid of a ghost.

Rain : What's wrong with others calling me "Rain"?

Johnny Cage : It doesn't pop, brother! Now "Storm"? "Tempest"? Huh? Those pop!

Tanya : Is there a point to this fight, Cage?

Johnny Cage : What? It's an audition! Oh my god! I'm gonna kill my assistant.

Tanya : Why must you be so... male?

Johnny Cage : Just working with the gifts Liu Kang gave me.

Tanya : Umgadi are sworn to piety and chastity.

Johnny Cage : Now where's Li Mei? Because that's a crime.

Tanya : I've encountered few men like you.

Johnny Cage : It's called perfection, sweetheart.

Havik : Shall we let slip the dogs of war?

Johnny Cage : I'm gonna make you cry, Havik.

Johnny Cage : You are one ugly mother...

Havik : My face won't be the only thing you dread.

Liu Kang : There is more to life than fortune and glory.

Johnny Cage : [*laughter*] Oh wait, you're serious.

Liu Kang : I will now demonstrate why you sanded those floors.

Johnny Cage : Holy shit, I've been Miyagi'ed!

Shang Tsung : You Earthrealmers foiled my plans.

Johnny Cage : Just like a bunch of meddling kids.

Baraka : You're late, Earthrealmer.

Johnny Cage : Not my fault. My train to Busan got delayed.

Li Mei : Who's on second, Cage?

Johnny Cage : No, Who's on first. What's on second!

Reptile : You own leather made from reptiles?

Johnny Cage : What? It's not like I skinned your cousin Vinny.

Scorpion : You'll not make a film about my rift with Bi-Han.

Johnny Cage : But I've got the perfect title: "Scorpion's Revenge".

Ashrah : I will fight without fail until I am absolved.

Johnny Cage : You are truly a wonder, woman.

[Custom AI Intros]

Johnny Cage : Wait, aren't you that grumpy newspaper guy from Spider-Man?

Omni-Man : You won't find any humor in what's about to happen.

[Custom AI Intros]

Johnny Cage : What's the headline? Omni-Man slams into Mortal Kombat?

Omni-Man : It's more like, Omni Man kicks Johnny's ass.

[Custom AI Intros]

Sub-Zero : My fury is as endless as the Seas of Blood, Cage!

Johnny Cage : You do realize that happiness is where you are?

[Custom AI Intros]

Kenshi : Name one of your favorite movie quotes, Johnny.

Johnny Cage : Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

[Custom AI Intros]

Ashrah : Why do you keep saying the same three words over and over again, Johnny?

Johnny Cage : I am Groot.

[Custom AI Intros]

Mileena : I will avenge my mother's death and you will help me, Johnny.

Johnny Cage : AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

[Custom AI Intros]

Kitana : Do you really expect a thank you for showing me that horrendous film?

Johnny Cage : What can I say, except you're welcome.

[Custom AI Intros]

General Shao : I would have taken Outworld's throne, had it not been for Earthrealm's intervention!

Johnny Cage : If it weren't for us meddling kids, you did get pretty close.

[Custom AI Intros]

Kung Lao : Kitana rejected my offer to take her to dinner, but accepted Raiden's?

Johnny Cage : That's some classic emotional damage!

[Custom AI Intros]

Smoke : I can't imagine the amount of work that goes into being the director of a movie.

Johnny Cage : With great power, comes great responsibility Tomas.

[Custom AI Intros]

Kung Lao : Why did you go all the way to France to adopt a Pitbull?

Johnny Cage : Gotta show some international love to that dog, Kung Lao.

[Custom AI Intros]

Liu Kang : The realms have been at war for millennia in other timelines.

Johnny Cage : At least we didn't start that fire.

[Custom AI Intros]

Johnny Cage : What does Raiden have that we don't Kung Lao?

Kung Lao : A personality that's not at all like sanding paper.

[Custom AI Intros]

Mileena : What other technologies does Earthrealm possess, Johnny?

Johnny Cage : There's all sorts of technology, your loveliness. Come visit and i'll give you the grand tour.

Quan Chi : I fail to see how you could be made champion.

Johnny Cage : Nobody thought I'd be an A-Lister either, yet here I am.

Quan Chi : A few days in the mines will break you.

Johnny Cage : Haha! If Hollywood couldn't do it, you sure as hell can't.

Quan Chi : Small mind, little...

Johnny Cage : Finish that sentence carefully, sorcerer.

Quan Chi : That a simpleton like you could help foil our plan...

Johnny Cage : Says a lot about how good it was, doesn't it?

[after Johhny Cage beats Kenshi]

Johnny Cage : My house, my rules. So. You have a name or what?

Kenshi : Kenshi Takahashi.

Johnny Cage : Ha! I knew you weren't Taira clan.

Kenshi : You know nothing, Cage.

Johnny Cage : Four hundred years ago, the Taira clan were one of Japan's first families. They lost Sento after getting slaughtered at the Siege of Aomori.

Kenshi : There were survivors. They hid themselves by shedding the name Taira for Takahashi. They joined the Bakuto for its protection.

Johnny Cage : The Yakuza's predecessors... From first family to crime family.

Kenshi : I will break us free of the Yakuza's corruption. Reclaim our name and our position. But my clan won't follow me unless I prove that I can lead. That's why I need Sento.

[doorbell rings]

Johnny Cage : And that's Malibu's Finest. It's a great story. Bullshit... but great. You should seriously consider becoming a screenwriter.

[Johnny opens the door, revealing Liu Kang, Sub-Zero, and Scorpion behind the door]

Johnny Cage : What in the actual fu...

Liu Kang : Good evening, Johnny Cage. I am Liu Kang, Protector of Earthrealm. May we enter?

Johnny Cage : Uh.. Nothing's being shot here tonight, You sure you're in the right place?

Liu Kang : Yes. We come on a matter of grave importance. We must speak to you and your guest.

Johnny Cage : What? How do you know about him?

Liu Kang : Because I am the God of Fire.

Johnny Cage : Cris, you vixen. Nicely done. Sure. Come right in. Glowing eyes are a nice touch.

Liu Kang : Kenshi Takahashi. A tragic figure with a noble cause. Your actions this evening do you no credit.

Kenshi : Who are these people?

Johnny Cage : You tell me. They're your scene partners.

Liu Kang : I also know of your struggles, Johnny Cage. I am here to offer you both a path forward.

Johnny Cage : Dun, dun, duuuun.

[laughs]

Johnny Cage : C'mon guys. Let's call this. Cris was a doll to set this up, but... As pranks go this one's... eh... a bit obvious.

Liu Kang : This is no prank. Bi-Han, Kuai Liang. If you please?

Johnny Cage : All right, all right.

[laughing]

Johnny Cage : I'll play my part in this martial arts LARP. The missus ought to get what she paid for. *Aahh.*

[clearing throat]

Johnny Cage : Ok. *Ahem* *Ahh... * Hey you- Wait, wait... Hey, you! Get your damn hands off him. I said... Get your hands off...

Scorpion : Was that necessary, brother?

Sub-Zero : To put him in his place.

Johnny Cage : [in disbelief] That was a Hichuli! One of the kind! All right, I don't care if this a damned prank. You crossed the line!

Kenshi : You really thought it was a gag, didn't you?

Johnny Cage : Two ninjas and a fire god showed up at my door.

Kenshi : Sorry you had to sell the mansion.

Johnny Cage : Yeah, divorce is expensive, my friend.

Kenshi : C'mon, Johnny. Forty takes is enough.

Johnny Cage : We don't wrap until it's perfect.

Geras : What happens in your future is devastating.

Johnny Cage : What? Do I become an asshole or something?

Geras : I cannot reveal more details of prior timelines.

Johnny Cage : C'mon, at least tell me if she was hot.

Geras : The Hourglass is beyond your understanding.

Johnny Cage : Please. I've got a Ph.D. in quantum mechanics, bitch.

Geras : Pleasure and action make the hours seem short.

Johnny Cage : Which is why my movies always feel so well paced.

Raiden : You should return to Wu Shi for training.

Johnny Cage : Once I wrap Ninja Priest, I'm all yours.

Geras : You want a sports almanac from the future?

Johnny Cage : Forget it. It was just an idea.

Raiden : You once hid from a crazy ex-girlfriend?

Johnny Cage : Spent a whole month laying low in West Covina.

Quan Chi : Your future audiences will only be demons.

Johnny Cage : Are they Ashrah-hot? 'Cause--mmm--I could live with that.

Johnny Cage : [in a villainous voice] Well, if it isn't Special Agent Takahashi of the F.B.I.

Kenshi : It's not funny anymore, Cage!

Johnny Cage : I finally meet Hollywood Boulevard Johnny!

Johnny Cage : Be glad I'm not some cheap-ass knock-off.

[Custom AI Intros]

Johnny Cage : So what's your Christina like?

Johnny Cage : Cristina, my wife's name is Sonya and we have a daughter named Cassie.

Johnny Cage : I'm still sleeping off CCA's holiday party, right?

Johnny Cage : Nope! I'm as real as it gets, bro!

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : So who's this bad guy named Shinnok?

Geras : He was a fallen elder god that threatened Earthrealm.

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : Uh, can you tell me more about my daughter Cassie?

Geras : She's once saved Earthrealm from Shinnok's villainy.

[Custom AI intros]

Scorpion : Being a father is a noble responsibility.

Johnny Cage : I faced lots of weird things in the past but, this feels like my greatest adventure yet!

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : I faced a lot of challenges in my time, but being a dad in multiple dimensions is a new one!

Liu Kang : You have the support of your friends and allies, Johnny.

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : So you saw how Cassie defeated Shinnok?

Johnny Cage : Oh I wish you could have seen it; she wiped the floor with him.

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : Does Cassie have our good looks and charisma?

Johnny Cage : Of course she does, she's a cage.

[Custom AI intros]

Kenshi : The most powerful battles are fought not with fists, but with love and guidance.

Johnny Cage : Well if love is the secret weapon, then I've got plenty of that to give.

[Custom AI Intros]

Johnny Cage : Uh... what are you exactly?

Johnny Cage : I'm your titan twin dude, you from another timeline!

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : I was told in the prior timeline, I had a daughter named Cassie, is that true?

Geras : Who told you that.

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : [*sighs*] Will my daughter Cassie ever join us in this timeline?

Liu Kang : Unfortunately, the answer is no.

[Custom AI intros]

Johnny Cage : Hold on, you're telling me there's a version of me out there with a daughter named Cassie?

Johnny Cage : Oh yeah, our legacy extends beyond this timeline.

[Custom AI intros]

Kitana : I have no doubt that Cassie will thrive under your care, Johnny.

Johnny Cage : I'll make sure this tale of the Cage family becomes a legend in any timeline.

Shang Tsung : I will gladly see you dead, Mr. Cage.

Johnny Cage : Heh. So would half of Hollywood.

[Kriss reacting]

Ashrah : Quan Chi is close. The emanations of his evil grow stronger.

Baraka : That is a powerful weapon.

Ashrah : And my perfect ally. As I smite the evil it finds, I am further purified.

Johnny Cage : Now I've down steps, so I'm all for self-help. But since when does a demoness want to be less evil?

Ashrah : I had spent eternity damned to the Netherrealm. I had assumed that's all there was to existence. But when I saw Earthrealm, saw Outworld. Saw there was a better way to live. And that to have it, I needed to cleanse my soul. My sister demons were furious at my change of heart. Kia and Jataaka were the first to hunt me.

Reptile : Quan Chi is also a demon?

Ashrah : Actually, he's an Outworlder. But he mastered the dark magic needed for unfettered travel to my realm.

[insect buzzing. Reptile's tongue snaps. Crunching sounds]

Johnny Cage : Any idea how he buddled up with Shang Tsung?

Ashrah : They share a common benefactor. She plucked them both from obscurity, taught them everything they know. I've never met her, but there's no question that she is a sorcererss beyond compare.

[Kriss reacting]

Ashrah : Quan Chi is near.

Quan Chi : I am ready for your contributions. Execellent, Nitara. I need yours as well.

Havik : Darrius and I have been thinking, sorcerer...

Quan Chi : Do not try to renegotiate, Havik.

Havik : We need proof that you'll deliver.

Sareena : That he's delivered for Nitara's Vaeternians is all the proof you need.

Nitara : Sareena's right. But of Quan Chi's magic, my realm's people are no longer poisoned by sunlight. We have finally escaped the shadows.

Quan Chi : Rest assured. The spells you will receive will bring down Orderrealm's government.

Havik : When will we have them, Quan Chi?

Quan Chi : After the attack on Earthrealm... which could be called off if the soul stealer's efficacy isn't demonstrated promptly.

[Quan Chi chanting in the distance]

Johnny Cage : Well this plot just got thicker.

Ashrah : Earthrealm is in grave danger. Just one soul stealer can kill hundreds of thousands. If he unleashes a battery of them...

Baraka : Millions will die.

Kung Lao : He must be stopped.

Ashrah : I will deal with Quan Chi. The four of you subdue the others.

Johnny Cage : Whoa there, big fella. This stop's where you get off.

Kenshi : You heard her! Millions could die.

General Shao : Earthrealm will kneel, or it will burn!

Johnny Cage : Haha. Now *that's* how you chew scenery!

General Shao : Ruin awaits those who defy me.

Johnny Cage : Hah. Someone's going all in on the supervillain.

[Custom AI Intro Dialogues from Chai Tea]

Johnny Cage : My cocktails were great, gotta give some to the other Maserati.

Tanya : Always got to have the spotlight, huh theater boy?

[CLASH]

Johnny Cage : STOP IT!

Goro : I prefer Ferraris instead.

Tanya : Shut your mouth, Goro!

Sub-Zero (Kuai Lang) : I will freeze your mouth shut, Cage.

Johnny Cage : If you don't want them, shut yourself Ducati.

Tanya : I will slash your tires, bitch!

[Custom AI Intro Dialogues from Chai Tea]

Johnny Cage : I just made one of my best movies ever!

Kenshi : And I saw your ex-wife in the theater it was airing at.

[CLASH]

Jax Briggs : Wait a sec, I thought you were blind Kenshi.

Kenshi : Sento's magic comes in handy.

Kano : Talk about getting blindsided, mate.

Johnny Cage : Shut up, Cyclops.

[Custom AI Intro Dialogues from Chai Tea]

Johnny Cage : So what's it like being second conjugal?

Li Mei : It's first constable, Cage.

[CLASH]

Sub-Zero (Kuai Lang) : Oh no, not that shit again.

Li Mei : Is this what Tanya was talking about?

Frost : Better leave now, Li Mei.

Johnny Cage : Ok ok, maybe third cardinal is better?

Tanya : Stop pissing her off, Shakespeare!

Johnny Cage : BITCH!

[Custom AI Intro Dialogues collab from Chai Tea and Oddgiant AF]

Deadpool : Y'know, for a straight guy, you sure love to touch other people's balls.

Johnny Cage : HEY! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!

[CLASH]

Kung Lao : First theater camp and now this?

Johnny Cage : That's the last time I tell someone a secret!

Sonya Blade : First you insult him, then you snatch his weave?

Deadpool : Yup. That was all me. Definitely not the mod.

[Custom AI Intro Dialogues from Chai Tea]

Johnny Cage : Have you tried TikTok on your phone yet, Mileena?

Mileena : How does this fruit have a clock in it?

[CLASH]

Sektor : Cellphones come with many apps built in.

Mileena : No one asked you, ketchup.

Shujinko : What is TikTok?

Johnny Cage : Sorry, old man. No one will ever explain anything to you.

[Custom AI Intro Dialogues collab from Chai Tea and Oddgiant AF]

Deadpool : Y'know, for a straight guy, you sure love to touch other people's balls.

Johnny Cage : HEY! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!

[CLASH]

Kung Lao : First theater camp and now this?

Johnny Cage : That's the last time I tell someone a secret!

Sonya Blade : First you insult him, then you snatch his weave?

Deadpool : That was all me. Definitely not the mod.

Johnny Cage : The things I could do with your life story...

Peacemaker : How about we make it a streaming series?