After their kiss, Nick freaks out alone in his room. "Oh, you kissed her, you idiot!"
Jess can't sleep in her bed next to Sam.
Jess confronts Nick in the hall, but he moonwalks away poorly to hide in his room. Jess gets back in bed and pretends she didn't lie awake all night. Sam wakes up and tries to fist bump her when he sees 10 new emails.
Jess wants to tell him but he marvels at how beautiful she looks in the morning.
Jess goes to Cece and announces what happened.
Nick tries to talk to Winston, but he's aglow from having the best sex of his life. "I didn't even use my hands," he says. Winston does a little "Mojo Man" dance.
Jess rants to Cece. "I was like Scarlett O'Hara in my freaking curtain dress, he just, like, grabbed me and he took me. He was a man and I was a woman, and it was firm but tender. Yea, I saw through space and time for a minute, but that's not the point," Jess says.
Cece is swept away and admits she misses sex.
Cece asks Jess if she likes Nick. She laughs and insists she won't let him ruin things with Sam.
Jess wants to hang out with Cece for the day, but she's going to an Indian marriage convention.
Back at the loft, Schmidt is dressed up like Zoltar from "Big," with plans to attend as well. Nick and Winston tag along.
They all end up at the convention. When Nick sees Jess he panics, moonwalking backwards until he falls over.
Winston finally asks him what's going on. When Nick tells him, Winston punches his junk, saying that when it goes wrong Nick will have to move out and Nick's a weird enough roommate. (He named his testicles Sharon.)
He tells Nick to apologize and make it right, punching him in the Sharons again for good measure.
Cece confronts Schmidt, who admits he's not over her.
"I'm a squirrel, you're my nut. Winter's coming, I'm going to store you in my cheek, girl," he says.
Nick finds Jess and apologizes, saying it meant nothing, like kissing a cousin. Jess tells him he can admit it meant something, which he turns around on her. She calls Sam to come get her.
The woman organizing the conference announces people have been grouped by resume. Cece is chagrined to be seated with Nick at table 34.
Winston didn't get assigned a table because the organizer has saved him for herself. He realizes she's feeling his mojo.
Jess is at Schmidt's table. Sam shows up and is assigned to table one. The organizer starts the ice breakers, which include trying to pass a hula hoop around a circle as people hold hands, to show how compatible people can be. Nick enjoys himself as Sam and Jess fumble.
Jess accosts Nick at the bar, where he insists he's going to keep pestering her until she admits the kiss meant something to her.
They're assigned to make a table to hold a phone book out of only tape and newspaper.
Nick defends their kiss as like something from a fairy tale. They argue their way through making what turns out to be an indestructible table. The organizer says a strong table means they're a strong couple. Nick jumps on the newspaper footstool, but it just won't break.
Later, Sam faux-congratulates Jess on the table and she says it didn't mean anything.
They rotate down a line to talk to different people at the event. Schmidt intervenes as a guy is rude to Cece.
Jess moves the woman across from Sam to talk to him.
Cece and Nick end up across from each other and Cece says they ended up at the low table because neither of them think things through, they just do things without thinking about how they might hurt people.
Down the line, Jess tells Sam what happened with Nick. He is not happy about it and leaves.
Nick finds them in the hall and tells Sam that he kissed Jess and it didn't mean anything to her. Sam punches Nick in the chest, saying it meant something to him. He tells Jess he's done, then tells Nick to ice it for 24 hours and keep it elevated. "He even exits cool," Nick says from the floor.
Winston brings the organizer a waiter to take his place, crediting the Mojo Man.
Schmidt sees Cece sitting alone across the room and gets frustrated. He grabs the microphone and addresses the room, saying he used to think Indians were pretty smart. "You guys look at the roof of a bus and say, 'That's not just a roof, that's more seating.' Kal Penn, he's a genius, thank you for him. But what I didn't know is that you are a country full of blind idiots, because in your midst walks a brown angel."
He points out Cece.
"I may be an idiot, but I'm smart enough to know what I lost... Get your crap together, India!"
He throws down the microphone and Cece is immediately swarmed by guys.
Back at the loft, Nick tries to cheer Jess up by dancing very badly to Taylor Swift.
Nick wants to say something that he knows won't help the situation. He's never been a home wrecker before and enjoys that Sam was threatened by him.
He apologizes again, saying he won't do it again.
Jess says maybe the relationship was a little bit broken and mentions the fist bumping.
Jess seems to be forgiving him until he points out that she seems to be forgiving him. They settle for an awkward hug good-night.
Meanwhile, Cece brings Schmidt home. As they make out and strip, she mentions she got a lot of phone numbers and is going on a lot of dates. She tells him the plan hasn't changed, she's still going to marry an Indian guy. He points out she went home with a Jew in a turban. She allows him to keep it on during sex.