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"How I Met Your Mother" Ring Up! (TV Episode 2013) Poster

(TV Series)

(2013)

Quotes

Barney Stinson: [Barney is angry that Ted slept with his half-sister] That's my sister, Ted!

Ted Mosby: I didn't know! None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you. It's all a crazy coincidence.

Barney Stinson: There are four million women in the city of New York and you had to sleep with my sister. Why would the universe do that to me?

Ted Mosby: [Sarcastic] I don't know. It's not like you've treated women in such a way that wouldn't invite karmic retribution.

Barney Stinson: You banged my sister, my sweet, little, innocent...

Ted Mosby: Pierced.

Barney Stinson: Really, where?

[gets on]

Barney Stinson: Don't answer that! Now I know why I felt what you did to her last night. It wasn't a Bro-nection - it was a Sis-nection. Oh my God, Ted did you...

[whispers in Ted's ear]

Ted Mosby: Big-time.

Barney Stinson: Nice, high-five

[high-fives Ted, but... ]

Barney Stinson: No, NO! Retraction Five!

[high-fives Ted again and reverses words]

Ted Mosby: Hey, hey you're the one who begged for a proxy bang - and while we're on the subject of family, I'm pretty sure you banged my mom! Mom beats sister.

Barney Stinson: I never banged your mom!

[winks]

Ted Mosby: You just did that winking again!

Barney Stinson: No I didn't.

[winks again]

Ted Mosby: Okay fine. Barney were you a little sore this morning, especially...

[whispers in Barney's ear]

Barney Stinson: [Aghast] Friendship OVER!

[marches out of bar]

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Barney Stinson: I need you to proxy bang this girl for me. Be my stand in and put your gland in.

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Barney Stinson: My body is detoxing after years of one night stands. They don't make gum or a patch for this Ted, but hey, billion dollar idea alert.

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Robin Scherbatsky: [Robin laments to Lily and Marshall not being able to get any freebies because of her being engaged] You know what, I love Barney, but this ring thing sucks. This gross guy, brushed against my rack, and then apologized - and I think he really really meant it.

Lily Aldrin: Sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers, but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you.

Marshall Eriksen: It's true. Like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see.

[looks at Lily]

Marshall Eriksen: I see her brightly, and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That's love... and possibly alcohol mixed with some very powerful antibiotics.

Lily Aldrin: And that's how Barney sees you - and I know that's how you see Barney.

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Lily Aldrin: Oh, my God, Ted! Your wrist.

Ted Mosby: [looking at his wrist without the leather cuff] Oh, yeah, I guess it's a little swollen, I must've strained it by lifting.

Barney Stinson: I believe our dear friend Lily was referring to your other wrist. The one wearing the male birth control.

Robin Scherbatsky: I was gonna go with chastity bracelet.

Barney Stinson: God, is it possible to love you more?

[Barney and Robin kiss]

Ted Mosby: Really? I just saved someone's life, and you guys are focusing on this?

Marshall Eriksen: Yeah, you know what, guys, leave him alone. He is a hero.

Ted Mosby: Thank you!

Marshall Eriksen: [pauses] You think your super strength came from wearing Wonder Woman's magic wrist cuff?

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Barney Stinson: Ted, I'm desperate. Earlier today, I saw that wrist cuff, and I got a partial for Marshall. Did you bang that girl yet?

Ted Mosby: Don't get your hopes, or anything else up. I tried to connect with her, but everything just comes back to her weird fetish about how old I am.

Barney Stinson: Well, just go simple. Does she like TV?

Carly: [Flashback] No... but I'll watch 60 Minutes with you as loud and as long as you want.

Barney Stinson: Sports?

Carly: [Flashback] No... But I bet you look super hot playing Shuffleboard just slathered in Bengay.

Barney Stinson: Does she like books?

Carly: [Flashback] No... But I bet you do. I bet you have a big... thick... pair of bifocals.

Ted Mosby: She doesn't have daddy issues. She has grandaddy issues. I'm ending it.

Barney Stinson: Ted, I beg of you, don't quit on a body that won't quit. Ooh, ooh, that'll go sweet on a bumper sticker. That's going in the journal.

Ted Mosby: Did you steal my dream journal?

Barney Stinson: No, now get back in there before all your teeth fall out and you're naked in front of Shaker Heights High School in a play you never rehearsed for!

Ted Mosby: Bastard! We don't connect on a single thing! I'm ending it!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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