Himself - Host: [opening introduction] From Hollywood, it's *this idiot's show*!
[picture of Jimmy Kimmel with the caption "Idiot"]
Himself - Host: With Matt Damon, Matt Damon, and musical guest Matt Damon. It's Jimmy Kimmel Sucks! Finally, MATT DAMON!
Himself - Host: Siri, who is the greatest comedian in the world?
Siri: Definitely *not* Jimmy Kimmel. He is not funny at all. He is terrible. He is human garbage.
Himself - Host: Well, that's a given. But search for a world-class comedian in the immediate area.
Siri: Searching for a world-class comedian in the immediate area.
Siri: I believe I have found someone close to you.
Himself - Host: Well, bring him in.
[Enter Robin Williams]
[after Jimmy's attempt to audition for the role of Bob Tenor in "Stuck on You"]
Greg Kinnear: Can we look into Matt Damon? He'll do it.
Himself - Host: If the movie was called "Suck on You" he'd do it.
[Ben has been trying to override Matt's attempts to smear Jimmy Kimmel]
Ben Affleck: Forget it, Man! I couldn't do it to JIMMY!
Himself - Host: [as Ben is leaving] Aw, come on, Ben. Please!
Ben Affleck: [to Matt and Jimmy] I never wanted it to end this way.
Himself - Host: [Ben has left] He doesn't even LOVE YOU the way I love you! You'll see!
Himself - Host: [to the audience] He'll see.
[after Jimmy's repeated attempts to audition for the role of David Norris in "The Adjustment Bureau"]
Emily Blunt: [to the director] What is this? Is this a pity reading?
Himself - Host: No no no. Don't think like that. You're here on your *own* merits.
Emily Blunt: But I've been cast.
Himself - Host: [to the director] She thinks this is a pity reading.
Emily Blunt: I've been cast in this movie.