Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (TV Series)

Ocupado... (2013)

Dreama Walker: June Colburn

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  June Colburn : [narrates as she luxuriates in foam bath]  Back in Indiana, the bathroom was always a quiet place. But now that I live in New York, like everything else, it's crowded.

  Chloe : [enters]  What's finger-licking, chicken?

  June Colburn : Nothing much, bud!

  [giggles, then, to herself:] 

  June Colburn : That rhymes more in my head.

  [narrates again:] 

  June Colburn : But I'm okay with it. The bathroom's actually become the place where Chloe and I download and catch up.

  Chloe : Just about to give myself a Brazilian.

  [High-heeled shoe goes onto toilet lid] 

  Chloe : Want me to do you first?

  June Colburn : [shakes her head]  No, thanks.

  Eli Webber : [nosy neighbor's window now overlooks their bathroom]  Are you sure, June? It's 20:13. Time to lower the deck.

  [June looks down self-consciously] 

• Chloe : [to her friend who is still in her foam bath]  Is telling Benjamin about my guy rotation the only way I'm gonna get you to stop with the jibber-jabber?

  June Colburn : Yes!

  Chloe : Fine. But, so help me, God, if I hear one jibber, or even a piece of jabber, I will forcibly wax you!

  [June whines] 

• Chloe : [in bathroom]  June, some sex is about to happen right where you're standing, so either get in or get out!

  June Colburn : But I'm not finished yet! I'm still doing my left eye.

  [discarded boxers hits her face] 

  June Colburn : Oh, my God!

  [runs out] 

• June Colburn : Hello, friend. I got your message.

  [brought big tub of ice-cream, puts on Cranberries song "Do You Have To Let It Linger"] 

  Chloe : What the hell is that?

  June Colburn : I know you said it doesn't bother you that Melinda St. Claire is number one in Ben's cycle. But you can't pretend that you're not feeling hurt. He's your number one, and you're not his. That is jacked up!

  Chloe : June, I've already moved on to other guys in my rotation. I don't really care...!

  June Colburn : Shh!

  [covers Chloe's lips] 

  June Colburn : Just let the most perfect breakup song heal your wounds.

  Chloe : Take your finger off my face!

  June Colburn : Sorry. It was too much.

  Chloe : June, I don't care how Ben ranked his cycle. Why do you think I date six guys at once? For exactly this reason. One gets annoying, another one slips right in. It's how Pat Riley ran the Knicks, it's how I run my sex life!

• Chloe : [sitting mournfully in empty tub, Vodka bottle in hand]  Six guys all ruined and some bitch named Melinda's in my head and it's all Ben's fault!

  James Van Der Beek : [alongside her, another loser sits with a flask]  How could the crew choose Ben over me? I offered them my friendship. I would kill to be friends with me. Literally. If somebody was friends with me, I would kill them so that I could be friends with me.

  June Colburn : [enters with ruined novel]  Who ripped out the middle of my book?

  Chloe : [tosses missing pages onto floor]  I needed to talk to you. I tried to hook up with the other guys in my rotation, but I kept hearing them say "Melinda."

  June Colburn : Chloe, this is what I was saying before. It bugs you that you're not Ben's number one. For the first time in your life, you are jealous.

  Chloe : Please! I don't get jealous. I make jealous! In other people. I make other people jealous.

  James Van Der Beek : Yeah, so did I. Now look at us. We were once golden gods. Now... we're number twos.

  [takes swig from flask] 

  Eli Webber : [from his window]  Two number twos in a tub. I bought that DVD in Germany. Weird country.

  June Colburn : Chloe, there's a reason why you are sitting here in this tub instead of out with your five other guys. Benjamin is more than just someone in your rotation.

  Chloe : [takes swig of Vodka]  Maybe he is.

  June Colburn : I mean, do you wanna be exclusive with him? No more rotation? Just him?

  Chloe : [sighs]  Maybe I do.

  [takes another gulp from bottle] 

  June Colburn : [all motherly]  Well, then talk to him. Tell him how you feel.

  [Chloe scews the bottle top closed, gets up, climbs out of the tub, and smacks June through the face very hard] 

  June Colburn : Ow!

  Chloe : That's just me being uncomfortable with the truth.

  [sighs] 

  Chloe : Thank you, June.

  [pats her on the head, walks out]