Greg Fitzsimmons: [about minister Oral Roberts] A minister with the first name Oral. That's like a prisoner with the first name Anal.
Loni Love: [about Baby Jessica] You know you got a damned well outside. Watch the baby!
Alonzo Bodden: [about "Spenser for Hire"] Hawk would say three words, pull out a gun bigger than your head and kill you with it. If it wasn't for Hawk, Spenser would have lived two episodes.
Larry Joe Campbell: [about "Black Monday"] I remember it didn't mean a damn thing to me 'cause we didn't have any money. So who cares?
Tom Papa: [about the mother from "Throw Momma from the Train"] It's like if your angry gym teacher had sex with a Shar-Pei.