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"The Colbert Report" Simone Campbell (TV Episode 2012) Poster

(TV Series)

(2012)

Quotes

Mr. Carson: Congratulations, My Lord, you are now the tea kingpin of Yorkshire.

Earl of Grantham: Yes, but it's a mixed blessing. As Byron once said, "mo' money, mo' quandaries."

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Mr. Carson: It's a shame that, in order to save Downton Abbey, Lord Grantham has sunk to brewing the Black Chamomile crank.

Thomas Barrow: Oh, stop acting so high and mighty, Mr. Carson. The tea tweakers can't get enough of His Lordship's Earl Blue. Apparently, they think it's "the shizzle-nizzle."

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Mr. Spider: Yo, pendejo, you got something of mine.

Earl of Grantham: Carson, is someone addressing me?

[Carson presents a calling card tray to Spider]

Mr. Spider: Oh, sorry.

[places a calling card in the tray, which Carson reads]

Mr. Carson: My Lord, a Mr. Spider to see you.

Earl of Grantham: Ah yes. What can I do for you, my good man?

Mr. Spider: Listen, English Muffin, where's my motherfucking tea?

Earl of Grantham: Thomas.

[Thomas presents a brick of tea to Spider, who cuts it open, takes a sample on his pinkie finger, stirs it into a tea cup his sicario hands him, and drinks it]

Mr. Spider: Ahhh! I'll take that shit with some milk!

Earl of Grantham: Naturally... once we have been reimbursed for our efforts.

Mr. Spider: And why should I pay you, Mary Poppins, when I already got the recipe.

Mr. Carson: Who gave you the recipe?

Thomas Barrow: Uh, he, he must have gotten it from Mr. Bates. I told you he was unreliable.

Earl of Grantham: But I never gave Bates the recipe.

[he and Carson reach into their jackets for guns]

Thomas Barrow: No, wait!

[gunfire ensues]

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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