Here's an easy way to get a cookie: explain to Raj (Kunal Nayyar
) the difference between a mummy and a zombie. He thinks there is no difference, but Sheldon (Jim Parsons
) earned his dessert by explaining getting bitten by a zombie makes you a zombie, but getting bitten by a mummy just makes you some schmo with a mummy bite. (SHELDON: So like a zombie who has been eaten from the waist down, you don't have a leg to stand on.) Howard (Simon Helberg
) got his new car and still likes the new car smell, as long as he keeps his mother out of it. (The car is a Mini; how the hell would his mother get in it?) The university even gave him a nice parking spot: Sheldon's. Naturally, Sheldon is highly offended, and the fact he doesn't own a car or know even how to drive doesn't get in his way. He loves the spot because it's only 28 steps from the entrance, is a corner spot so he doesn't have to worry about getting his pretend car dinged, and it gets shade from a tree that also contains a very nice squirrel. (Most squirrels are jerks.) Sheldon demands Howard move his car, who naturally refuses. And that gives Sheldon no choice but to move it himself. And apparently he doesn't master physics because he can't move the car.
Sheldon's appeal to President Siebert fell on deaf ears, mainly because Sheldon kept calling him after he wouldn't answer the door at home. Sheldon whined that Siebert thought Howard was a high-profile asset to the university, and Leonard (Johnny Galecki
) pointing out Howard went to the Internation Space Station didn't change his mind. (SHELDON: That was five weeks ago. How much longer is he going to milk that cow?) Not getting any support from the reality-based Leonard, Sheldon decides to try another tact: stealing Howard's Iron Man
helmet. Sheldon wanted it and Howard wasn't using it, and those were the rules. (SHELDON: Payback. It certainly is the b- word, isn't it.) Howard demanded it back, but Sheldon put it on because he was using it. Howard then took Sheldon's diploma off the wall. Which was fine with Sheldon, since it'd be the only doctorate Howard would ever get.
Penny (Kaley Cuoco
), Amy (Mayim Bialik
), and Bernadette (Melissa Rauch
) returned to Penny's apartment. Amy is showing some signs of progress. She got a bikini wax. (Yes, she was walking funny.) It took a while because they had to go out for more wax. But she felt five pounds lighter. (BERNADETTE: Really? Only five?) Bernadette and Amy both had to deal with their significant others whining about the parking spot argument, although Amy didn't hear much because of "that stupid robot mask." But Amy was proud to see the two alpha males locking horns. (PENNY: I gather these were some sort of horns they got at Comic Con?) Bernadette thought Sheldon shouldn't lose his spot because Howard was a big deal, and Amy thought Sheldon should just have his little moment in the sun. And now the fight was beginning to spread.
AMY: Well, Howard will never go to space again, but Sheldon will always be a genius.
BERNADETTE: You're right. And I'm sure Sheldon will get a fancy parking spot again if and when he makes a worthwhile contribution to science.
Penny can smell the passive-agressive banter beginning to escalate and tries to change the subject but to no avail. Bernadette argued none of Sheldon's theories have ever been proven and Amy thought Howard was an inspiration to the millions of Americans who hoped you didn't need to be special or even qualified to go into space.
BERNADETTE: I'm sensing a little hostility here. Is that because, like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?
AMY: Well, at least when we make love, Sheldon won't be thinking about his MOTHER. And yes, that is a cleverly-veiled reference to Howard's lifelong obsession to crawl back into his mother's spacious womb!
And Penny thought getting a bikini wax from her sister with melted Crayola crayons and duct tape was painful. Bernadette marches out and goes to have sex with Howard in the parking spot. (BERNADETTE: Which sounds dirty but I didn't mean it that way!)
Actually, Bernadette didn't have to go far. Sheldon, Raj, and Leonard get back to the apartment to discover Howard in Sheldon's spot with nothing but a laptop and a smile. Sheldon demanded he give back his spot, which Howard would as soon as he gets back his Iron Man helmet, which...you get the idea.
HOWARD: Actually, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
RAJ: I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.
A little overnight visit to the university for Sheldon and Amy, who enjoys the tingle of excitement from Sheldon spray-painting his name over Howard's on the parking spot. (AMY: Although that could be my newly defoliated bikini zone.) Sheldon has Amy put her car in the spot, but first she wants Sheldon to get into the car so she could show him what she had done that day.
AMY: What do you think?
SHELDON: I think you're high on paint fumes. Boy, that's a lot of Band-aids.
At Bernadette's, Penny and she look over her wedding pictures, all of which feature Howard's mother. Amy drops by and already thinks Penny is on Team Bernadette for even being there. Amy's car got towed and she wants $200 from Howard. But Bernadette thinks that's not likely. SHE had the car towed. (AMY: Didn't see that one coming, did you?) So Amy didn't think Bernadette would see Amy's purse coming at her. But she was wrong twice. Bernadette did, and Penny didn't. And Amy apparently had a coffee can in her purse of change she had been meaning to take to the bank.
PENNY: Get away from me, or I swear to God, I will rip out what's left of your pubes!
Amy apologized for both her and Bernadette, which kept the fight going! Penny begged to go to the emergency room, and Amy offered to drive, just so Bernadette could see where the tow truck scratched her car.
BERNADETTE: The tow truck didn't scratch your car.
AMY: How do you know?
BERNADETTE: Because I did it!
Sheldon came up with a new tactic. Since Howard accused him of never using his parking space, he took his work outside and started using the space. Howard told him to move, and Sheldon refused. Although Sheldon may have been better off not sitting in a chair with casters on it, as Howard just pushed him with his car. Leonard comes out and wants both of them to stop acting like idiots over a mere parking spot. Howard thinks it's more about Sheldon not handling the fact Howard was a bigger deal at the university now. But Leonard thinks Howard's being as big of a jerk as Sheldon. Although Leonard may want to rethink that as Sheldon decided to break in Howard's new car wearing only a smile.
SHELDON: You know what they say: revenge is a dish that is best served nude.
Finally Raj gets involved and visits Sheldon, brining Howard with him. Sheldon's throwing star aside, Raj brought Howard to apologize for what happened. Howard gave him his spot back.
SHELDON: Well, Howard. Thank you. That was quite a gesture on your part. You've shown yourself to be the bigger man. Which I find totally unacceptable.
Sheldon wasn't going to let Howard get away with that, so he gives the spot back to him. Howard thanks him and admits he's the bigger man. Sheldon gives him back his Iron Man
helmet. And the two couples go to the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate. Amy and Bernadette thought it brought them closer.
PENNY: (sporting a broken nose and steam coming out of her ears) Yeah, everybody's happy. Great!
Although Sheldon wasn't sure how he could go to the cleaners and get them to fix a couch cushion that was the victim of a "nude revenge wiggle." Tuesday was fine for Sheldon. And he could offer the manager a laptop with 16 GB of RAM and an Intel Core i7 Processor, and "has spent less than 20 minutes resting on an astronaut's penis."