Ask Me Anything (2014)
Paul Spooner: Dear Miss Kampenfelt, since you expressed a desire today to learn more about adult life, here are 10 bitter truths for your reading pleasure.
Paul Spooner: 1. Complete honesty is a complete lie.
Paul Spooner: 2. Two, marriage is sacred only to those who have never been married.
Paul Spooner: 3. Three, money is more integral to happiness than romantic love.
Paul Spooner: 4. Four, every human being is a contradiction. Some hide it better than others.
Paul Spooner: 5. Five, never underestimate the tendency of human beings to act contrary to their own best interests.
Paul Spooner: 6. Six, were it not for the fear of getting caught, most of us would behave like savages.
Paul Spooner: 7. Seven, all sex has consequences, most of them dire.
Paul Spooner: 8. The older you get, the faster time flies until months pass like days.
Paul Spooner: 9. There's no such thing as living happily ever after.
Paul Spooner: 10. Everything gets worse.
Glenn Warburg: I can't imagine life without books, it's as close to the angels as I get.
Katie Kampenfelt: What do you mean?
Glenn Warburg: For me, reading is a transcendent experience.
Katie Kampenfelt: [smiles] Hmm
Katie Kampenfelt: [In reaction to her mothers blank stare after telling her she got a new job] Whhyyyy are you so negative!
Katie Kampenfelt: You underestimate my powers earthling.
[first title card]
Title Card: Some guys practically grab you by the hair and push your onto their dicks. My turn! Or else if they're the sensitive type, they tell you how sex will bring you so much closer and they start to whine and shit. Yuck! Mr. Big never makes me do anything The only way I even know that I've been blueballing him is that one time at the door he said 'I'm going to blow a load before you get to the corner.'