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*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Sad but true. When the opening credits filled the screen (Episode
VII... blah blah) I was already grinding my teeth because the plot
sounded idiotic. Then the huge star destroyer filled the screen. The
fun bit is that the star destroyer had some sort of antenna or whatever
at the front and it looked liked the ship was showing the middle finger
towards the viewers.
I have to congratulate the film makers as that was pretty much how the film worked from that point forward.
1) A droid has important information that must be delivered to the good guys (Episode IV, anyone?)
2) so the bad guys hunt for the droid on a desert planet (IV)
3) Storm troopers raid a village, killing everyone (IV)
4) A girl is captured by the bad guys and the good guys rush to the base to the rescue. (IV)
5) The girl and the boy have a friend zone relationship through the film (Ep IV, Luke & Leia, wouldn't be surprised to learn that they are siblings in Episode IX)
6) The stormtroopers, elite soldiers of the bad guys, still can't hit a barn door. On the other hand, the good guys always hit, even when they use a weapon for the first time in their life
7) Supreme Leader Snoke = Emperor with a silly name
8) The bad guys have a magnificent new weapon that can destroy planets (Ep IV)
9) They use it to destroy a planet loyal to the rebels (IV)
10) The weapon has shields that can be destroyed by going down on the planet and disabling the shield generator (VI)
11) The epic villain wears a mask that distorts his voice (IV) and sadly, looks better with the mask on than without it.
12) The good guys can only destroy the weapon with an attack by X-Wings on the exact target (IV)
13) The X-Wings have to fly in a tight trench in order to reach their target (IV)
The screen writers had absolutely no new ideas to show for their money. A bunch of monkeys could have written better dialogue. A 1st grader could have made a plot that had less holes in it. The special effects were pretty much of the same quality as in the first Star Wars movie that was released 1977. I'd expect something way better in 2015.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I want to start by stating I truly have enjoyed all Star Wars movies
prior to this one. Even the prequels (which are obviously not as good)
demolish this movie in plot, character building and EVEN action
sequences. (there is only two lightsaber battles and they last seconds)
Anyone with a brain and knowledge of the original trilogy can see that Star Wars: Episode VII was a regurgitation of the first three film's plot condensed into two hours. Everything was the same with slight twists down to the famous "Luke, I am your father" scene except it's with Han Solo and his apparent Sith son who stabs and throws off of the new Death Star.
They added a bigger and badder Death Star, tossed Anakin's lightsaber around to whoever felt like using it to fight and did a terrible job of carrying on Star Wars essence. It was flooded with humor and half a**ed acting. There was no training or build up of power Rey is literally able to defeat the most powerful Sith Lord as a teenage girl who days before didn't even know she was a Jedi. Finn was able to wield and use a lightsaber although as far as I am concerned he is not a Jedi.
Han Solo and Chewbacca just happen to come across the Millennium Falcon after 30 years which just happens to have Luke Skywalker's daughter, Finn, and a droid carrying the map to Luke Skywalker on it. The film was pretty much downhill for me from this point on I spent most of my time watching this with a "What???" face and hands up in confusion as to how they could have made the film suck so bad.
This film literally spanned out the introduction of old characters we know and love in order to keep our attention and keep us excited to see the next only to disappoint us with no further elaboration in story and literally no emotion. Leia hardly even reacted to losing the love of her life Han Solo. The dialogue between the two of them was rushed and obvious that they were trying to explain 30 years of story in small talk.
What I take as the mentality for this film: MAKE A BIGGER DEATHSTAR, OH BIGGER EMPEROR TOO (srsly what was up with that), GIRL JEDI MAIN CHARACTER, BLACK GUY WHO MIGHT BE A JEDI TOO MAIN CHARACTER (I am African American so don't take this as racism) people are going TO EAT THIS UP. And congratulations, you all did and now they will keep milking the franchise and making terribly thought out films with nothing more than CGI and humor to make up for it.
Throughout this film I found myself wanting to walk out of the theater and just be done but I couldn't resist waiting for the punchline of this joke of a film and boy did I get it. After all of the humor riddled torture we are brought to the final scene. Rey is going to see her long lost dad who I guess spent all of this time standing on a random mountain looking at the beach. And then it happens, what we had all been waiting for. Luke turns around and sees the daughter he was forced to abandon and she hold out Anakin's lightsaber as some odd tribute to him (I don't see the symbolism in this) at this point I just burst out laughing at how bad this journey has been and that's it it's over. The next thing I see is JJ Abrams. I proceeded to scream "BOO" at the screen multiple times with the only response to it being "cmon it wasn't that bad" after that I walked outside and contemplated throwing up as the movie was so bad it caused me to feel nauseous.
This film took advantage of Star Wars fans and played into a hand of re-doing famous scenes with different characters and telling the same story over again. It's sad that people actually think this movie was good or acceptable because now they are going to once again shame the Star Wars name.
BOYCOTT EPISODE 8. THIS RENDITION NEEDS TO BE SCRAPPED AND REBOOTED THEY ARE JUST MILKING THIS FRANCHISE.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I jut got just back from the cinema, watching a movie everyone has been
waiting for since 1983, me included. And i got to say, I'm starting to
get a little bit tired of watching a 2 hour movie about destroying a
Because here we go again! George Lucas did not succeed with his follow-up movies, and there is many reasons for that. And no, it is mainly not because of Jar-Jar, it is because he just threw in one epic battle after the other, without having any good story, or any good plot, and at times horrible acting to come with it.
Michael Bay has this as his trademark, but he is still very successful and his movies makes billions. And why is that?. Because kids. And the Star wars and transformers franchises have in common that they sell toys, in large quantity. This is what really makes the big bucks over time. Not the movies themselves. The movies are just big commercials for toys.
George Lucas knew this better than anyone. And he is a brilliant businessman, but not so brilliant when it comes to making movies.
I do like the first Star wars trilogy, with "the empire strikes back" as my favorite, this is by the way the film in the trilogy George Lucas himself dislikes the most. That pretty much explains why the second trilogy was so bad, as "The Empire Strikes back" spends more time developing a story than the other two films in the original trilogy, and therefor you get more attached to the characters.
When George Lucas then made His second trilogy, all character development went out the window. This was a trilogy that was going to sell more toys, and that's it. Lucas has even half-way admitted this later on. And the fans of the Star wars franchise have disliked the second trilogy almost since release.
I say almost, because many did hang in there for years, denying that the second trilogy was bad. But now most people seem to have noticed.
So here we are in 2015 and J.J. Abrams takes over. He is the new skip, he gave us a fantastic reboot with Star Trek, now he is going to save us all from the god awful mistakes of George Lucas. We all believed it, we all hoped for it, at least he can not do worse than Lucas.
The biggest hype of all time was born.
And we fight a death star.... again....
Just a lot bigger.... Because of course bigger, at least they couldn't make it smaller.....
What about not including a death star... Yet again?
This movie tries so hard to show us a lot of cool stuff. But the pacing is awful, the slapstick humor is mostly misplaced, the introduction of the leading actors suffers from very bad timing. This movie basically tries to look and feel exactly like the original Star Wars film, but fails to bring us close to the leading characters.
In the story, 30 years has gone by. A lot of things happen in that time, but the movie can't tell us anything about what has happened in those 30 years, all we get is guns blazing from the get go, till the very end. Almost no character development what so ever. Not even for Rey, the leading actress. Did J.J. Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan think it was enough to show us that when Rey eats less food than usual, was enough to make us really care for her? And just add in the "The family will never come back for you" sub plot? which BTW has no impact.
Yes OK Rey is struggling a bit when we meet her, but she looks very healthy, she is climbing ropes and running like an Olympian in sand..
Ahh no, now i know. They showed us she had good morale by not selling the droid to get a lot more food.. Ahh.. So complicated. *sigh*
This movie is so disappointing. This was their chance to make it right. To make Star Wars good again, not only focus on what 12 year old kids want to see constantly for 2 hours, which is laser beams and explosions. But it makes perfect sense, because these films are now all about making the big bucks, which is from selling toys. And now this film was released just before Christmas... No coincidence.
So it's time to just take in some facts, the movies we grew up with, are never coming back. The only ones in the business that seem to get the movie story and toys business combo right, is Marvel.
They had all this time. All this money. All this willpower. And this is what they come up with. Terrible script, bad story, outdated soundtrack, taking few or no risks to renew the franchise by telling the exact same story as before.
What is really good about this film is the CGI and Sound effects. But that should not come as a surprise to anyone.
The acting is mediocre. No one stands out and brings a really good performance.
4/10 - Very disappointing.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
So today I went to the premiere of the long awaited new star wars
Here is a fast and short opinion: The movie blows really blows.
Here is the more detailed opinion.
The movie has no star wars feeling. None. No deep dialogs about the force and almost no background about what happened in the period between episode 6 and this one.
The dialogs between Ray and Finn sound like two modern age teenagers talking (first real dialogue between them, Finn asks Ray if she has a boyfriend). Horrible.
Then there is the First Order (successors of The Empire) the bad guys. Their leader commander is the Sith wimp Kylo Ren who answers to a extremely bad CGI drawn Supreme leader (really?) about whom the audience doesn't get any information at all.
Kylo Ren is an insecure teenager with anger issues. His character destroys the sleek mysterious Sith presentation of the both prequel as the original trilogy. This is really a bad thing.
The main weapon of the First order is a death star on steroids. But the way the weapon works is taken straight out of Star Trek. This is a criminal offense.
Han Solo and Chewbacca appeared in the movie absolutely out of nowhere. It's like Abrams and Disney were desperate to throw them in there just for nostalgia.
Once again out of nowhere Ray figures out she has Jedi powers. The first time it happens is when Luke Skywalker's (who as been explained shortly decided abandon everyone and live in isolation in a place unknown) light-saber suddenly possesses the ability to show her where it's located in exactly the same way like bracelet of Anubis showed to Evelyn it's location in the movie Mummy returns.
Also the audience figures out later on that non-Jedi's also can fight with light-sabers when Finn ( not a Jedi ) fight the wimpy Sith Kylo Ren. It's like who needs Jedi's, give a light-saber to a regular Joe and he will fight almost as good as a Jedi who had years of training.
There is one scene near the ending that is so incredibly bad it just makes you want to get up and leave the theater. It's a scene between Han Solo and Kylo Ren. Every person who has more than 2 brain cells will know what is going to happen. This scene is a direct spit in the face to the bad-ass Han Solo we all know and love.
Because Disney and Abrams decided not to include George Lucas in any way this movie has no Star wars feel and no soul. It's like when an unknown Chinese manufacturer decided to make a fake iPhone. They can call it an iPhone as much as they want, but it isn't an iPhone.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
CRITIQUE 1. If you want to know what this movie is about, then simply watch Star Wars Episode IV (A New Hope), because the story is nearly verbatim with elements thrown in from episodes V and VI for good measure. 2. The leads who take the rein from the old Star Wars Universe are: Hispanic, black, and a woman. There is nothing wrong with this in and of itself, but when it is done simply to be politically correct, then the story suffers. I think one critic describes this best when she said, "For the first time in Star Wars history, a franchise will be built around the adventures of the sort of people that Hollywood routinely overlooks: women and people of color. So even if The Force Awakens sucks, it's made one big diverse achievement for Hollywood." This means the only place you will see an honest review of this movie is in the user reviews here at IMDb 3. Luke is now Obi Wan, his long lost daughter is the new hope, and his nephew is the new Darth Vader 4. They broke nearly every rule established by the original Star Wars. Jedi talent no longer takes years of training, nor does one need to be strong with the force to hold his own in a light saber battle against a trained Sith lord, etc. WHAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE There are 100 places they could have taken this story. They could have made Jar Jar a secret Sith lord who was playing dumb all these years, they could have worked in elements of Star Wars Rebels and made Ezra a Sith lord, or they could have had it where Luke turned to the dark side. I even heard early rumors that they were going to have Finn find Luke's severed hand with a light saber in it. To me, it would have made the most sense to do a story where the Republic is now the political force of the Galaxy and the First Order are the rebels. Luke could have been training a new Jedi order and they could have shown a growing Sith threat, with a real villain and not the weanie in panties that we got in this movie, throughout the battles with the First Order. They could have made Hans more distinguished (after all he was a King and it's been 30 years, so he should have grown up by now). Instead, we got the same Han Solo from 1975 but who looked 40 years older and disheveled. I'm sure Harrison Ford had no intention of doing another Star Wars movie and insisted that this would be the last one. So he would have been killed off no matter what. However, it could have been far less predictable and more creative and touching. If they wanted to keep the story line they went with, then they still could have started this way and shown how Kylo Rey was turning to the dark side. Any of these would have been far better than the trash I saw tonight. It's amazing how I could think of these story lines (as I'm sure can 1000s of other Star Wars fans) but none of the so called talented writers, producers, and directors in Hollywood can do this? This simply amounts to lazy writing and oversight. CONCLUSION Because everything was so predictable and the story was a rehash of what we already saw, the movie was BORING! It's amazing how Hollywood can continue to put out movies like this, cheat their viewers, and then wonder in astonishment why everyone stays home to stream or pirate movies. Maybe it's because more and more movies these days simply support overpaid political activists whose only creative effort is to make a political statement at the expense of entertainment. I'm done with Star Wars. I don't need to see episodes VIII or IX, because I already know what is going to happen. Episode VIII and IX will be remakes of the Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi with Ren as Luke, Luke as Obi Wan, and Kylo Rey as Darth Vader. I'm sure VIII will have the surprise statement by Kylo Rey when he battles Ren saying, "Ren, I am your cousin," and IX will end with Ren bringing Rey to the good side with little furry creatures celebrating in tree tops and the ghosts of Luke and Han looking approvingly over the scene. Yeah, been there done that, there is no sense in my wasting money or time to do it again. Star Wars is Dead! Thanks Disney and Abrams and you politically correct whackos. Thanks a lot! A NOTE ON POSITIVE REVIEWS After reading many of the positive reviews, I can only come to the conclusion that 1/3 of them are written by hard core Star Wars fans who will rave about anything with the "Star Wars" logo attached to it and will refuse to their dying day that they were wrong about this movie, 1/3 by people who never saw Star Wars and accept this cheap rip off because it is the only version of the story they have seen, and 1/3 by studio hacks. The positive reviewers have also resorted to calling the negative reviewers "Haters." It's amazing how convenient it is today for people to throw that word around to discredit anyone who has a differing opinion. That should tell you everything you need to know about the character and honesty of the positives reviewers.
Have you ever disagreed with someone about the quality of a production
so intensely that you've wondered if the two of you even watched the
same film? I'm sorry, everyone in the world, I thought The Force
Awakens was a real snoozer. I'm not surprised that my eight year old
nephew loved it, but I can't for the life of me figure out why the
adults I associate with aren't offended at what we've been offered by
Abrams as the continuation of the world's foremost loved space epic.
Essentially what it feels like is a reboot of the original series, except this time for kids (no surprise there, Disney), not a meaningful continuation that picks up where the originals left off. Although I did start having my doubts about my future satisfaction with the Star Wars franchise when Disney made its Star Wars paraphernalia so pervasive that one morning I found myself unconsciously buttering my toast with DeathStar Margarine Spread©. Yeahhead trip, but I got over it.
There was virtually zero discussion within the movie itself as to what happened after episode Vl and how we got to where we are now, making this production feel like a desperate lurch to be a stand-alone and to appeal to an audience who is too young to have appreciated the Spice Girls let alone the originals. This direction may be satisfying for some, but for those of us who were expecting more will find ourselves disappointed. Furthermore, I was saddened by the obvious deficiency surrounding the exploration of the mythology of the Force. One of the elements that so intrigued viewers about the originals was the underlying spirituality and the metaphysical forces at play within the Star Wars universe; however, in this version of Star Wars Abrams seems to care more about the characters ceaselessly running away from things and having meaningless, often silly conversation (like in one scene the character Finn asks Rey in the goofiest way possible if she has a boyfriendI laughed but I was so ashamed) instead of exploring the depths of some of the most intriguing supernatural philosophy in all of moviedom. However, this fact is not surprising as the masses seem to be entertained predominantly by action, comedy, flashing lights, and explosions, not exploring the psychological latitudes of light and dark within the human soul, and definitely not sitting through slow scenes of dialogue which could (God forbid) give us an understanding of the depths of the Star Wars legend and mystery. I suppose in this regard (and in too many others) Abrams gave the people what they wanted.
Not only was the confined exploration of the Force disappointing but so was the serious lack of emotional poignancy. At no point, AT LITERALLY NO POINT, did I feel sad, frustrated, anxious, worried, or exhilarated during its belabored two hours and sixteen minutes. The characters felt like they could be potentially cloned from any PG-13 teen movie you've seen since Twilight hijacked the world and forced it's twisted, disgusting version of acceptable adolescent stereotypes upon us. You could almost swap out the light-sabers, tie-fighters, and storm troopers and you'd have a great sequel to whatever the hell number Hunger Games we're on these days (because that's how interesting the rest of the plot was).
Another thing that really annoyed me was the way in which the galaxy was too American. Of course I get it, it was made by Hollywood IT IS American, but guys, this is supposed to be in a GALAXY FAR AWAY, so why was there very little attempt made to try and hide that? Between the all too familiar mannerisms, jokes, and language I just couldn't fully suspend my disbelief. In my opinion, the originals managed to avoid most overt use of cultural indicators, I mean sure, it's impossible to avoid all due to obvious limitations, but watch the main character Finn carefully during the movie and you'll see that he's dripping with 21st century western American dude. Like literally drenched. Where was the otherworldly authenticity among the main characters?
Of course it wasn't all bad. The visuals were beautiful, much of the topography and effects were breathtaking, and I have to admit that I did feel pangs of nostalgia over any scene that included an X-wing, but overall it wasn't enough. Really a lot of what it comes down to is expectation. So many people have told me that they went into it not expecting too much and that they had "fun" watching it; and then there's me sitting here thinking: what on Tatooine are they talking about? With all the media hype this film received, not to mention the disappointment of the prequels, I was expecting a hell of a lot out of this movie, and simple fun ain't gonna cut it. Abrams seemed to have carved the profundity and soul out of Star Wars with a lightsaber the same soul we've been waiting to enter our lives again ever since the prequels ruined them.
The Force Awakens was half way there, but it felt forced (pun intended), shallow, in need of a more refined plot, more mature characters, a deeper spirituality, moral complexity and depth; it needed to resonate more deeply with the IMPORTANT themes of the original, and to not have felt like a chaste teen romance with some old faces in there used like a box office tractor beam. If you're content with having your childhood favorite epic turned into a lovable, easily digestible icon of twenty-first century pop culture, marketed intentionally at young people to delight and entertain whilst simultaneously causing you to cringe at the fact that the original actors are okay with such a disservice to a beloved story, then you will enjoy the continuation of this franchise.
May the force save us from this trilogy.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I loved all the previous star wars movies (yes, even the prequels).
But this, this was just deeply disappointing. I could get past all the cheap/easy typical Disney humour (which is actually enjoyable in cartoons) but the plot of the movie, lack of character development, and lack of star wars was just too much.
The only thing making this movie resemble star wars were the old stars from the original movie. it was pleasant to see Han Solo, but only as a fan of the original film. Within itself, the whole Leia-Han Solo love story was completely destroyed by this movie. Their relationship seemed superficial. but it didn't really matter because there was just no time for character development or illustration of the depth of their relationship. The movie just needed to show more dull fight scenes, entirely recycled across the original trilogy.
The meaning and depth of the force was cheapened: apparently now a storm trooper can not just use a light saber but also fight and win with a Sith Lord (who at the beginning of the film was able to stop bullets mid air, kill with the force, and read people's minds).
The force doesn't awaken because we never see the force being forgotten. Instead the new characters at one recognize Han Solo and know everything there is to know about Skywalker: boring much?! Reminds me of a bad episode IV.
The plot of the film is essentially going to destroy the death star.... yes the death star... BUT NO WAIT IT'S 10X BIGGER IT'S FINE.
All in all, even writing the review is painful. I was expecting a beautifully executed movie, given the advancement of technology and funding for this. Instead I saw something so simple, I wanted to leave (during the premiere). Clearly, long gone are the days of incredible creatures, amazing costumes (shout out to Lucas). And in are the days of a cheap villain, who looks like he came straight out of a Disney princess movie: and acts the same....
Please, please, please improve the next movie. DO A PLOT. We can think for ourselves, I promise....
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I was really looking forward to this movie even knowing that Abrams
will be directing it. And now I wish I didn't watch. It was just bad.
No other words for it.
Everyone already said about plot being just a random rehash of previous episodes. We've already seen all situations, all locations, all plot turns. There's nothing original in this movie and it seems pointless in general.
SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER
Some basics of the SW Universe are changed to accommodate the characters. Now a guy who is not a Force-user can fight with a trained Sith using a lightsaber. Untrained Force-user can use jedi mindtricks with no training at all. Sith can feel a non-Force-user from across considerable distance but not if the same man is standing 10 meters apart from him. Stormtroopers see Sith have a fit if pointless hysterics and calmly walk away from him despite his summons. Light Side is a constant seduction to Siths. And so on and so on... It all feels like a badly written fanfic.
And it is also filmed badly. In all Star Wars movies first appearance of ship or a planet always was a momentous scene. This is totally lost here. Also there are many unflattering camera angles, poorly choreographed scenes, battle sequences are rushed and not always thought-out. With modern technology and special effects it could have been magnificent, but instead it's cheaply looking. I've caught myself thinking that "A New Hope" looked better and more advanced than this one.
Maybe if you've never watched Star Wars you will like this movie, but for those familiar with old episodes it most probably will be a major let down.
1 out of 10 just because it' impossible to give 0.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I hate to be the one to point this out, but in the spirit of truth the
movie is complete garbage. Once you get past the real sets and
practical effects, the only thing done right, this movie is simply
terrible. It has no depth at all. In the prequels with bad acting,
terrible special effects and lack of real sets sucked yes, but at least
they had a good story.
1. The entire story is basically the original 3 films mashed together into 130 minutes of rehashed fan appeasement, no original story other then killing of Han Solo, which was rehashed from the Luke/Vader empire fight scene but far less spectacular.
2. There is absolutely no back story to the Republic or the First Order and what's been happening over the last 30 years.
3. The new bad guy is a whiny immature kid with daddy problems that throws literal temper tantrums whenever he does not get his way, even worse than the fan hated prequels.
4. The new bad guy wears a mask for no reason other than to apparently look and sound cool? I mean he takes it off and shows his face several times in the movie so it's obviously not to hide his identity. If it's for simple armor then show him only wearing it in combat and protecting him from a blaster shot to the face or something.
5. The new bad guy goes bad for seemingly no reason at all? He has his mom and dad in his life and they love him very much, yet he wants to follow in the foot steps of his evil grandfather who died before he was even born? Darth Vader went good in the end and saved Luke by killing the emperor and becoming a force ghost like Obi One, so why doesn't he just appear to his force sensitive grandson and explain the truth of what happened to him and explain to him he is being misguided by a lie!?
6. Why was Gwendoline Christie even in the film? She literally had 2 scenes more then the trailer showed and served no purpose, must be because she's a bad guy woman and that's different and cool right?
7. The 3.0 Death Star only bigger, but with the exact same weakness as the first 2 and destroyed the exact same way, really!!??
8. As this director showed in Star Trek, he does not care at all about destroying the major cornerstones of a franchise story such as having Romulus destroyed in the very beginning of his rehashed Star Trek series and killing off nearly the entire population of a fan favorite planet/race. The new bigger more powerful 3.0 death star destroys multiple planets, the entire Republic and its fleet in one shot killing billions of people!!??
9. Clear liberal Hollywood feminist propaganda, I don't mind a strong female lead at all! But did they have to make her a completely unrealistic super woman!? She learns she has force powers, figures out how to use said force powers by her self in what could have only been a couple days at most and beats the hell out of the multi year trained bad guy apprentice!!!
10. A waste disposal storm trooper uses a light saber no training necessary?
11. A one day old Jedi with no training can use a light saber the first day she holds it as good as a multi year trained apprentice when Luke had to train for at least months with Yoda and still had his ass kicked by Vader, must be because she's a super woman right?
12. Ray knows more about the technical aspects of the Millennium falcon and can fly it better then Hans Solo can even when she has never flown a star ship before, just like a 9 year old did in the prequels flying a fighter and destroying the droid control ship right? Oh ya she's super woman, I forgot.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
A small droid carrying classified data crash lands on desert planet.
Meets teenage characters. Rebel Alliance needs the data to fight the
Empire's new planet-destroying weapon. Rinse and repeat.
Sound familiar? That was the plot to both Episode IV: A New Hope, and Jar-Jar Abrams latest calamity that just found its way onto cinema screens across the country.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to like this movie-- but alas, we got yet another one of Abrams' typical mind-numbing explosion-fests. It has ALL of Jar-Jar Abrams normal movie failings:
* A cast of characters almost entirely made up of pre-adolescents trying to play adult roles.
* Dialogue/screenplay that seems like it was written by an 8-year old.
* Nothing that even slightly resembles a plot. I am surprised Abrams didn't put "Red Matter" in this movie to fill in all the gaps between his weak story-telling and the plot loopholes it creates, like he did with Star Disaster XI.
As is the case with most of the reboots he has done to date-- Abrams lacks the creativity and writing ability to come up with an original and compelling plot on his own, so he just plagiarizes an existing story and makes "some changes" to better fit his "vision" (as in LSD-induced) of it. He props up these mindless stories by inserting a bunch of unnecessary homage moments to famous lines and clichés from the previous established films in the mythos to try and give his creation validity ("He's dead, Jim").
Really? Another movie about destroying a death star? A droid carrying the plans that the Empire wants to stop from falling into Alliance hands? How original....
He doesn't care if his stories makes sense or not, or if he breaks his own rules; in Star Trek XI, like when the Enterprise could not beam up Spock's mother (because she was falling), but later in the movie, Scotty and Kirk beamed onto the Enterprise from another solar system while it was moving at warp speed with no problems! The Force Awakens had PLENTY of these "Abrams' moments".
A wise man once told me-- "The litmus test for good and bad storytelling comes down to this: do the actions of the characters in your story fit the background and motivations you gave them in your story history? If not-- it is GARBAGE." For instance, a Romulan captain, so enraged his home planet got destroyed-- would not sit on his hands for 25 years, waiting for Spock (who, given the complexity of time travel-- might NEVER have appeared) to show up, so he can blow up the entire galaxy (obviously Abrams does not understand interstellar distances) just to show everyone just how mad he really is!! Now there is a story that will be remembered over the ages....
The actors in this movie were so poor-- it was difficult to tell what exactly their motivations, passions, and driving ideals were. They all had about as much emotional content as Hayden Christiansen (little or none) from the prequels.
* Explosions and guns ablazing, pretty much from the moment the beginning credits close until the end credits start rolling. By the time you are 5 minutes into the movie-- you are already bored and desensitized to it.
I am not surprised to find that many of the people who thought Star Trek XI and XII (the one with a Caucasian Khanoonian Singh) were good movies, also think this movie was in any way memorable (other than the humongous sense of disappointment I walked out of the theater feeling).
Jar-Jar Abrams should be banned from ruining any more legendary movie franchises. The fans themselves could have written a better story and backdrop for this film.
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