- Sue Heck: Picking a keychain! Which one do you guys like? I've been collecting them over the years, and now that I'm gonna drive, it's finally time to choose. This one's "I 'heart' New York". I've got, like, four "Brown County" ones. This one says "I'm going commando". I don't really get it, but I do support the military.
- Brick Heck: Well, I did it. I completed your challenge.
- Frankie Heck: Challenge? What challenge?
- Brick Heck: I ate all my candy in 24 hours just like you said.
- Mike Heck: You told him to eat all his candy?
- Frankie Heck: No.
- Brick Heck: You said I had to finish it.
- Frankie Heck: No, I didn't.
- [to Mike]
- Frankie Heck: I thought he would eat some, get sick, and not want the rest. You know, like when someone starts smoking and you force them to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes.
- Mike Heck: Not really helping your case for Mother of the Year.
- Frankie Heck: How in the world could you possibly have eaten all that candy?
- Brick Heck: It wasn't easy, but I powered through.
- Frankie Heck: There's nothing left? Not even a Tootsie Roll? You know, for the soldiers.
- Frankie Heck: That kid has a year and a half of candy coursing through his veins.
- Mike Heck: He's more sugar than boy.
- Frankie Heck: But it's made him... normal. I'm telling you, we have stumbled onto something here. It's like "Lorenzo's Oil". People should know about this.
- Mike Heck: Frankie, nobody ever needs to know about this.
- Axl Heck: Look, this is important. My whole life people have been telling me what to do. "Sit up straight." "That cup's not a toilet." "Clean your room." Well, now I finally have a say. Now I get to tell America to clean its room.
- Sue Heck: But I'm scared. What if I mess up again?
- Axl Heck: Sue! Let me tell you why I'm so awesome. You see, even when I have no idea what I'm doing, I pretend I do. That's why I'm good at everything. This guy, Harry Butts - he should be living in a hole, but he has the guts to put his name on signs all over town and run for office. If he could do that, then you gotta step it up and get me there so I can vote for him. Do it for America!
- Sue Heck: I just love America so much. I'll do it!