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"How I Met Your Mother" Splitsville (TV Episode 2012) Poster

(TV Series)

(2012)

Quotes

Barney Stinson: [to Nick about Robin] I love everything about her, and I'm not a guy who says that lightly, I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life, I'm a guy who thought love was just something idiots felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to. And there have been times when I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling, and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I'm hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.

Marshall Eriksen: Okay that's ridiculous! Is Nick a genius? No. But does he have average intelligence? No! But he is a human being with a heart!

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Barney Stinson: Talk about a double standard. Every time I go after a busty dullard that can't tell time or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets.

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Barney Stinson: And the Oscar for Best Fake Romantic Speech goes to Barney Stinson! I'd like to thank all the ladies over the years with whom I've practiced fake romantic speeches and of course Robin Scherbatsky who was so hypnotised by hog that she needed me to come and save her.

Robin Scherbatsky: You know what, I didn't need your help.

Barney Stinson: You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt and pulling off his inside-out underpants.

Robin Scherbatsky: I'll give you this, you were pretty convincing.

Barney Stinson: Hey, tricking good looking idiots is kind of my thing.

Robin Scherbatsky: No, I mean you were *really* convincing.

Barney Stinson: Please, I was bro-ing you out. I'm just glad he bought it so quick. Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you.

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Marshall Eriksen: If Joel uses ringers, so can we, and Nick is our best player, so as far as I am concerned, he can both keep your groins on ice.

Ted Mosby: "Groins On Ice"... Least popular Madison Square Garden holiday show ever.

Robin Scherbatsky: Why are you so into this basketball league?

Marshall Eriksen: Robin, its the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 Who Work In Midtown League. It's The Show!

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Ted Mosby: [Enters Splitsville, meeting his basketball team] Hey t-squares. Well, bad news. Heard back from the 'leeg' office, my shot is not gonna count. But onwards and upwards, right? What you cats wanna rap about?

Joel: Listen coach, you're great.

Giles: And we all really want to stay friends.

Ted Mosby: [Bowl of ice cream is placed on the table] I can change. I can...

[Architects start to leave]

Ted Mosby: Come on we... we had some good times, things have been weird lately. Is there another architect? Just tell me!

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