- Lily Aldrin: [Explaining Marshall's new "sassy" persona] Look Ted, it gets exhausting constantly giving people advice they haven't asked for, so I'm training Marshall.
- Marshall Eriksen: My goal is to eventually say things that are so sassy and wise, that there is no possible response other than "Mm" or *Mmhm*. And if this is a place where we can share our dreams, I like to think that it is, I hope someday, to earn a... *testify*!
- Ted Mosby: Victoria is happy we're taking things slow.
- Marshall Eriksen: Oh oh honey sweetie baby. No thirty-two year old woman is happy taking things slow. Trust me, Victoria has got friends from high school posting pictures of second babies on Facebook and you think girlfriend's all like, oh lets just bone a bunch so I'm another year older and still single? Bitch please!
- Ted Mosby: There's something I need to tell you. I've thought about this a ton and I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but... I'm not in love with Robin, but she's like family to me, and I can't end that. So, can you accept that?
- Victoria: [Looks at ted sadly] I really hope you get her someday.
- [leaves in tears]
- Barney Stinson: [to Robin and Nick at MacLaren's] Guys, I got a new bro. A bro that puts all other bros to shame. The bitches love him. Ha! He buries bones all day.
- [whoops]
- Barney Stinson: No one chases tail like him. Oooow! Why aren't you guys laughing? Oh I should have let you on this - he's a dog!
- [points to bar, where a number of women adore a dog]
- Barney Stinson: I call him... "Brover." I'll go - owww! - *fetch* him.
- Ted Mosby: [about Victoria] Why wouldn't she just come right out and say what she wants?
- Marshall Eriksen: Men! It's like if there weren't pickle jars to open and spiders to kill and computers to back up, what would be their point?
- Lily Aldrin: Mmhm!