2.4/10
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9 user 16 critic

Clash of the Empires (2012)

Not Rated | | Action, Adventure, Fantasy | Video 13 November 2012
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In an age long ago, the last village of clever, peace-loving Hobbits is attacked and enslaved by the Java Men, komodo-worshiping, dragon-riding cannibals. Now the young Hobbit Goben, along ... See full summary »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Laylan
Sun Korng ...
Goben
Srogn ...
Tak Tek
Khom Lyly ...
Omi
...
Amthar
Jerry Earr ...
Varm
Armani Nguon ...
Pesh
Antonis Greco ...
King Korm
Tom Eurt ...
Suta
Kreb ...
Koto
Savorne Horm ...
Chi-Cha
Neng Houy ...
Saytay
Hak Hoy ...
Java Picker
Hun Sophy ...
Gahargath
Ka ...
Balgog
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Storyline

In an age long ago, the last village of clever, peace-loving Hobbits is attacked and enslaved by the Java Men, komodo-worshiping, dragon-riding cannibals. Now the young Hobbit Goben, along with his father and sister, must seek help from the "giants" (human hunters) to find the Javas' lair and rescue the last surviving Hobbits, Goben's mother among them. In their quest to destroy the Javas, the heroic partnership of humans and Hobbits will transform both species forever. Written by The Asylum

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Not Rated | See all certifications »

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Release Date:

13 November 2012 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

Age of the Hobbits  »

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1.78 : 1
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Did You Know?

Trivia

Originally titled 'Age of the Hobbits' until Warner Bros/New Line Cinema, MGM and Saul Zaentz sued The Asylum. See more »

Goofs

When Amthar free the prisoners, the shadows of the camera crew is visible on the ground. See more »

Connections

Referenced in Alone for Christmas (2013) See more »

Soundtracks

Invocation
Written by Chris Ridenhour and Sanya Mateyas
Performed by Ravenswood
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User Reviews

 
Overacting Thai midgets = pure movie crystal meth
27 January 2013 | by (Connecticut) – See all my reviews

Some movies defy reviews.

Think "Zardoz." Think "Myra Breckinridge." Think of any time you've said, "What the hell planet is this movie from?" That's this movie.

The gorgeous location shooting, along with the grand adventure narrative, give the impression hack filmmaking house The Asylum's goal here was to evoke a John Milius' "Conan the Barbarian"-type epic.

What turned it to gold was the decision to populate the cast almost entirely with Thai midgets. And they fight giant spiders and battle cavemen who ride flying Komodo dragons. Because yeah. And all of this takes place, the beginning of the film instructs us, in "Indonesia, 12,000 years ago."

Shoehorned into the story are some dude from "Stargate SG-1" and every-man's-Asian-girlfriend-nightmare Bai Ling, because the movie needed star power and Bai Ling probably needed the money for bail or booze.

But they don't matter, because what this movie is really about is wildly overacting, violently gesticulating little people who have been dubbed, apparently, by the same people who dubbed all those "Godzilla" movies in the 1960s.

Folks, they're WONDERFUL. They chew through the scenery, barking their lines and flailing their arms like Ewok Shatners.

They turned what might have been an above-average adventure offering from The Asylum, like "Princess of Mars," into an astounding Munchkinland/Lord-of-the-Rings/tiny-chicks-in-the-box-from-"Mothra" mashup.

It's pure movie crystal meth. You know it's poison. You know it's rotting your brain. But you just can't resist it.

And despite the cavemen's obvious joke-store fang teeth, despite the second most poorly rendered digital woolly rhinoceros ever put on screen (the first being, of course, Zach Galifianakis), despite your wanting Bai Ling to just stop yapping and take her clothes off (she does neither), you'll watch it again. Then you'll rent it again. Then you'll buy the DVD. Then you'll start selling "Clash of the Empires" DVDs just to support your viewing habit.

This is your brain. This is your brain on overacting Thai midgets. Any questions?


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