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|Index||37 reviews in total|
Oh My God. This movie sucked a**. I feel as though I should kill myself
now. This movie cannot be unseen. I will forever remember it as the
worst movie i had ever laid eyes upon. My IQ burned by 20 points while
my sense refuses to comprehend why was such an awful movie was ever
written, filmed, acted, edited and finally released to the unsuspecting
audience. The characters were unified in their stupidity, the character
buildup was forced and felt unnatural. The visual effects seemed to
have been created by an 8 year old boy using MS-Paint (and not in a
good way). The acting was absolutely shameful and degrading. I feel
sorry for all those involved in the making of this waste of time in
hear my words, those responsible for the movie need be avenged!
WHY GOD? WHY!?
When somebody is really hurt, I mean there is slight panic, and you
find a house, what is the first thing you say when familiar face opens
the door? Think about it. In this movie the answer is "I did not know
you lived here. Bla blah blah blah...Oh by the way: My brother here is
bleeding to death."
This movie is embarrassing. The sound effects are so familiar. The story beyond predictable. But the food is good.
If you want a boo-movie this is the one for you.
The acting wasn't all that bad... Well it was but the script did not give them anything to work with. It feels like they all read a summary of a story and acted it out in somebodies backyard.
I know the requirement is to write 10 lines about a movie but that is because calling it by a 4 letter word would be to obvious.
I thought this was the Hollywood Blockbuster "Witch Hunter" movie. Well it was not.I'm a fan of the Brother's Grimm, I'm a fan of horror, I'm even a (big) fan of B-movies. But this movie belongs to the "why-did-I-watch-this-why?" genre. Horrible script, bad acting, bad everything. Even Dee Wallace, who is a respectable actress, cannot make this film bearable. "Hansel" and "Gretel" is supposed to be a classic horror story, but it is completely "butchered" in this production. If you watch this,prepared to be amazed at how bad a movie can be and what a complete waste of time it was.. And if you are a Grimm fan,oh boy... Beware: Do not watch this!
There is something compulsively watchable about how notoriously bad The Asylum movies are, which is why I keep watching even if I know not to expect much. Hansel and Gretel is not the worst Asylum movie and I have seen worse movies generally but that doesn't stop it from being awful in an embarrassing way. The Asylum movies are rarely of good quality visually, and Hansel and Gretel is not an exception. Any attempts to give some atmosphere are badly hindered by choppy editing and the fact that it is far too bright when it could easily have benefited from a somewhat surrealistic look. The sound effects are bizarre and the scoring is generic. Fairy tales can work when modernised if done the right way. Done the right way Hansel and Gretel does not, all of the ideas it has comes across as derivative in alternative to having ideas of its own, and it is very difficult to enjoy the movie when you know what is going to happen next every time. The horror elements just don't work either, any suspenseful or tense build ups are next to nothing and all of the characters seem to be oblivious to what is going on. I also could tell from hearing the dialogue that Hansel and Gretel had absolutely no idea of what it wanted or was trying to be, having one moment where it is so simplistic it is almost childish and then another where it's all gory and foul-mouthed just doesn't gel and makes everything confused instead. The characters are cardboard with limited attempt at any kind of development and also come across as annoying. And the acting is bad, very bad even. Only Dee Wallace tries, though while she looks as though she's enjoying herself and she has the best lines(not saying much) she doesn't come as much of a threat, which was quite a big distraction considering that she is the main villain here. But not as glaring as the disasters with the script and story. All in all, not the worst that The Asylum has made but still a dud. 1/10 Bethany Cox
This "Hansel & Gretel" film has NO positive attributes. It is the worst
horror film that I have witnessed in a LONG LONG time. I'm telling you,
as an avid fan and (not to toot my own horn here...) and aficionado of
sorts when it comes to horror, that this is pure garbage of the highest
It is very difficult to tell the world, "EVERYONE will enjoy this horror film!" when I love a horror film.People's tastes just differ too much.
However, on this occasion, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that NO ONE will enjoy this film. It is absolutely terrible.
Dee Wallace (bless her for trying) is the only part of this movie that kept me from turning it off 20 minutes into it. And I NEVER do that, certainly not with horror films. I LIKE poorly acted and cheesy horror films to an extent, but they have to have something special for me to enjoy something like that. I mean, "Friday the 13th" sequels have 90% cheese and 10% horror, yet the mystique of those victims, the reality of the violence, the care you (sometimes) incur for a character, not to mention the butch Jason himself, make me ENJOY those films. "Hansel & Gretel" has NOTHING but the lowest budget in the history of horror films (maybe other than "BTK Killer" - still the reigning champ of worst movies of all time) and that low budget combined with a complete lack of any serious plot or scary moments shines through, and makes this film unwatchable. Cringe-worthy. Even the violence sucks, folks. And when even the violence is sub-par in a horror film (WELL BELOW PAR), and there are NO redeeming qualities, it makes for an absolute embarrassment of a film. It's these types of films that give horror a bad name. This madness must stop.
Dee Wallace is worth watching for about 10 minutes, but she's being directed by a director who quite literally could be a rhesus monkey, and certainly is not an "actor's director", so even her performance is greatly flawed in many areas, most likely due to the director and editing of the acting she turned in.
Take an avid horror fan's word for it, and don't waste your time on this dreck. THIS FILM IS NOTHING BUT TERRIBLE!!! You've been warned.
Sorry Folks but any movie coming out the same year being posted as a
same event is most definitely a rip-off.
One should be questioning the movie right at the get go with two twenty something year olds (referred to as "kids") named Hansel and Gretel.
Really? I would have shipped my parents off to Guam just for that alone.
Even if you're into blood and gore, it showed that the make-up dude was "in training" (I used to do triage make-up for the army....so trust me on this one).
I can't write much more without admitting to spoilers....yet...what's to spoil? What a joke.
Look...if you're like me, I just watch a movie for what it is worth, please feel free. The plot works if you're just into lazy horror. If you like to watch a movie for the first time and forget it later. This is a good movie...once and only once. As of this review the real "Hansel and Gretel:Witch Hunters" is now showing in theaters...today is 28 Jan 2013.
I started to see this movie by mistake thinking it was the Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters one. I just don't understand when I see these movies, who pays to have them made. I would love to talk to the person who wrote this and just ask why? No one in their right mind can think this is any good. The acting is terrible and the storyline is so stupid. I kept thinking it was going to have something that made the movie watchable. I finally just got up and turned it off. If it wasn't cause I was on a free trial of Netflix I would cancel my subscription for even having this garbage on their site. This isn't even good enough to have in the background while you fall asleep.
Accidentally watched the movie, thought it was the one with Jeremy
Seriously: Why make a ripoff of a movie and name it that similar plus in the f**king same year? Wasted like 45 minutes (accidently) and the rest intentionally.. Thought it couldn't get any worse than it was at that point when I realized it was the wrong movie due to bad acting and a complete bulls**t-script.
However: There is just one good thing which I can tell about the movie. The "hot" Gretel... The rest is just negative, as like the already mentioned bad acting and the bullshit-script. But also the horrible makeup.
This movie is just ridiculous.
Watch it when you are stoned and with friends, you'll laugh your ass off.
3/4 out of 10 , I don't really like trash-movies... If this was supposed to be one.
Made this account just to post that.
I must admit that I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with most
films from Asylum. With over 50 movies in the can, the production
company has yet to lose money on a single feature. Often from the time
a title is announced to the moment the film is available to purchase is
less than six months. This is cynical filmmaking to say the least but
there is something ingenious about the business side of this sort of
low brow end of movies approach. Is this really anything different than
what Roger Corman did in the 60s and 70s? Joe Dante's Piranha was a
shameless rip off of Jaws. The Asylum's Hansel and Gretel is a
shameless rip off of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. The real question
to ask...does this rip off work or is it even worse than the
"blockbuster" it is trying to capitalize on. Let's take a bite out of
Hansel and Gretel.
As Hansel & Gretel begins we witness an overweight girl tied up in shackles trapped in a dark and dreary basement. She manages to get herself free and she runs out of the house and into the woods only to find herself trapped yet again. An apple in the mouth and some seasonings and she has become the next meal for the family who lives in the house. After "treated" to the opening Saw "homage", I was already tuning myself out of the film. But then something strange happened. The movie developed a sense of humor about itself and it went from being a chore to sit through to becoming one of the more entertaining movies of the last few years. We have our two heroes (Hansel and Gretel, of course) on a race against time as they battle the delightfully evil Dee Wallace as the witch. But I mean Dee Wallace runs a bakery that sells meat pies called The Gingerbread House. How great is that?
I'm been complaining lately that there haven't been enough good-bad horror movies lately. Horror movies that aren't exactly great but are shamelessly entertaining. The Asylum's Hansel and Gretel completely fits the bill. Not only is this Asylum's best work to date, it is also their most enjoyable work yet. A terrifically over-the-top performance by Dee Wallace who gets to shout lines like "EAT YOUR DINNER!" and "I was always going to eat YOU!" seals the deal. A must watch for slasher fans. I can't wait to dig in for seconds.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
........but it's not great either! This film is watchable for what it
is, but Hansel & Gretal had so many opportunities to kill the witch and
her two sons and didn't take them that I was literally rolling my eyes
at the screen.
Also it should be noted that Hansel and Gretal didn't seem to give a toss when they saw their Dad lying on the ground with a pitchfork protruding from his abdomen and even ran away whilst the witch was stabbing him to death. They didn't try to help or even acknowledge to each other what had just happened.....that alone makes the film irritating. It's irritating but watchable.
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