It's a late night for everybody. There are many ways for a fire to start in a household, but Luke's (Nolan Gould
) box of magic tricks (The Great Lukini) is a new one. Phil (Ty Burrell
), naturally, is proud of him; he even got Luke lessons from a man he found online. (Because that never goes wrong.) On the other hand, Jay (Ed O'Neill
) is up for an entirely different reason: Gloria (Sofía Vergara
) is snoring like a buzzsaw thanks to her pregnancy. To make things worse, Manny (Rico Rodriguez
) already claimed the couch downstairs. And Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson
) is being kept up by Cameron (Eric Stonestreet
) practicing for his first day as a music teacher. Mitchell decided to let it go, but Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons
) took the direct approach, unplugged his electric piano, and threw the plug at him.
As Jay thanks his lucky stars he has a trip to San Francisco and gets a night away from the snoring machine, Cam is excited and confident he'll knock the socks off of middle school students. (You already know what's coming, don't you.) But Mitch is being supportive, even handling Lily duties for the day, the list of which Cam must remind him of, naturally. Meanwhile, Luke wants to quit doing magic because he isn't interested in it, and Claire thinks Phil will be OK with that. (No, he's not.)
You have to give Cameron credit for the enthusiasm, but middle school kids are the toughest to teach. (I know this first-hand, having taught Math.) But Cam pushed forward and tried to teach the kids about his good friend...music. And Luke and Manny pretended they didn't know him. Mitchell wasn't having much more luck getting Lily to school, thanks to traffic, not strapping her seat in the car correctly, and Lily pointing these things out to him. Cam checked in with him at the grocery store and even helped Mitch find Lily when she wandered off in the store.
Jay ended up not needing to stay in Frisco ("They hate it when you call it Frisco.") overnight and he hadn't slept in a week. Claire's (Julie Bowen
) advice about Gloria's snoring? Suck it up.
CLAIRE: Your hot wife, who was learning to walk when you were 30 years old, is pregnant with the baby you conceived doing something most men would kill to do!
And Claire said Gloria was going through so much with the extra weight, which was up to 45 pounds by the time Jay hung up. By the time Jay got home, even Stella II was begging for help. Jay snuck out and headed for a hotel.
Meanwhile, Phil made a deal with Luke: he could quit magic if he could execute The Butler's Escape, where Luke is shackled in a butler's uniform and obviously must get out of it. Which he did...even before Phil had finished tying him upside down. Phil was upset because Luke didn't share one of his interests, but Claire found some wisdom in what was going on. Alex (Ariel Winter
) had been sniping at everybody and Claire couldn't figure out why. But the opposing forces needed to make the Butler's Escape work was figuratively what Claire needed. Alex was missing her opposing force: Haley (Sarah Hyland
). But one nasty Skype call to Haley, and the family was balanced once again.
At home, Lily had her braids done, the dimmer switch was fixed, and there was even a nice meal on the table...all thanks to Claire but Cam doesn't need to know that. But Cam broke down and admitted his first day was a disaster. Even the other teachers didn't like him. Mitchell tried to still take credit for his work, but Claire ratted him out, saying Mitch was every bit the failure he was today. But Cam hugged Mitch, figuring he was on the receiving end of many sisterly insults that day. (CLAIRE: Is this going to work its way around to a 'thank you', ladies?)
Gloria calls Jay to surprise him and say she took a plane to San Francisco. Jay panics, grabs all of his stuff, and runs down to the hotel lobby. Where, of course, a ticked-off Gloria is waiting for him. Apparently, Manny was already at the hotel looking for peace and quiet, since the library was a total pickup scene. Gloria thought he was having an affair, but Jay confessed needing a night away from her snoring and hogging the bed like Rush Limbaugh. (Ironic, given Gloria sleeps on the left side of the bed.) Gloria was mad at him for not saying anything, even though he didn't want her to get mad at him like she got mad at Manny earlier. But she wants that because she knows he can take a little yelling: she loves that about him, in fact. And at least his hotel room won't go to waste: Gloria will sleep at the hotel while Jay takes Manny home.