In the year 2213, Kantmiss Evershot practices archery in the forest, but her boyfriend, Dale, surprises her; the arrow accidentally hits the Wizard of Oz. They return to District 12, where the residents fight over food. At the Gathering for the 75th annual Starving Games, President Snowballs explains in the promo video that he separated America into districts to keep "stupid stuff" from happening again, such as Lady Gaga being president; due to this, the rich now dress in bright and odd clothing. During the drawing for District 12's contestants, trouble occurs as vulgar name puns get drawn first. Petunia, Kantmiss's sister, tricks Kantmiss into volunteering when she gets picked; Dale tries volunteering too, but idiotic Peter Malarky beats him to it.
When the game begins, Kantmiss watches others fight for equipment as their numbers dwindle, due to getting what they want or being killed in scruffles. Kantmiss grabs a backpack and tries fleeing, but the producer sends Angry Birds to attack her; she defeats them and squashes the Annoying Orange. Peter teams up with Marco's group, who aim to kill Kantmiss. They flee when she knocks down a beehive; Kantmiss is stung, and the venom causes her to hallucinate she is a Na'vi until she is slapped back to her senses by fellow contestant Rudy; they team up, vowing to kill the other contestants first. Kantmiss kills some by playing on weaknesses. Rudy gets killed saving Kantmiss.
Wanting to spice up the games, Snowballs wants a lesbian love story, but learns Kantmiss is the only woman left; thus only a straight romance is possible. The producer announces a couple can win the games, making Kantmiss decide to team up with Marco over Peter; however, the producer fakes being killed to convince her to search for Peter instead. She finds Peter, who's been badly injured by Marco's group via rough back waxing. Kantmiss kills all but Marco, fleeing with Peter to a cave. Since Kantmiss is keeping distant from Peter, the producer offers a trade; he'll send medical supplies to treat Peter if she gets more intimate with him. As Kantmiss and Peter start to have sex, Gandalf and Dwarves appear in the cave, lecherously groping her; they are promptly evicted. To get better medical supplies, Kantmiss has sex with Peter, which is televised. Dale is left disgusted by this and barges into the Starving Games arena.
The next day, Peter tries getting Kantmiss to have sex with him again, but she nearly crushes his fingers in response. They and Marco end up walking around the same tree, to the annoyance of the audience. Kantmiss and Peter surprise Marco, but Snowballs orders Seleca (the producer), to send in the "big guns", which is sending in the Expendables, but an armed Dale arrives, killing them all, telling Kantmiss to come back with him. Kantmiss orders him to leave; he promptly breaks up with her, while she dismisses him as clingy. Marco holds Peter hostage, but Kantmiss shoots a loaf of bread into his eye, killing him. The producer announces there can only be one winner again. Peter tries convincing Kantmiss to commit suicide with him by ingesting poisonous berries, to not give those in charge the satisfaction of them fighting to the death; Kantmiss kills Peter with an arrow, saying it is nothing personal. Afterwards, Nick Fury and the Avengers show up, with Fury saying he wants Kantmiss to join the Avengers team as a replacement for Hawkeye. Then, the Avengers all die in an explosion.