Dave's (Zachary Knighton
) tastes in music are...questionable at best. He was able to procure six tickets to the Rock Bottom Remainders concert, which is, like only, THE most popular rock band in the world...made up entirely of best-selling authors. And while Brad (Damon Wayans Jr.
) and Jane (Eliza Coupe
) harrumph a few times at that, Alex (Elisha Cuthbert
) wants to invite everyone over to their new place for Thanksgiving dinner. Jane has no problem with that, even though she started prepping for it two weeks ago, complete with a turkey ice sculpture she made (with a live turkey modeling for her.) But Alex and Dave's it is for T-Day, which unbeknownst to everyone will include Dave laying some massive guilt on everyone because he is Native American. Seriously, he's 1/16 Navajo...who didn't even live on that side of the United States and weren't part of the first Thanksgiving. (That was the Wampanoag tribe, and yes I looked that up.)
Alex had the turkey made, but Dave needed clams for his authentic Native American meal he intended to make. Since they didn't have any, he put on his Native American fringed jacket and went out to buy them. (Not even Alex's Navajo-ho tee-pees could cheer him up.) At a gas station, a couple dressed as pilgrims asked him for a few dollars to fill their car with gas. Appreciating the irony, he went to the ATM to get some cash. At which point they promptly took his wallet and took off in his car. On the good side, he did find a store open to get the clams. On the bad side, without any money, he had to trade his clams for his jacket. On the good side, he remembered he had his Rock Bottom Remainders tickets on him and got a guy to buy them for $200. On the bad side, that guy was a cop and arrested him for ticket scalping. (DAVE: Scalping? The pilgrims drove me to it!)
The rest of the gang shows up. Penny (Casey Wilson
) brought some wine (ALEX: Wow, it's just like Sideways
), and Brad and Jane secretly brought a well-made turkey, thinking Alex would screw things up. A couple of sniffs by Jane proved her right. (JANE: Dry, unbrined, overseasoned. BRAD: And clearly she's been making it dance.) They quietly slipped Alex's bad turkey out the window. Meanwhile, Max's (Adam Pally
) contribution to the meal was a bootleg DVD of The Real World
: Sacramento. (That show has been on twenty years. God, I feel old!) Max and Brad had been on the show but it never aired because one of the housemates burned their converted firehouse down. (Yes, that's irony, Alanis.) They were able to see the episode where everybody came to visit. Of course, everyone's excited because it was the first time Brad and Jane met, and it was the first time Alex had berries for the first time. ("Overrated!") But Max thought it was really about him. Had the episode aired, he would have been the first openly gay guy on TV. ("Aside from Ellen, Rosie, all the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
guys, Norman from season 1...")
PENNY: Isn't it odd how our six-some was forged on The Real World and yet we never talk about it?
By the way, never trust Alex to bring the chairs, such as an exercise ball, a camping chair, and Penny got the sex swing. (ALEX: It's an ergonomic work hammock! The guy at the flea market clearly said it was for taking care of business.) Penny wondered how Dave didn't have a dining room with non-marital sex aids for chairs. Dave hadn't moved in his stuff yet, and Penny thought that was weird given the two had been in the apartment for four weeks. Alex denied anything was wrong, but then Penny suddenly thought she was weird for bringing that up with her, so she goes to consult Max. But Max figured as long as Penny still didn't have feelings for Dave that were manifesting themselves into her sabotaging their relationship, she should be fine. Now she was even less sure.
But no time for that, it was time for The Real World
: Sacramento! Which Brad vehemently objected to watching. Well, the dreadlocks he was sporting could be considered objectionable, but then Max was trying to act all street with the backwards baseball cap. Which, BTW, you should never do if you're using a Chicago Cubs cap. Max forwarded through Jill with the pre-onset menopause and the uptight girl in the glasses who eventually burned down the place, and went right to him. In the confessional, he talked about all of his friends coming, particularly his girlfriend, Penny, with whom he has a very sexual relationship. (Yeah, you already guessed: they never kiss on the lips or get busy in any way.) Still, Penny's look beat the hell out of Jane's Gwen Stefani
look or Dave rockin' the Seattle grunge look 9 years too late. (MAX: He looks like an extra from Singles
.) Brad's ready for filling up the hot tub, but Jane decides they need a sign up list because the hot tub only held six.
BRAD: (in confessional, and I'm ashamed to admit I remember those were called confessionals) I CANNOT stand that Jane chick. Kerkovich? More like Kerko-bitch.
And he gives himself a high-five, one of the many things he'll be giving himself for a while. Brad tried to cop to the editing tricks they did on that show, but Jane was ticked at the accusation of being controlling. Meanwhile, Penny tried to downplay telling Alex Dave not moving in was weird, but she actually made it worse. And the fact that the DVD showed her constantly checking out Dave...yes, grunge Dave...set off the Awkward Alert. She copped to the Real World editors like Brad tried to and was almost as successful. So, she tried to go one step further.
PENNY: It was 2002. It was a crazy time. We were all still reeling from the events of Vanilla Sky
. I mean, what is reality.
ALEX: I am so TIRED of people using Vanilla Sky
to defend everything!
But Max figured it was about to be all worth it because they got to the part of the DVD where Max says he's gay. He was talking to Jared, one of the housemates who had a booty chin, while they were eating. Max said flat-out (with a mouthful of food) "I'm Greg." (That's what the caption said.)
BRAD: You're definitely a hero to all the Greg's out there.
JANE: First openly-Greg man on television.
PENNY: They're letting Greg's into the military now.
Jane was still badgering Brad about what he said, but then the tables turned. She snuck into the guys' bedroom drunk and started calling for Jared. She climbed into bed, only to find Brad. But that was good enough for her and they got it on. Yup, Jane actually wanted Booty-Chin Jared. Brad, you may suspect, was livid their entire marriage was based on a mistake. (And can someone explain to me why Friends
is so vilified these days when other shows are now ripping off their scripts?) And Alex is not exactly mollified that this had become a night of True Confessions, so she tells everybody what Penny said earlier about it being weird Dave hadn't moved his stuff in yet. And everybody agrees it's weird. So she decides to talk to Dave about it, who wasn't even in the room. But it turns out Dave told her when he would move his stuff in because it was the earliest he could get movers. Alex didn't remember the conversation, but apparently she was eyes-open napping again (and drooling) when Dave told her. Thankfully for Dave, he got his car and money back, although he never got the concert tickets back. He even gave himself a Native American name: Has Ordeals with Clams. (MAX: Is that a legal name change, or is this like the time you wanted us to call you Lindsey?) And Jane and Brad made up when they realized how many things turned out awesome that started as an accident, like the slinky, Corn Flakes, Play-Doh ("Loved the way that smells but not the way it tastes."), and penicillin ("I needed so much of that in college!")
Finally, they settle down to dinner, minus the clams. And Alex couldn't believe how good of a job she did on the turkey.
JANE: (letting her have it) Yes you did. (toasting) To the Kerko-bitch sisters!
And everyone had a good Thanksgiving.