Much to Claire's (Julie Bowen
) disappointment, the Dunphys did not decorate their house for Halloween. Actually, a neighborhood petition banned it. She couldn't even carve a pumpkin (the petition was very specific). Given she scared a lot of kids last year...and gave one parent a heart attack with her Alien
-inspired costume, they were out of luck this year. She really wanted to scare the trick-or-treaters; she even used professional-grade makeup.
PHIL: That's the point, Claire! It was overkill. You're the type of person who can be twice as scary without makeup.
Cameron (Eric Stonestreet
) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson
) are trying to get their Halloween costumes right because Cam lost some weight. Of course, the costume shop still figured Cam would be the bull and Mitch be the matador, but there's actually a bigger problem. Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons
) wanted to go as a princess again (rather vociferously, I might add) because a tired Mitchell once told Lily her real mom was a princess and was very busy, so she let Mitchell and Cameron take care of her. Mitchell didn't know she would hang onto a bedtime story like that, but she did. And since Mitch didn't own up to it, Cam couldn't figure out why Lily was so obsessed with princesses. (MITCH: Oh, like we weren't at that age?)
While Jay (Ed O'Neill
) was unable to charm his way out of a ticket, or to get Gloria (Sofía Vergara
) to not be pregnancy-induced ticked off, Manny (Rico Rodriguez
) actually picked up some street cred with the other students. To clear his mind for a test, he was practicing his Gene Kelly dance moves in the hall...as one does...and he accidentally hit the fire alarm. Because of that, all of the students didn't have to take a test and were grateful to him because of it. Although one of his friends (in a California Angels uniform) told him not to join them at the park later because he had to apologize to the whole school on Monday, his other friend (dressed as a devil) said it was a chance to get in with the cool kids. Although he was certainly in better shape than Claire, because now all of the kids were avoiding the house for trick-or-treat. She even tried to go out in her Little Bo Peep costume to pass out "brand name candy" and only ended up snagging a little girl by accident with her staff and made her parents think it was a kidnapping.
At Mitch and Cam's, they were throwing a party, Cam was beside himself because nobody could see he lost weight under the bull costume, resorting to 'flashing' everybody (not in a perverted way) so they could see his body (actually, that is the perverted way), and Lily suddenly spotted her mommy. Actually, she spotted someone in a princess costume and Mitch had to explain that wasn't her mommy. But later on, Lily told the princess her mommy was one, too, and now Cam wants to know what's going on. Mitchell finally admitted the truth, and Cam brushed it off quickly. Mostly because he's told a few tall tales himself. They decide to tell Lily the truth, that they don't know where her real mommy is. But they convinced her her mommy wanted to put Lily with the most loving family she could, and she did.
Jay and Gloria joined Mitch and Cam, who had changed into a Mr. Roarke costume from Fantasy Island
so people could see he lost weight, only to be upstaged by someone who had lost over 100 pounds. Meanwhile, Evel Knievel
, or Jay, had to restrain Gloria, who was told she must be dressed as an illegal alien, since she wore an alien costume and...OK, she has a right to be mad on that one. Jay tries to tell her to calm down anyway, mainly because the baby is affecting her mood, and she thinks the baby is angry inside of her. And now she is freaking out about it. But Jay said being defensive about her baby makes him think she'll again be a great mom, which made her feel better. But then the two punks who left dog crap on their lawn earlier arrived and Jay decided a couple of rotten eggs won't hurt the baby much. And as a reward, Gloria let the princess hit on Jay for a few minutes to make him feel better about still being charming. (Jay thought she was a guy in drag.) But at least Jay complimented Cam on losing weight, and Lily decided to be Tattoo to Cam's Mr. Roarke.
Phil (Ty Burrell
) wasn't having much more fun trying to run an open house on Halloween. His logic was to pass out candy to the kids and get the bored-out-of-their-mind parents to look at a nice place. That didn't really work, and Claire was just as lonely being shunned by the neighborhood. Suddenly, Claire had an idea. Empty house, Phil by himself, and Claire needing to convince him she can be scary? Well, it turns out it's a lot harder than it looks. Somehow, Claire couldn't scare Phil, but she did leave her Little Bo Beep staff at the door, so now Phil thinks Claire snuck into the house. Phil starts looking around the house for Claire. But then an actual customer comes by, and now Phil is afraid Claire will pop out and scare them. Naturally, Phil goes crazy trying to keep the couple away from Claire. The good news is she still gave him quite a scare after they left. Or was that really her? (mwah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!)