Luke Dunphy: Why are there giant lollipops all over our front yard, and why do they taste so bad?
Alex Dunphy: Because they're made of cardboard, mouthbreather.
Phil Dunphy: Hey! The world needs dreamers, Luke. Never stop licking things.
Phil Dunphy: I got to be the top realtor of the year by thinking inside the box. That's right, I said inside. Because while everyone is chaising each other outside, what is the box?
[points at head]
Phil Dunphy: Empty.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I am not a hot-head, I am Colombian. We get excited. Our country is covered in coffee.
Manny Delgado: Just like the Starbucks girl when she got your order wrong.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Low-fat, decaf soy latte. How hard is that to hear?
Cameron Tucker: Why is she so obsessed with princesses?
Mitchell Pritchett: Oh, like we weren't at that age?
Mitchell Pritchett: I hear that you keep flashing our guests.
Cameron Tucker: Not in an inappropiate way. I just want people to see my body under this stupid costume.
Mitchell Pritchett: That's very close to what an actual flasher would say.
Jay Pritchett: You don't need that siren. You can stop traffic just by getting out of the squad car.
Police Officer: License and registration, please.
Jay Pritchett: I'm no stranger to Police Academy. I've seen all seven.
Police Officer: Sir, no one's seen all seven.
Skeleton: Trick or treat. Give us candy.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You're not even wearing costumes.
Skeleton: [Has a skeleton shirt] I'm a skeleton.
Lemon: [Has a yellow skirt] And I'm a lemon.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?
Lemon: Aren't you a little old to be pregnant?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Oh, that's a funny joke. Here's a joke. Knock-knock. What's gone? Your candy.
[Takes their bag of candy]