Community (TV Series)
Paranormal Parentage (2013)
Gillian Jacobs: Britta Perry
Photos
Quotes
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Britta Perry : Hmmm, calling for help. A classic... call for help.
[Pretends to talk on the phone]
Britta Perry : Hello, Dr. Perry's office. Damaged psyche? Yes, I'll accept the charges.
Jeff Winger : Heads, lock up your brains. Britta's on the prowl for fresh therapy meat.
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Jeff Winger : Happy Halloween parties, everyone. You all look great...
[to Britta, who is dressed as a ham]
Jeff Winger : Ham.
Britta Perry : Pig. Let me guess. You're a flimsy excuse to be shirtless, wearing silk underwear.
Jeff Winger : And you are as wrong as you are welcome.
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Jeff Winger : What's weird is that a living person lived here with his parents, well into his 60s. Then they died, and he's still here, like a paralyzed Peter Pan.
Britta Perry : Not for long. I'm gonna set my shrink ray to daddy issues and blast that sucker full of closure.
Jeff Winger : Well, I guess it can't hurt.
Britta Perry : Exactly, because, in one way or another, therapy is always helpful.
Jeff Winger : No, because there's no possible way you could mess him up worse. It's like practicing on a cadaver. Knock yourself out.
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Jeff Winger : Now, how does one search for a red notebook that doesn't exist without looking, touching or creating future nightmares?
Britta Perry : I'll check the nightstand.
Jeff Winger : I'll check my messages.
Britta Perry : Oh, my God. Pierce keeps his dad's bow tie by his bed. Yeesh.
[Pretends to talk on the phone]
Britta Perry : Table for Siggy Freud, party of...
Jeff Winger : Britta, stop answering phones.
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Britta Perry : Oh my God, Pierce is dead!
Shirley Bennett : Cornelius killed him!
Troy Barnes : [Immediately after, completely panicked] I BROKE THE REMOTE! Do you think it's expensive? Please, Pierce. Please don't die slightly before your time. This means we're next, and I care about us.
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Jeff Winger : What in the Scooby Doo is happening to you people?
Annie Edison : Jeff, just go to the part. We'll meet you there. We're gonna stay and help Pierce.
Jeff Winger : He doesn't need help. He needs attention. Are you really this naive?
Annie Edison : Am I naive? I'm sure as stuff not your sexy little ring girl.
Britta Perry : I...
Jeff Winger : Can it, ham. She's also my ride.
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Britta Perry : And that's why we leave the couples' costumes to the couples, she said wisely.
Jeff Winger : You should probably warn your boyfriend's boyfriend.
Britta Perry : Just because we're dating doesn't mean that we have to do everything together.
Jeff Winger : Well, you need to do some things together.
Troy Barnes : We do some things.
[Britta shoots a look at Troy]
Troy Barnes : We do a lot of things.
[Shirley gasps]
Troy Barnes : Not all the things.
[Jeff looks cockeyed at Troy]
Troy Barnes : Things.
[Troy awkwardly extends his arms]
Jeff Winger : Okay...
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Troy Barnes : That was Pierce. He accidentally locked himself in his panic room and he needs our help.
Annie Edison , Britta Perry , Shirley Bennett : Oh!
Jeff Winger : No, "oh!" "Oh" means we are going against our will, and we are not going. He's lying.
Troy Barnes : He seemed pretty upset, and he's been all alone up there in that mansion ever since I moved out, and his dad, you know, got killed by Jeff.
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Britta Perry : Troy said...
Jeff Winger : Pierce's bedroom is the third door on the left. I didn't leave my short term memory at Coachella.
Britta Perry : Jeez, Winger, keep it above the belt.
Jeff Winger : I'm sorry.
Britta Perry : Ahh... already forgotten.
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Jeff Winger : I do not have daddy issues.
Abed Nadir : [watching on a cc monitor] You get two minutes.
Britta Perry : Denial is the first step to acceptance.
Jeff Winger : That can't be right.
Britta Perry : Says the denyist.
Jeff Winger : Not a word.
Britta Perry : You want to keep digging this hole? Confronting your daddy issues now could prevent you from ending up haunted, like Pierce.
Jeff Winger : I'll never end up like Pierce.
Britta Perry : Won't you?
Jeff Winger : No, because I'm nothing like him.
Britta Perry : Aren't you?
Jeff Winger : Are you gonna keep doing that?
Britta Perry : Am I?
Jeff Winger : The worst therapist? No, because you're not a therapist.