- Logan Mitchell: I hate being laughed at - like that one time in the third grade when those kids pantsed me in the cafeteria.
- Kendall Knight, James Diamond, Carlos Garcia: [together] We said we were sorry.
- [Gustavo begins his schmoozing preamble]
- Sam Sellmart: Stop right there, Big Clem. You see them boxes behind you? They are empty. I wanna fill 'em with merchandise, get 'em to my stores, and make me some money. Now, quit ticklin' my side parts and pitch me.
- Katie Knight: Haven't you ever heard the expression "The customer's always right?"
- Reginald Bitters: I don't listen to hip-hop.
- James Diamond: Okay, we need to combine our strengths to create the perfect Selmart merchandising product.
- Logan Mitchell: Mine are high I.Q., adorable dimples, and chemistry. And yours are?
- James Diamond: Girls, girls, hair, and girls; so, with your chemistry genius and my knowledge of girls, we can create a totally awesome...
- Logan Mitchell: Chemistry girl?
- James Diamond: Perfume. Bieber's got one, Usher's got one, and we smell way better than them.
- Logan Mitchell: I hate it when people laugh at me - that one time at summer camp when those guys put a sign on my back that said "Fart on me."
- Kendall Knight, James Diamond, Carlos Garcia: [together] We said we were sorry.
- Logan's Action Figure: Let's get some hockey balls and play a hockey game!