Manny Delgado: I may not be the tallest or the most athletic, but someday I will be the richest. Which is good, because the ladies love that, and I've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.
Mitchell Pritchett: [to Cameron on the phone] Okay, it's Toontown, not Toonton. You've been watching too much PBS.
Jay Pritchett: Dee Dee and I were supposed to take the kids to Disneyland, but that morning we had some sort of fight - surprise, surprise - and I ended up taking them by myself. Claire's biggest fear was running into the Wicked Queen; mine was that I married her.
Haley Dunphy: [to Dylan, in a Little John costume] Why are you dancing like that?
Dylan: This is what Little John does, maybe. I don't even know which movie this dude's from.
Jay Pritchett: I don't know what happened. Maybe it's what Robot Lincoln said about a man's duty or keeping the union together. Maybe I just chickened out. But I realized that staying with my kids was more important than leaving my wife. That's not the right decision for everyone, but it was the right decision for me. So I stuck it out 'till they were grown.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: [Offscreen] Jay, come join me in the Jacuzzi!
Jay Pritchett: And the universe rewarded me.
Jay Pritchett: Come on, it's a robotic president. What's not to love?
Luke Dunphy: It's a robotic president?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Manny, you don't look very happy for a kid who's riding an elephant.
Mitchell Pritchett: Everyone's staring at us. I haven't been judged by this many people since I forgot my canvas bags at Whole Foods.
Cameron Tucker: They're just seeing something they wish they had.
Mitchell Pritchett: A pet child?
Jay Pritchett: You know what the fight with Dede was about? I taped a football game over an episode of "Dallas". Who bails on a family trip to Disneyland over something like that? Ironically, Dallas was playing in the game. And I remember pointing that out to her, and then I remember a videocassette flying at my head.