Jay Pritchett: Claire likes to win. When she was eight, a little Girl Scout friend of hers bragged she could sell the most cookies. Damned if Claire didn't walk the neighborhood 'till she got blisters on her feet, and won by ten boxes. Best part is, Claire wasn't even a Girl Scout.
Haley Dunphy: [about her college acceptance letters] This whole waiting to hear thing has been a nightmare since the very first letter.
Haley Dunphy: I'm too nervous. I can't do it.
[Alex grabs the letter]
Alex Dunphy: "Dear Ms. Dunphy, we regret to inform you..."
[Alex trails off; Claire sighs and gives Haley a comforting hug]
Haley Dunphy: What? Don't leave me hanging.
[back to present]
Haley Dunphy: After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news.
[Holding up more acceptance letters]
Haley Dunphy: I have one school left. And the only good news I've gotten is that my annoying neighbor Becky is moving back east to Oregon.
Phil Dunphy: Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond to allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit?
Claire Dunphy: I haven't been elected yet. Come on, kids! We gotta vote! Honey, come on. Please stop filming.
Phil Dunphy: I'm just excited. After today, you are going to be a councilwoman and I am going to be a First Husband.
Claire Dunphy: Well, if you don't stop filming, you're going to be *my* first husband. All right, everybody, come on! You know what you're doing, kids? You guys are manning the phone banks. Alex, you're in charge of that.
Haley Dunphy: What? Why is she in charge? And wh-what's a phone bank?
Alex Dunphy: That's why.