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Rise of the Dinosaurs (2013)
1/2 (out of 4)
A special units squad is sent into a jungle to rescue a female hostage but on their way back the helicopter they're riding in crashes. Soon the group realize that their in a mysterious land where dinosaurs still rule and like the taste of human flesh. Originally titled JURASSIC ATTACK, it's clear that this film was simply made so it could cash in on the re-release of Steven Spielberg's JURASSIC PARK but there's no question which is the better picture. Sadly this here is so bad that even a company like The Asylum would be embarrassed by it. There's really nothing here that would make the viewer think that anyone involved with the picture had any intention of making it good. The CGI effects are beyond horrible but I'm sure most are expecting this. It's strange that no matter what type of dinosaur we're looking at they're always pretty much the same size. Just take a look at one awful scene where a dinosaur eats a man and just wait till you see how much blood comes pouring out of its mouth. If the CGI dinosaur looks back what's even worse is the horrid blood coming from its mouth. There's really no drama, no adventure, no laughs, no shocks or anything else that you might expect in a film like this. It's clearly just a rip-off of THE LAND THAT TIME FORGET, which its author gets a mention here. There's even a joke aimed at the Spielberg movie but I'm going to guess that most would have hit the stop button by then. Usually these types of movies can reach a so bad it's good level but this here never comes close to that. The best advice is to just stay away or at least not watch it until dinosaurs are walking the Earth again.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
What do we have: -really REALLY bad acting -really REALLY bad editing
-really REALLY bad sfx -really REALLY bad writing
Bad was to be expected. but the really REALLY bad, took my by surprise. I have weakness for bad monster movies, some, like dinocroc, frankenfish, abominable, shark attack, komodo, to name a few that turn out to be quite enjoyable. Unfortunateky, this one isn't. I managed to watch it till the end, so it's not a complete loss, but this one has too many flaws.
The only enjoyable performance was by Micheal Worth as an absent minded, offset, hippie professor. The others have the emotional range of an ironing board...they're not even trying.
The writing doesn't help either -unfortunately, because of the wooden acting, the dialogues fail to be funny. There isn't any real chemistry between any of the actors, the lead is as inspiring as a leader as a crash test dummy, the antagonist took acting lessons from Jar-Jar Binks, and the others walk around as if a blind man gave directions.
More so, a T-Rex can be easily killed with a pea-shooter -though later on they use an RPG -you gotta have an explosion as a climax -explosions always work as a climax. right? Smart & Intelligent velociraptors run into a hail of bullets like mindless zombies, and the military rescue subplot seems as if someone thought that if it worked for predator, it will work for this movie. Sorry to disappoint you.
I mean the story is all over the place, terrorist commie guerrillas, hostage hot female bio-chemist, colonel vs. suit at hq, bio-chemical virus / agent being released, the nutty professor, the rescue team, the history between commie guerrilla leader and the rescue team-leader, and then there are the dinosaurs..they are...well just there.
On top of that, the special effects are truly bad -in fact stop motion in 1933 didn't have such jerky movements that for this budget they should have concentrated on fewer dinosaurs and betters animations. The models aren't that bad, but they look badly integrated, unfinished and badly animated. Not to imagine the fake blood and fake muzzle flashes.
It makes you wonder who gives the go ahead for this. Have they read the script? Have they any knowledge of movie (making)? Do they care?
I never understand why the writer(s) feel the need to put so much into what is -plain and simple- the ten little ... I mean the "and then there were none" (to use the more pc title) plot trick. All you need is 9 tourists and one pilot that crash into a remote place, ruled by dino's. The professor can be used for exposition and you have a pack of raptors hunting the 11 men and women. Picking them off one by one, climaxing in a showdown between (wo)man and alpha (fe)male.with some movies - especially monster movies- I prefer the KISS approach. Keep It Simple Stupid. oh well...
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Another typical Syfy movie channel show. First of all this appears to be an American armed forces mission yet there are numerous foreign accents that are so obvious that they don't even try to hide them. Then there is the military team with all the older guys that are part of the team. I am not against older soldiers but I don't think that they would go on a drop mission where they might slow the unit down. The smarmy bad guy is also typical of the Syfy network movies. He seems really evil but is just a clown who overacts. The dinosaurs have no reason to exist outside of the movie plot. There is not even a decent explanation for their existence. The fact that there are enough prey species to support the predators is ludicrous to say the least. Enough dinosaurs to have a viable population would show up on the satellites and be investigated. The weirdo they find studying the dinosaurs is only there to provide some continuity and of course info. Why do I waste my time with these movies? Well I hope to find a decent one from time to time.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I hate much of SyFy's movies with a passion and have made no secret of
it. There is however something compulsively watchable in how bad they
are, and they can be somewhat entertaining as a result when they're not
insulting your intelligence, and it is interesting to see if they ever
do make a halfway decent movie. The good news is that not all their
movies are terrible, there are some watchable ones but essentially
seeing one of those is like a glimmer of good in a sea of mostly
Rise of the Dinosaurs/Jurassic Attack is not one of the watchable SyFy movies though. It is a long way from their worst, but that doesn't stop it from being a major flop in so many ways. Its redeeming qualities are small and there are only two, one is some nice scenery and a fun performance from Michael Worth that is the definition of "diamond-in-the-rough".
Only Worth really makes an impression in the acting stakes though. It's a shame though because Corin Nemac and Vernon Wells have far too limited screen-time to really save the movie, and they have proved themselves to be decent actors. I wouldn't say that Gary Stretch is a terrible lead, but he is rather uninspiring and he doesn't stand out amongst the many actors in this particular type of role. The rest of the actors badly over-compensate, Israel Saez De Miguel especially acts like he is in a pantomime, complete with accents that really grate. There is no chemistry at all between them, and it really is a waste when the actors don't look as though they care a bit for their situation and just go through the motions instead. You'd think that with good characters and dialogue that it would help a little.
Actually, the characters and dialogue were really not up to snuff and seemed to be contributing towards why the acting was so bad. Rise of the Dinosaurs/Jurassic Attack doesn't give us any time to let us connect with the characters, they are not developed well at all and instead of having any charm or likability they are irritating instead. The worst case is the villain Marquez, I found him incredibly annoying and there were even instances where I questioned whether there was any need for him at all other than SyFy movies seemingly having to have a villain in some shape or form. Like with the characters, the dialogue wastes no time in using every cliché in the book and the whole script just reads of an endless list of cliché after cliché after cliché. The banter and arguments are wildly overplayed, probably an attempt by the actors to give credibility to the characters and the writing. People may say that it was a sign of them enjoying themselves, but actually seeing the overall standard of their acting(over-compensating and completely indifferent to their situations) I find that hard to believe.
The story is very little better. It is one that I have seen in variations so many times in so many movies that I just know what is going to happen and it takes away from any enjoyment to be had. People may like the little homages/references, there's always one or two lurking about with SyFy, but others will find that they come too late when they are this close to turning the television set off. I belong in the latter group, and I only didn't turn off the television, no matter how tempting, because I don't believe in judging a movie without seeing the whole thing. There is no fun because it's predictable, the dialogue is terrible and there's a lot of overacting going on, there are no suspense or thrills because again there's nothing exciting or new, the pacing is all-over-the-map(with scenes like the attacks rushed and the basic backbone of the story gets dull after a while) and the attacks are like watching a really bad cartoon. Even worse, it is very under-explained and illogical, characters' motivations, various scenes and plot points are touched upon but never expanded or developed. I constantly found myself asking questions like how Roxton lived with dinosaurs without food or being eaten, or why a member of the army squad is wearing earrings. The scene where a dinosaur is shot from three metres away really tipped the iceberg in terms of sheer idiocy.
Scenery aside, Rise of the Dinosaurs/Jurassic Attack is made poorly. The camera work never rises above average-at-best television quality and the editing is choppy, especially in any of the scenes involving the dinosaurs, but it was in the special effects where things really got pear-shaped in this regard. The dinosaurs are some of the worst-rendered I think I've ever seen, looking really artificial in design and colour and as though they had been thrown into the movie at very last minute. I know it's low-budget, and I knew to expect these flaws, but at least look as though some effort at all was made, with this movie I didn't see very much. This is particularly true in the attacks, especially with the soldiers, where my aforementioned bad cartoon comparison applies. The music is generic and unmemorable and either doesn't fit with the atmosphere or is too obvious.
Overall, the scenery and Worth are good enough but the rest contribute towards a real failure of a dinosaur movie. 2/10 Bethany Cox
When their mission to capture a renegade general and a kidnapped
scientist goes awry, a team of soldiers learn they've stumbled onto an
ancient valley filled with live dinosaurs and must try to get away
before they all fall victim to the creatures.
This turned out to be quite an enjoyable effort that could be fun once it overlooked the cheesiness. There's a huge amount of that spread throughout here, once again featured from the absolutely atrocious and ridiculous CGI used for the dinosaurs that don't have any sort of consistent movement beyond three general attack behaviors throughout as well as the constant size discrepancies in the scenes and totally ridiculous-looking animation effects for the attacks. While these look really bad, and there's a couple problematic story lines in play that don't make any sort of sense at all, there's some fun here with a lot more action than expected, including a rather fun takeover of the rebel hideout in the jungle which devolves into a series of fun firefights that are pretty enjoyable. As well, with the creatures continuously on the group that leaves for plenty of high-quality confrontations and kill scenes to make up for it's shortcomings. Overall, this one wasn't too bad even with a few flaws.
Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence and Language.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
An elite commando unit must fight for survival in a remote South African jungle that's populated by lethal predatory dinosaurs. While director Anthony Fankhauser keeps things moving along at a brisk pace and stages the plentiful action with rip-roaring panache, this film alas falters because of the painfully cruddy CGI dinosaurs who aren't remotely convincing for a minute (the digital blood and muzzle flashes are likewise pretty lousy and look super fake throughout). Fortunately, the bulk of the cast do their best with the silly material, with particular praiseworthy contributions from Gary Stretch as the rugged Captain John Steakley, Natascha Berg as foxy biochemist Angeles Ibanez, Alicia Ziegler as the feisty Sarah Haldeman, Corin Nemec as the hard-nosed Colonel Carter, Vernon Wells as the jerky Agent Grimaldi, and Michael Worth as the flaky Professor Roxton. Unfortunately, Israel Saez de Miguel hams it up atrociously as cackling evil no-count baddie Marquez. Moreover, Rafael Jordan's by-the-numbers script staunchly adheres to a straight-down-the-line predictable trajectory whereby it's really obvious from the get-go as far as which specific characters are going to survive in the long run, which in turn negates any genuine tension this movie might have had. A strictly so-so diversion at best.
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