It's a beautiful night, and Penny (Casey Wilson
) looks out over the Chicago skyline. The man of her dreams gets down on one knee and promises it'll be a perfect marriage...of ADRENALINE AND DANGER!!! They suit up and get ready to base jump. (Gee, if only they could find a tall building in Chicago where they could do that.) He jumps. She doesn't. She decides to walk down the stairs. For the first flight. Then trips and falls down the remaining floors. Oh, did we mention Penny had a camera on her helmet? That was one viral video the gang enjoyed while Penny seethed in a full body cast. (PENNY: I did not make it out unscathed. I am very scathed.) The only thing to top that is Alex (Elisha Cuthbert
) and Dave (Zachary Knighton
) announcing they are casually seeing each other. (Um, Zach? The Backstreet Boys called. They want their hair back.) Actually, everybody knew it. And didn't really care. But Alex promised things wouldn't get weird; they'd just be friends with benefits. And poor Penny can't even get anyone to put her chip in the dip (not a euphemism). But she can get Max (Adam Pally
) to take a bite of it.
Brad (Damon Wayans Jr.
) appeared to be enjoying unemployment, but Jane (Eliza Coupe
) was enjoying it even more because she could be with him. She thought he could finally relax for a while and get into some of those hobbies he always wanted to, like dance-cooking and his ventriloquism. His name is SinBrad. Which is weird, because the dummy looked more like Chris Rock
, circa 1991. (SINBRAD: Yo mamma so fat, she died.) Brad was totally up for it...until Jane left and he shed his robe to reveal his suit and a briefcase. Yup, he found another job...at a workplace that makes Dunder-Mifflin look like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. And that's BEFORE the guys badly quoting movies and TV shows.
And apparently, Dave's hair wasn't the only thing he got from 15 years ago. Trying to act casual with Alex in front of Jane was...awkward. And she wasn't much better. But, they were bros (which really confuses those of us who were totally turned on by Elisha in her Marilyn costume last season), and they were keeping it cazsh. And Jane agreed with the rest of us it was weird, as she left the two talking "like two of Scott Caan
's groomsmen." But with nobody else to hang out with, Alex and Dave just decide to hit the sack.
Penny, as you may have guessed (or not) makes the worst patient, and likes crust on her bread about as much as Joan Crawford likes wire hangers. This sent Max, who was taking care of her, over the edge, and he was ready to walk out. Until Penny's physical therapist stopped by. Meanwhile, Alex was doing a poor job of being in a casual relationship with Dave, if wearing one of his shirts like a dress out to the bar was any indication. She's in full denial, of course, claiming they even slept head to toe. That doesn't count.
JANE: Yes it does. You know what doesn't count? The Heat's most recent championship. It was an injury-plagued, strike-shortened season, so Lebron still needs six rings to even get in the conversation with Jordan. And Chris Bosh? He looks like one of Omar's boyfriends from The Wire
(I don't know if that was really funny; I'm just a huge Bulls fan.)
But Alex is so determined to prove she's just FWB with Dave, she calls over one of the bartenders and gives her Dave's number.
Penny getting stretched out by her therapist may as well be porn to Max. So much so, he cast-blocks her with the doctor, who was going to take her cast off the next day. The cast has to stay on another week, and the doctor 'ordered' Penny's therapist to start showing up every day in bicycle shorts and a Jim McMahon jersey.
Brad has really taken this 'unemployment' thing to new levels, even putting up a background of their apartment at work so Jane thinks he's at home when they videoconference. Although to his credit, he got home and made dinner. Jane loves her "stay-at-home husband. Her cute little Mr. Wife. Her wifey. Her girl. Her little girl. Her bitch. You're my bitch! My tiny little bitch!" Oh, and Alex joined them for dinner, BTW. Jane still wasn't convinced about Alex being cazsh, but Alex was convinced Dave will go out on a date, have sex with the bartender, they fall in love, and...she runs out of the apartment. And finds a rather large person (who looks at lot like Clay Matthews from the Green Bay Packers, which is ironic for a Chicago-based show) to pretend to be her date so she could 'run into' Dave while he was on his date with the bartender.
SINBRAD: That girl's so whack, her first name should be Knick-Knack-Paddy.
Penny was quite surprised when her doctor called and claimed she was in Bolivia. Two seconds later, she was tearing Max a new one. ("You're Misery
-ing me!"). Max was sorry, or so he said. ("You sleepy-tea'd me!") And out Penny went while Max waited for his hunky therapist.
Jane calls Brad, who was at work. He pretended to be taking a bath, and that simply prompted her to want to come home and play "Loch Ness Monster." He sprints home and just barely gets in the tub (yes, still in his suit). And Jane comes in, fully naked (which we can't see, dammit) and is understandably upset at Brad lying to her about working. And making sure he got a good look at what he wouldn't be getting.
Interestingly, Alex didn't have to go through with interrupting Dave and Karissa's date with her oversized companion and 32 oz. beers. Karissa was from Florida, and a big Miami Heat fan. Ten minutes later, Dave and Alex were back in the bedroom. But he admitted it wasn't working. (ALEX: Seems like it's working just fine to me, but don't overthink it.) But Dave meant he couldn't handle seeing other people or seeing Alex see other people. And Alex was in total agreement. (DAVE: As Wendy Williams said something on her show yesterday that really resonated with me. "Girl, you can't move backwards in a relationship.") They decide to move forward in their relationship.
Max is totally into the stretching session (and yes, Kent is wearing bicycle shorts and a Jim McMahon jersey). However, the sleepy tea wears out and Penny gets herself out of bed. (PENNY: Kent, Max is Misery
-ing me! He's like Kathy Bates
, only fatter!) Penny tried as best as she could to get out of her bedroom, but she finally caught up to Max and Kent after falling out the window, getting caught in a gate, got peed on, and had kids write graffiti all over her. But she confronted Max, and Max admitted Misery
-ing her. But then, she had done something similar to Max long ago, so they were even. And quite sad they couldn't find anyone. Penny admitted she went through a Dave crush for a while, and Max was talking about someone else. Awkward.
Jane wasn't up for talking to Brad, but a few words from SinBrad got her going. ("Boy, you've gotten really good at that.") Brad quit the soul-sucking job he took and admitted Jane was right about needing some time off.
BRAD: See, SinBrad is the perfect metaphor for my life. SinBrad is me, and my job is my hand. Um...
JANE: Not your best.
But he promised not to let his job control his life or drift away from Jane. She forgave him, and they got busy. And she even gave SinBrad a little play.