Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe (2012 TV Special)

Jim Gaffigan: Self

Quotes 

• Jim Gaffigan : [about having a fourth child]  You want to know what it's like to have a fourth? Just imagine you're drowning, and then someone hands you a baby.

• Jim Gaffigan : No one admits to going to McDonald's. They sell six billion hamburgers a day. There's only 300 million people in this country. It's like, I'm not a calculus teacher, but I think everyone's lying.

• Jim Gaffigan : I've been trying to swim a lot, you know? You always hear swimming's the best exercise, but have you seen how fat whales are? Whales, they're like swimming all the time! It's not working, whales!

• [repeated line] 

  Jim Gaffigan : [about people in a hotel]  What room are you staying in?

• Jim Gaffigan : [on whales not being fat, but having blubber]  And I thought calling myself big-boned was a cop-out.