My Name Was Bette: The Life and Death of an Alcoholic (2011) User Reviews

A Bit Clinical

[jpspencer-14435 · 6/10 · 11 August 2022]

I chose to watch this documentary after it showed up in my Amazon Prime lists a few times.

Roughly 35 to 40% of this documentary was focused on what alcohol does to female bodies, in comparison to men. Although extremely important, I would have rather seen a little bit more emotion regarding the subject, rather than an anatomical recitation of alcohol's effects.

One Significant and Crucial Aspect of Documentary Missing

[AnimalsRule · 6/10 · 21 January 2022]

As important as it was to hear about the devastating effects that alcoholism can have on a woman, especially a woman like Bette VandenAkker, the aspect missing was Al-Anon. Not once did any of the individuals interviewed in the film talk about how they coped with their loss of Bette. It is fine to reminisce about the deceased person but in order to truly recover a person must seed recovery for themselves. The fact that they did not mention this crucial step in a person's recovery from the effects of the terrible disease of of alcoholism showed how much more is needed to understand the effects of these disease and what is needed to really recover. I speak from personal experience as my father, aunt and uncle all died from effects of alcoholism and Al-Anon saved my life.

A Must Watch

[brenmount · 8/10 · 8 November 2021]

Really surprised at some of the lower reviews here. Especially a man commenting on "woman" focus. Having lived my life around alcoholism...all you ever hear about is the "external" facing issues...this walk though what happens inside the body is excellent. And needs to be highlighted. That picture of a 62 year old woman says a lot about the internal damage.

Living with severe alcoholics is extremely difficult. You can't judge these daughters. This documentary was making amends and giving back...for tears of abuse and neglect. An addict yes...but their pain is still very real.

Sorry men that a woman's body was the focus...get used to it!

Informative, deeply personal, and captivating

[sheirerjohn · 10/10 · 8 April 2012]

My Name is Bette is a documentary that is both deeply personal and extremely informative. Sherri VandenAkker tracks her mother's descent into alcohol use and how it affected her own life (as well as the lives of her sister and father). VandenAkker is unsparing but never brutal in her portrayal of her mother's life and alcoholism. The film also presents rich documentation of the effects of alcohol use by women. Weaving together the honest personal story and facts within the framework of visual detail and a surprisingly suspenseful narrative makes this an excellent and captivating documentary. Highly recommended to anyone interested in the family and gender dynamics of alcohol use--as well as anyone who appreciates strongly informative filmmaking with powerful emotional implications.

Superb documentary of alcoholic woman

[anorton-354-900925 · 10/10 · 26 April 2012]

At the conclusion of this powerful documentary chronicling her mother's life and alcoholism, filmmaker Sherri VandenAkker calls her an "accidental feminist." The film truthfully, even relentlessly, details the physical and mental toll drink took on the once beautiful Bette, an accomplished nurse who loved her work. Nevertheless, viewers are left with the portrait of a hard-working, courageous woman who succumbed to a disease rather than a pitiful, weak addict who chose indulgence over discipline. This dual vision--the struggling, lovable human being who became a recluse living in "an animal's den," as her daughter Krystyn White describes her mother's home--makes the film a lesson in both the dangers of alcoholism and the challenges women faced as workers, wives, and mothers in the late twentieth century.

VandenAkker provides solid evidence of how women's alcoholism differs from men's in devastating ways: why women are less likely to seek rehabilitation; the link between drinking and depression in women; and the greater stigma attached to alcoholic women. Throughout, she skillfully interposes folk art drawings by Parker Lanier, a recovering alcoholic whose pictures movingly illustrate the loneliness inherent in hopeless alcoholism and the spirituality and hope provided by Alcholics Anonymous's 12-step program. Bette never recovered, and VandenAkker does not shrink from the isolation and squalor of her mother's final years. Still, the determination and joy of her two daughters--both of whom speak with sorrow and love about their mother--and their belief that their mother's life had beauty and purpose despite its pain, will bring solace to those living with alcoholism and enlighten others about this family disease.

Highly recommended for academic and personal use.

Such a wonderful film

[senjimomma · 10/10 · 10 May 2013]

As a clinician who works on a daily basis with addicts struggling to stay in recovery, I found this film incredibly informative and moving. All of my clients have watched this film and it seems that they have learned a lot about alcoholism but also about the struggles that families endure while watching their addicted family member in the middle of their substance use.

For me personally this film hit me head first. My own mother is a sever alcoholic and as I watched this film it was if I was watching the decline of my own mother.

Thank you for sharing the story of your mother and the life she lived. Thank you for allowing yourself to feel that pain all over again and THANK YOU for allowing us, the viewers, be witness to your healing through the process. You are strong and so many can learn from you and this film.

Kind of average

[hiero66 · 4/10 · 6 April 2019]

I found this documentary on a list of the best documentaries to watch on Amazon Prime. I'm pretty sure the list just went by IMDB rating. I would not include this on the top list. This is more of a tribute to the filmmaker's mom than a real documentary. There are some facts and figures, including a list of health ailments that can affect alcoholics. However, most of them were focused on the difference between men and women. Since I am a man, the figures solely comparing men and women didn't really do anything for me. I guess trying to make a documentary after your mother has passed away leaves you with very little material to go on besides interviewing a couple of family members and friends, and posting the same few pictures from the family photo album.

I found this a touching tribute to someone's mom, and probably better than I could have done, but by no means one of the top documentaries regarding alcoholism. Since Bette smoked for 40 years of her life and used a lot of pills, I would find that just as impactful as the alcohol.

Very well done with depth, scientific accuracy and emotion

[korte_yeo · 9/10 · 10 December 2013]

My Name was Bette was incredibly well done. Director Sherri VandenAkker avoids the temptation of emotionalism and somehow finds a way to tell this compelling, heart-wrenching story of her mother Bette's losing battle with alcoholism in a way that allows the viewer to have their own experience of a story so personal to her (as well as her sister, who also appears throughout the film.)

The story charts the inevitable decline in a deliberate and honest way, as VandenAkker and her sister add parallel commentary on the impact to them as small children through adulthood. Often these films can play on the heart strings, but this film is genuine, raw, as well as confident in the power of this story to weave itself into the hearts and minds of the viewers without a hint of well-intentioned nudging.

As a student of recovery films, and the latest medical and scientific discoveries with regard to alcoholism, and I found the descriptions of the affects of alcoholism on the body to be accurate, concise and presented in layman's terms. I would not hesitate to say it was the most comprehensive and most easily understood presentation I have seen in a film. The film also breaks down many of the roadblocks to recovery presented by religion and societal prejudices that make recovery even harder for women.

This film would be of great benefit for a Seminary pastoral care course focused on alcoholism and addiction, clergy training as well as for people in recovery.

Women, alcoholism, and daughters--Spoiler Alert (watch film before reading)

[TracyNineLives · 10/10 · 10 November 2014]

If you are the daughter of an alcoholic mother, you need to watch this film. The details may differ but our story is the same. Half way through, Sherri says something like: One of the hardest feelings was knowing alcohol meant more to her than we did. I feel the exact same way about my own mother and hearing Sherri say that made me feel not so alone. My mom drank herself to death 2 years ago. She drank as far back as I remember and it went from bad to worse after my dad died in 1994. Just like Bette, she died home alone living in squalor. I too had to hire a biohazard company to clean the human waste and remains. Since her insurance company wouldn't pay to clean the animal waste and bug infestation, my husband and I had to take care of it ourselves. The smell was horrific.

After my mom died, I was very angry at her, at the mess she left me to clean up, for loving alcohol more than me. I was so angry I went home, got drunk, woke up with the worst hangover and then it hit me! She gave me gift. She showed me how I would live and die if I didn't stop drinking. So I did. I also gave pictures of her house to a friend in AA who shares them with alcoholics he visits in prison to show them how this story ends for too many of us.

Thank you to Bette's daughters for sharing your very personal story. It gave me great comfort and hopefully it will do the same for others too. Bette is at peace now. No more demons to battle. Hopefully, you will find peace as well.

Essential for All Treatment Centers

[cbrooks-725-436965 · 10/10 · 29 June 2013]

The movie "My Name Was Bette" is an essential video for treatment centers and any health care setting. The genetic information is pulled from current research and is more accurate than most "educational" videos available today at double the cost (for institutions). More than 20 genes have been linked to alcoholism, though most "treatment" is received through the department of corrections - it is not adequately covered by health insurance and is largely criminalized in society. The video touches on important features of the disease: (1) prescription drug use, now almost always present in the alcoholism disease process as the result of over-prescribing and widespread availability, (2) failed treatment (likely) influenced by inconsistency in the standards of care (doctors, pilots, and other professionals receive long-term follow-up with drug-testing and other supports), (3) the tendency in society to project hope onto the normal ups-and-downs of life visible in the life of an alcoholic while the disease continues to progress inexorably from early, to middle, to late-stage symptoms, and (4) the rapid progression and gender-specific obstacles for women with alcoholism. The video covers more essential ground in one hour than most I've seen. Outstanding work. This video is a step in the right direction: A must-see for anyone interested in the disease.

Excellent and powerful documentary

[dawne-elise · 10/10 · 9 June 2014]

This film is brilliant and vital to all, but particularly to practitioners, addiction counselors, family members who love and support an alcoholic, and to those who are struggling to overcome this addiction. The film hit very close to home for me, as my mother succumbed to the disease this year. Watching the trajectory of Bette was very much like witnessing the struggle of my mother, particularly in the final years of her life. The film is definitely heart-rending, but the detailed exposition of how alcoholism impacts and slowly destroys the female body is extremely informative and powerful. Bette's life is shown in important detail in this documentary, and the memories shared by film maker Sherri VandenAkker, her sister, and other family and friends of Bette are poignant and extremely touching in so many ways. The film also highlights the need for more education on alcoholism by practitioners and the court system, which is often too quick to sentence offenders with incarceration instead of rehabilitation services which would be of true assistance to those struggling to overcome this illness. The same way that someone would ensure that a family member receives the best care to overcome cancer, heart disease, and other illnesses, so should they work to find the best care for the addict. Thanks to Sherri for shedding light on this disease in such a powerful way.

Informative and Emotional

[colleenwnek · 10/10 · 28 May 2015]

This film was not only informative, but brought feelings to the surface for me regarding my family's relationship with alcohol. The combination of statistics, medical facts, and diagrams along with pictures and stories of Bette through the different phases of her addiction were a great balance of fact and feeling. I still get emotional thinking about this movie weeks after viewing it. My thanks to Bette's family for their strength, honesty, and openness. I heard somewhere that the disease of alcoholism includes secrecy and shame. There is no secrecy and no shame in this documentary. Every subject is handled with tact and and person is allowed to be as they are, both in their strengths and weakness. If our society allowed for more support and less shame for addictions and mental illness, such as depression and anxiety, I believe that all of us could shed embarrassment and become stronger even though our weakness. This documentary is a step in that direction.

One of the best and most poignant documentaries ever made on alcoholism

[drsolution-1 · 10/10 · 18 November 2014]

With a remarkable talent, courage and generosity, Sherri VandenAkker became a first time filmmaker who brings to light a reality that is dismissed by our society. In the United States, the most socially acceptable way to cope with stress and depression is the use of alcohol. Physicians and health care professionals know (or are supposed to know) that alcohol is a CNS depressant. However, when a person is under alcohol influence, it feels just like the opposite! Women are much more vulnerable than men to the destructive effects of alcohol. The shame and guilt of women who drink, is frequently covered by their denial, hence the taboo of Female Alcoholism.

Unfortunately, the vicious cycle between depression and alcoholism, like the egg and hen, over a lifetime can snowball into a complete disaster of what was once the life of somebody who, like Bette, a skillful nurse had it "all": A beautiful gifted mother of two adorable daughters, who was full of life and intelligence.

This one hour documentary is a must see for everybody who like "booze" or has a friend(s) or family member(s) who are "enjoy" it too much. Therefore, a documentary for each one of us.

Written and directed by Sherri Vandenakker, the youngest of Bette's two daughters, "MY NAME WAS BETTE" is one of the best and most poignant documentaries ever made on alcoholism. Furthermore it specifically addresses the taboo topic of female alcoholism. The film confronts the audience to the indescribable shock that Sherri, a professor of literature at the School of Human Services at Spingfield College in Boston, faced the day of her tenth marriage anniversary in 2007.

A Profound Documentary

[missfork · 10/10 · 19 January 2015]

With honesty and courage, Sherri VandenAkker offers us a gripping portrait of her mother's struggle with alcoholism and its effect on her family. This film is raw in its portrayal of the disease and the squalor and sacrificing which accompanied Bette's battle. It is packed with the physiological and psychological effects of alcoholism on women, and is presented in a frank and easy-to-comprehend manner.

I am grateful I made the decision to watch this with my 12-year-old, as we have recently started a dialogue about alcohol and drugs. It was eye-opening for him - albeit a bit tough - and it certainly opened up a stream of questions. The tenderness in which Ms. VandenAkker circles back to forgiveness and family made this feel more of a story than a documentary. I have already recommended this to colleagues and friends and I can imagine it becoming part of the curriculum at both the high school and college level.

Mediocre

[mikekansasmike · 7 May 2021]

I found this to be mediocre. It was a bunch of people talking about how they miss this woman who died due to alcoholism. But none of them seemed too bothered about her while she was alive. Seems to have been produced out of guilt rather than inspiration. The voiceovers sounded like a boring computer voice with no emotion.

I might be Bette

[dlehnhardt · 10/10 · 24 April 2023]

Hi. Dana here. Mom, wife, daughter. DV survivor, trauma survivor, cycle breaker... ALCOHOLIC.

I struggle with so many of the same things and its a shame that theres not enough help out there for people, women, HUMANS like us.

Bettes daughters are amazing and so resilient and i pray my own child can be just as resilient although i may have set him on the oath i went down that was presented to me by generations of family before me:

This touched me in a way that almost NO other documentary has and I watch documentaries almost exclusively. I could be Bette. I might end yo being Bette. I learned more and understood my own disease more after watching this than any 'sermon', lecture, etc. SO POWERFUL.

Watch it. Absorb it. ESPECIALLY if you struggle like Bette did.

Outstanding, informative, tragic but ultimately a wonderful narrative.

[mastrait · 8/10 · 14 July 2018]

Outstanding, informative, tragic but ultimately a wonderful narrative of this woman's life.

This is a very sad documentary, told by the daughters and friends of Bette. In the end, and you should watch the whole film, you'll see that these folks really loved and cared for this woman. Sadly, Bette seemed to have a very hard time loving herself.

I found Sherri, Bette daughter has really approached this difficult subject with amazing candor and objectivity. It is a very well put together with concise information on alcoholism, especially in women, and a narrative that does not demonize her mother at all.

I was actually tearing up a lot at the end.

Straight speaking documentary about a nurse & her alcoholism

[derekwilson-31323 · 8/10 · 5 September 2018]

Never preachy but nonetheless makes solid points and risk factors about women at risk for alcoholism