'Inara, The Jungle Girl' launches viewers into the life of Inara a young girl in the military whose world comes crashing down when her father passes away after a failed mission to the ...
See full summary »
Athena, The Goddess of War (2015) launches viewers into a universe filled with Gods and Goddesses, Humans and betrayals, love and redemption. When Zeus learns of a plan by Hades to enslave ... See full summary »
An expedition discovers blonde 16 year-old Liane venerated by the native tribe in the African jungle and returns her to Hamburg where she is welcomed by her grandfather, ship tycoon Von ... See full summary »
Six female prisoners are given a weekend furlough to prepare them for their upcoming parole. While out, they all have miscellaneous sexual experiences, some good, some bad. One returns to ... See full summary »
'Inara, The Jungle Girl' launches viewers into the life of Inara a young girl in the military whose world comes crashing down when her father passes away after a failed mission to the island of N'iah. Inara curious of her father's death learns of a new opportunity to travel to the island and learns that the jungle and the women that inhabit it have more in common with her than she could ever know. Written by
During one of the film's video montages, the pedestrian crossing countdown sign is actually counting up instead of down. See more »
(at around 1h12 mins) The old man shoots the man, and then drops his gun. While he is moving to get the baby, his holster is empty. Seconds later, as he is taking the baby, his gun is back in the holster. See more »
The Internet acronym LMFAO = Laughing my ****ing a**e off. What I did throughout most of whatever the hell this is.
On some sort of primitive Amazonian island, where the cut off inhabitants can still apparently have access to breast augmentation, tattoos, bikinis and metal weapons, a baby is found by an errant wanderer. Flash forward 18 years, and said kid has been raised in mainstream society. She can somehow beat up four blokes twice her size even while drunk, and is the victim of two tiresome montages featuring a couple of the worst songs I've ever heard.
Wait, it gets better. She's invited along on an army expedition on the same isle she was discovered on (this is just a coincidence, by the way) and en route, the helicopter crashes. Problem is... We never SEE the collision, just a flash of white light. Obviously a victim of the high-end budget. As the only survivor, she is swiftly abducted by the resident female warriors, where she is almost immediately recognised (don't ask how) as their missing child from almost two decades ago, and consequently made queen.
Why does she accept all this so quickly? Why is she ready to give up on her old life just like THAT? How do this band of ladies procreate with no men around? Believe me, this is NOT a film to be asking questions. By doing so, you're likely end up in a straitjacket... This truly is a movie where the concept ( a bunch of Playboy rejects bounce around in minimal clothing for just over an hour) seems to have originated long before the script.
But WHAT script? This crap could have been made up on the spot. And that goes for the music too, which seems to have been put together by tone death monkeys on kazoos. The attempts at drama are so beyond parody, it's amazing the camera doesn't shake with laughter from the director at the pathetic pouting they call performing. In fact, I'm surprised ANYONE involved in the... Thing... could keep a straight face. Perhaps they were all on something, at the time of production (actually, that would explain a LOT).
I end with talking about the final 'battle', an exercise in such dismal amateurishness that it had me in absolute hysterics. These bimbettes take on a small army of trained soldiers in their swimsuits, in what must be the most horribly choreographed fight scene I've watched. The weapons NEVER make contact. A small tap sends a 6ft tall bloke hurtling through the air. We don't see anyone die... And yet, there are graves galore at the end.
If I handed out points for unintentional hilarity, this would comfortably be the best comedy I've seen this year. Alas, I do not. 0/10
2 of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?