Ser Jorah Mormont: There is a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand.
Jaime Lannister: I hope you're pleased. If you had armed me, they would never have taken us.
Brienne of Tarth: You were armed when we were taken.
Jaime Lannister: I was in chains if you recall. Our little match would have ended quite quick if my hands weren't bound.
Brienne of Tarth: All my life I've been hearing, "Jaime Lannister, what a brilliant swordsman." You were slower than I expected. And more predictable...
Jaime Lannister: I've been sitting in a muddy pen wrapped in chains for the past year.
Brienne of Tarth: And I'm a woman. I was still beating you.
Jaime Lannister: You were not beating me.
Brienne of Tarth: Maybe you were as good as people said... once. Or maybe people just love to overpraise a famous name.
[at Locke's command, two of his men hold Jaime against a stump. Locke grabs Jaime's hair, draws a large knife and holds it close to Jaime's head]
Locke: [disdainfully] You think you're the smartest man there is. That everyone alive has to bow and scrape and lick your boots.
Jaime Lannister: My father...
Locke: ...and if you get in any trouble, all you got to do is say "my father" and that's it, all your troubles are gone.
[Locke presses the point of the knife to Jaime's right eye]
Jaime Lannister: [whispers] Don't.
Locke: [teasing] Have you gotten something to say?
[Jaime groans painfully as Locke presses the knife harder]
Locke: Careful. You don't want to say the wrong thing. You're nothing without your daddy. Your daddy ain't here. Never forget that.
[Jaime sighs in relief as Locke moves the knife away and steps backward]
Locke: Here, this should help you remember!
[Locke suddenly lashes out, cutting Jaime's hand off. Jaime gapes at his severed hand, then screams in agony]
Ser Jorah Mormont: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly. And Rhaegar died.
Tyrion Lannister: Master of Coin?
Tywin Lannister: It would appear to be a position that best suits your talents.
Tyrion Lannister: I'm quite good at spending money, but a lifetime of outrageous wealth hasn't taught me much about managing it.
Tyrion Lannister: Ah, the return of the conquering hero.
Tyrion Lannister: Does he have a little jaunt in his step?
Bronn: The lad's practically skipping.
Tyrion Lannister: You were gone a long time. I trust you got your money's worth - or should I say my money's worth.
[Podrick places a satchel of gold on the desk]
Tyrion Lannister: It was a gift, Podrick! This is more than I give you in a year.
Bronn: He's a squire. You don't pay him.
Tyrion Lannister: Oh. Then it's much more than I give you in a year.
Podrick Payne: They wouldn't take it, milord.
Bronn: [confused] Maybe they're trying to curry some favor with the new Master of Coin?
Tyrion Lannister: Have you ever known a whore to turn down gold? They're happy enough to take it when I give it to them.
Bronn: [looks at Podrick] What did you tell them?
Podrick Payne: I didn't tell them anything.
Tyrion Lannister: What did you do to them?
Podrick Payne: Lots of things.
Tyrion Lannister: And they seemed to like these things?
Podrick Payne: Yes, milord.
Bronn: Of course they seemed to like it. They're paid to seem to like it.
Tyrion Lannister: Only they weren't paid.
Bronn: What're you saying? These ladies enjoyed him so much they gave him the time for free?
Tyrion Lannister: Is that what you're telling us?
Tyrion Lannister: Sit down, Podrick.
[Tyrion pours some wine]
Tyrion Lannister: We're going to need details. Copious details.
Edmure Tully: [to Robb] If I may nephew, I encountered a situation with one of my lieutenants at the Stone Mill which may have some bearing...
Brynden 'Blackfish' Tully: Why don't you shut your mouth about the damned mill? And don't call him "nephew". He is your king.
Edmure Tully: Robb knows I meant no disr...
Brynden 'Blackfish' Tully: You're lucky I'm not your king. I wouldn't let you wave your blunders around like a victory flag.
Edmure Tully: My blunder sent Tywin's mad dog scurrying back to Casterly Rock with his tail between his legs. I think King Robb understands we're not going to win this war if he's the only one winning any battles. There's glory to go around!
Robb Stark: It's not about glory. Your instructions were to wait for him to come to you.
Edmure Tully: I seized an opportunity.
Robb Stark: What value was the mill?
Edmure Tully: The Mountain was garrisoned across the river from it.
Robb Stark: Is he there now?
Edmure Tully: Of course not. We took the fight to him! He could not withstand us.
Robb Stark: I wanted to draw the Mountain into the west, into our country where we could surround him and kill him. I wanted him to chase us, which he would have done because he is a mad dog without a strategic thought in his head. I could have that head on a spike by now. Instead, I have a mill.
Catelyn Stark: Wait for me, Little Cat, he'd say. Wait for me and I'll come back to you. And I would sit at the window every day when the sun came up, waiting. I wonder, how many times Bran or Rickon stare across the moors of Winterfell waiting for me to return? I will never see them again.
[Tyrion is reviewing the kingdom's ledgers]
Tyrion Lannister: For years I've heard that Littlefinger is a magician: whenever the Crown needs money, he rubs his hands together and - poof! - mountains of gold.
Bronn: Let me guess: he's not a magician.
Tyrion Lannister: No.
Bronn: He's stealing it?
Tyrion Lannister: Worse: he's borrowing it.
Bronn: What's wrong with that?
Tyrion Lannister: We can't afford to pay it back. That's what's wrong with it. The Crown owes millions to my father.
Bronn: Seeing as it's his grandson's ass on the throne, I imagine he'll forgive that debt.
Tyrion Lannister: Forgive a debt? My father? For a man of the world, you're strangely naive.
Bronn: I've never borrowed money before. I'm not clear on the rules.
Tyrion Lannister: Well, ahem, the basic principle is I lend you money, and after an agreed-upon period of time, you return it with interest.
Bronn: And what if I don't?
Tyrion Lannister: Well, you have to.
Bronn: But what if I don't?
Tyrion Lannister: This is why I don't lend you money. Anyway, it's not my father I'm worried about, it's the Iron Bank of Braavos. We owe them tens of millions. If we fail to repay these loans, the Bank will fund our enemies. One way or another, they always get their gold back.
Robb Stark: [to Edmure] Do you think he'll sue for peace because we have his father's brother's great-grandsons?
Daenerys Targaryen: You're both here to advise me. I value your advice, but if you ever question me in front of strangers again, you'll be advising someone else. Is that understood?
[Tyrion, Bronn and Podrick walk through Littlefinger's brothel with a wagon filled with the kingdom's ledgers]
Tyrion Lannister: Podrick?
Podrick Payne: Yes, my lord?
Tyrion Lannister: After a long consultation with my colleague, Ser Bronn, I've finally found a suitable reward for the services you've provided over and above what might be considered reasonable. Tell me, Pod...
[they enter a different room of the brothel]
Tyrion Lannister: ...have you ever been with a woman?
Podrick Payne: No, my lord.
Tyrion Lannister: Wonderful. Genna specializes in first-timers.
[a curtain pulls back to reveal a naked courtesan]
Bronn: She's not bad with second-timers, either.
Podrick Payne: Uh, my Lord...
Tyrion Lannister: A fair enough repayment for putting your spear through my would-be killer's face, wouldn't you say? Now, as it happens Marei...
[Genna approaches Pod, caressing him. He walks backwards, embarrassed. Another curtain opens to reveal another naked courtesan]
Tyrion Lannister: ...is quite the spear-handler herself. She's here to thank you for staying by my side as the battle raged all around us.
Marei: He's handsome. You didn't tell me he was handsome.
Tyrion Lannister: Kayla...
[Marei approaches Pod. She and Marei start to strip him. A third curtain opens to reveal a very flexible courtesan]
Tyrion Lannister: ...is famous from here to Volantis... in certain circles. One of four women in the world who can perform a proper Meereenese Knot.
Podrick Payne: [overwhelmed] My Lord, I...
[Kayla spreads her legs, demonstrating just how flexible she is]
Tyrion Lannister: She's here to thank you for being a thoroughly respectful fellow who's never once failed to address me as "my Lord." Be back in time for my supper.
[Tyrion puts a bag of gold on the table and leaves with Bronn and the ledgers]
Bronn: Pace yourself, lad.
Jaime Lannister: When we make camp tonight, you'll be raped. More than once. None of these men have ever been with a noblewomen. You'd be wise not to resist.
Brienne of Tarth: Would I?
Jaime Lannister: They'll knock your teeth out.
Brienne of Tarth: You think I care about my teeth?
Jaime Lannister: No, I don't think you care about your teeth. If you fight them, they will kill you, do you understand? I'm the prisoner of value, not you.
Hot Pie: Oh, I made you something.
[Hot Pie gives Arya a bread shaped like a wolf]
Arya Stark: What is it?
Hot Pie: It's a wolf.
Gendry: Yes, it is.
Arya Stark: This is the tail?
Hot Pie: Yeah.
Gendry: Well, be safe.
Hot Pie: Yeah, you too. Don't get stabbed.
Gendry: You don't... burn your fingers.
Arya Stark: Goodbye, Hot Pie.
Hot Pie: Goodbye, Arry.
[Arya walks away and mounts Anguy's horse. She tastes from the bread. Hot Pie is about to enter the inn]
Arya Stark: Hey, Hot Pie!
[Hot Pie stops and turns back]
Arya Stark: It's really good!
[Hot Pie smiles]
Mance Rayder: I'm going to light the biggest fire the North has ever seen!