St. Vincent (2014)
Brother Geraghty: [Oliver's new Catholic school classmates welcome him, albeit unenthusiastically] Maybe as a 'thank you', you could lead us all in morning prayer.
Oliver: [as the class members bow their heads, he whispers apologetically to the teacher] I think... I think I'm Jewish.
Brother Geraghty: [to Oliver] OK, good to know.
Brother Geraghty: [addressing the whole class] Oliver thinks he's Jewish.
random members of the class: So am I... I'm Buddhist... There is no God...
[now everyone speaks at once, sharing their religious preferences]
Brother Geraghty: Yes, you get the idea. We celebrate all the religions of the world in this room, Oliver. I'm a Catholic, which is the best of all the religions, really, because we have the most rules. And the best clothes. But among us, there is also a Buddhist, agnostic, we have a Baptist, and we have a "I don't know", which seems to be the fastest growing religion in the world. And now, we have "I think I'm Jewish", which is a new one for the class, Oliver, so thanks for that.
Vincent: You never seen Abbott and Costello?
Oliver: No, sir. Are they old?
Vincent: No. They're dead. That's the oldest you can be.
Oliver: Or the youngest. Time freezes when you're dead.
Vincent: So this Irish guy knocks on this lady's door and says, you know, "Have you got any, uh... Any, uh... work for me?" And she says, "Um, well, you now, as a matter of fact, you could paint the porch." 'Bout two hours later, the guy comes back and says, "I've finished, ma'am, but just for your information, it's not a porch, it's a BMW."
[bar patrons stunned]
Oliver: What's Vin like when I'm not around?
Daka: [with Russian accent] He don't like people. People don't like him. Except cat, and you. Why you like him?
Oliver: He's paying me hourly.
Vincent: I'm showing him how the world works. You work, you get paid, you drink.
Maggie: You're drinking alcohol?
Vincent: ...I honestly don't remember.
Vincent: You need to defend yourself, or you get mowed down.
Oliver: I'm small, if you haven't noticed.
Vincent: Yeah, so was Hitler.
Oliver: That's a horrible comparison.
Vincent: Indeed. Making a point, though.
Vincent: [to Oliver] Do yourself a favor. Get a life. Stop living mine.
Vincent: A lady of the night.
Oliver: What's that?
Vincent: It's one of the more honest ways to make a living.
Maggie: [about Oliver's book] God, that's depressing.
Oliver: No, it's not. The tree was meant to give, so to be able to give everything and have nothing left is the best life the tree could ever have.
Maggie: Well, your father must think I'm a tree.
Oliver: Why would he think that?
Maggie: Nothing. Nothing.
Zucko: Come on, Vinny! Why do you always have to do things the hard way?
Vincent: It's more interesting.
Zucko: And a lot more painful.
Vincent: Don't ever become a pencil-pusher kid, they're spineless.
Oliver: Sorry, Vin, for your loss.
Vincent: Never understood... wh-wh-why people say that.
Oliver: They don't know what else to say.
Vincent: How about, "What was she like?" "Do you miss her?" Or "What are you gonna do now?"
Terry: It is what it is.
Vincent: "It is what it is"? Everyone's saying that now. You know what it means? You're screwed, and you shall remain screwed.
Vincent: [answering telephone] Come on, coward, try to sell me something.
Judge Reynolds: [at a custody hearing, the judge is asking questions about Oliver's activities with Vin that his mother was unaware of] Daka Paramova... are you aware of her occupation?
Maggie: [whispering, to her attorney] She, she works for Vince.
Maggie: [to Oliver] She works for Vince, right?
Oliver: [whispering to his mother] She's the lady of the night.
Maggie: [astonished, still whispering] What? Do you know what that means?
Oliver: [with total naïveté, trying to be helpful] She works at night?
Maggie: [later, leaving the courthouse, Mom is livid] I guess gambling in a race track is like a Math class, huh? You can learn how to bet?
Oliver: The odds.
Maggie: A bar, I guess that could fall under Current Events, right?
Oliver: [still with complete sincerity and naïveté] More like Social Studies?
Maggie: It's a strip club hooker that I can seem to get my head around.
Oliver: Commerce? Biology?
Maggie: Just stop talking.
Vincent: You got any money?
Oliver: Yes sir, $7.
Vincent: What is that, lunch money?
Oliver: Yes sir.
Vincent: Well, you might as well the hard way.