3.2/10
318
5 user 7 critic

Self Storage (2013)

The friends of a night watchman, at a highly secured self storage facility, are home from college and looking to party.

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Cast

Credited cast:
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Trevor
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Walter
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Jonah
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Freddie
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Jake
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Big Victim (as Tom Laughlin)
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Valerie
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Doc
Thea Trinidad
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Mail Carrier
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Hot Chick
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Waitress
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Sara-Marie
Lauren Bell ...
Jess
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Mumbo
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Storyline

Jake is the overnight security guard at a highly-secured Self Storage facility in rural Rhode Island. When his friend's party plans fall through, he invites them to his job site to throw a fiesta of his own. There couldn't be a better location: removed, no people, nothing but party... right? Innocent mischief turns a naughty night of fun into an evening of horror. We soon learn that some things were meant to stay under lock and key and certain places were supposed to be left undisturbed. The kids aren't the only ones at the self storage facility who are looking for a night of fun. Written by Anonymous

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storage unit | See All (1) »

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Horror

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for violence and gore, pervasive language and drug use | See all certifications »

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Release Date:

17 September 2013 (USA)  »

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Budget:

$1,000,000 (estimated)
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Soundtracks

Dubular
Written and performed by J Dubular
(Jonathan Granoff and Joel Scanlon)
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User Reviews

 
The best word I can muster is "pathetic".
22 October 2013 | by (United States) – See all my reviews

I'm not one to use hyperbole a lot when reviewing films. I never use "worst movie ever" or "this movie makes me want to rip my eyes out", etc. That said, this movie is awful. Although it's probably not the worst I've ever seen, it's the worst all-around film I've seen in a long time. By all-around I mean the acting, writing, directing, music, editing...the works. It's all bad with no real bright spot at all.

Without giving anything away, the film follows a young guy who works at a storage facility who decides to invite friends over to his job to have a small party after hours. Soon, the carnage begins and the party turns into a fight for survival. The filmmakers try their hardest to make the plot more than just a slasher film but their idea falls completely flat and begs for answers to logical questions...these questions are never answered as a result, I suspect, of lazy filmmaking. For example (of lazy filmmaking), in the first five minutes of the film, you see the main character playing guitar, smoking weed, and basically acting like a slacker. This montage during the credits is meant to tell us that this is the cool guy--but like any bad filmmaker--they use a series of stereotypical actions to show us this fact.

This model of using stereotypes is pretty much followed for every character in the film. So much so that some characters don't even appear to act like human beings, but cartoonish stereotypes of the type of person they are trying to portray. Even Eric Roberts seems embarrassed to be seen in this film. He has a very difficult time keeping his part together surrounded by such horrible acting.

The music is awful. Just crappy rock and alternative numbers that are probably songs from a band the director knows. They use the music like films from the 90's during suspenseful scenes: Play some generic metal guitar riff during chase scenes and some horrible rock song (with words!) during scenes you want us to believe have tension. Yes, it's that bad.

You get the idea here. This is a bad film. I would suggest only watching this if you are looking for a "what not to do in filmmaking" example or if you like to torture yourself with laughable movies. Otherwise, beware.


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