|Index||3 reviews in total|
This is possibly the worst thing I have ever seen. Soft core porn with
a bunch of actors who all look alike and really bad CGI. The director
films ENDLESS scenes of the actors showering and lying on their beds
fondling themselves. I mean the scenes go one forever!! Way past the
point of being erotic or remotely interesting. Who takes a shower for
10 minutes?? In Southern California with a water shortage? And then a
giant killer bee attacks them and turns them into zombies? Seriously,
my head hurts.
The actors ARE very pretty, if you like pretty men. And one of them even dreams he is straight and EWWW kisses a girl. But there IS a really hot black guy. And everyone wears tight white boxer briefs if you're into that.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
1313: GIANT KILLER BEES! is more of a gay fantasy than the B-movie
horror flick that I was expecting. It was directed by David DeCoteau, a
man with a long experience of making Z-grade movies, and this is
certainly the worst film I've seen from him thus far. The whole film
exists merely to have young, buff guys wandering around in various
states of undress.
The story is about a supposed scientific experiment that accidentally unleashes some CGI bees into the world. They turn people into zombies on occasion, but for most of the time they just watch people via 'bee vision'. The main emphasis is on having long, padded scenes of voyeurism. For instance, there's a ten-minute segment of a guy laying on a bed and caressing his bare chest, and another ten-minute segment of a guy taking a shower. It's all embarrassingly ridiculous.
This is supposedly about some ultra buffed up 'scientists' who all go
off to a Caribbean Hide away to research why bees are turning rubbish
at pollinating plants and stuff. They are all interns or something and
the boss guy sends his right hand man in to ensure they are doing
Then he gives them a dose of something and they go all 'killer bee' etc. Meanwhile the scientists all run around in their under garments playing with themselves and looking buff. That is basically it. The dialogue is terrible the acting and delivery of the lines is worst than infant school nativity with all the actors (I am using that word with a lot of poetic licence by the way) saying their lines as if they are not related to any lines that have preceded them a bit like acting in a vacuum; and I wish they all were in some sort of sound proof chamber as it would have made the viewing experience a tad more tolerable.
The plot then meanders off with bad cgi and more wandering around in their underwear. The sets are terrible the so called laboratory is just a ropey kitchen and the buildings look like they were inspired by Cuban urban neglect. Regarding the 'players'; I have seen more chemistry at a rush hour bus stop and the music is just wrong. It is all action packed and over dramatic even when there is zilch happening. The only reason I managed to watch all of this is because I was squiffy and kept laughing sadly this is not really meant to be a comedy, but I think with a bit of editing they could have had a half decent comedy of sorts on their hands; instead this is one to avoid.
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