Criminal Minds (TV Series)

Snake Eyes (2012)

A.J. Cook: Jennifer Jareau

Quotes 

• David Rossi : I can't imagine why not. We're only asking for fifty thousand bucks of taxpayer money so that FBI agents can play Texas Hold 'Em.

  Emily Prentiss : Hey, what about you?

  David Rossi : What about me what?

  Emily Prentiss : You could stake us the buy-in.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : Yeah, you're a best-selling author.

  David Rossi : No!

  Emily Prentiss : Why not?

  David Rossi : One, it's against regulations, and I'd like to hold onto this job for a little while longer.

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : It's a minor administrative violation.

  David Rossi : And two, I prefer to spend my money on actual things, like single-malt Scotch, a fine cigar, beautiful artwork.

  Emily Prentiss : Poker chips are things.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : Maybe just think of it as, like, a new experience. I mean, at your age, how often does that happen?

  David Rossi : At my WHAT?

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Rossi, this may be our only chance to get this guy.

  David Rossi : All right, fine. I'm a decent poker player, but I can't promise that I can stay in the game long enough to...

  Emily Prentiss : You know what? I bet you're a great poker player, but what if we sent in Reid?

  Dr. Spencer Reid : I am banned from casinos in Las Vegas, Laughlin, and Pahrump because of my card-counting ability.

  David Rossi : Look, I know I'm not a genius like the boy wonder here, but poker is not blackjack. It's about bluffing, reading human nature, head games. It's not math.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : That's not entirely accurate. There actually is a mathematical equation for knowing when to raise and when to fold. If "P" represents the size of the pot at the time of play, then P x N - 1, with "N" representing the estimated number of players at the final round of betting...

  David Rossi : Okay, fine. I surrender. Just try not to lose all of my money?

• Penelope Garcia : [picks up a phone]  If this is a sales call on a Sunday morning...

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Settle. It's me, JJ. I tried your cell. Listen, something's come up. You need to get down to the office pronto.

  Penelope Garcia : Oh, you are kidding.

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : I know. I wish psychopathic killers would be a little more respectful of our weekends, too, but what are you gonna do? Is everything okay?

  Penelope Garcia : No. Kevin and I got in a fight last night, and to self-soothe, I drank a lot of wine, and, JJ, you know I can't drink wine. Why did I drink so much wine?

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : You'll be fine.

  Penelope Garcia : No, I don't know. 'Cause right now, everything is blurring. Oh, my God. My hair hurts. How is that possible? He's coming out of the shower. I hate confrontation. It was such a fight. I hate confrontation.

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Then don't confront. Just kiss, make up, and get your butt over here.

  Penelope Garcia : [ding-dong]  What is this, Grand Central Station?

  [knock, knock] 

  Penelope Garcia : Oh, God.

  [opens the door to find...] 

  Penelope Garcia : Kevin.

  Kevin Lynch : I am so sorry about last night. I should not have stormed out like that.

  Penelope Garcia : You stormed out?

  Kevin Lynch : Yeah.

  Penelope Garcia : You stormed out all last night?

  Kevin Lynch : Yeah. What's...

  [Garcia closes the door and sees Morgan] 

  Derek Morgan : Hey. You see we gotta go in, right?

  Penelope Garcia : Yes. Yes. JJ just called me, too. Let's go. My things. This is mine and this is mine and this is yours. This is mine. See you there.

  [opens the door, to Kevin] 

  Penelope Garcia : Hey, let's go.

• Penelope Garcia : [Rushes in late]  Sorry, sorry

  [meeting goes on] 

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : [whispers]  How's the head?

  Penelope Garcia : [whispers back]  Not all the aspirins in all the pharmacies...