Troy Barnes: Hey, Pierce. Why do you look like a well-dressed murderer?
Britta Perry: Yeah? Well, great. Flowers look good in a pot. There are people dying in Uganda.
Jeff Winger: Wireless racism. The future of the past is now.
Britta Perry: When are we going to outgrow this outmoded concept of marriage?
Annie Edison: What, you're anti-weddings now?
Jeff Winger: No, she's just pro-anti.
Annie Edison: "Webster's Dictionary defines"? That's the Jim Belushi of speech openings. It accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it and nobody knows why.
Andre: Hey, anybody seen Shirley?
Abed Nadir: What? Shirley's late to the rehearsal for her wedding? Oh my.
Andre: Hey man, you don't have to be sarcastic.
Abed Nadir: I'm not being sarcastic.
Troy Barnes: We're heavily invested in your situation. Nothing's more important to us than your second wedding's rehearsal going smoothly.
Troy Barnes: We just watched the Inspector Spacetime wedding special, so we know how to act in a wedding.
Abed Nadir: Be sure to get a DNA sample from each of the guests. Once Inspector Spacetime ended up marrying himself as a baby.
Britta Perry: It may surprise you to hear this, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.
Annie Edison: Many people do.
Jeff Winger: My friend Shirley asked me to say something at her wedding.
Leonard: This is the rehearsal.
Jeff Winger: Shut up, Leonard! Those girls who play ping-pong with you are doing it ironically!