Milhouse: How come you get so many valentines? All I got were from my mom and my optometrist.
Bart Simpson: That's a bill.
Milhouse: No, it's not! It has a heart stamp.
Bart Simpson: Why would a dude do everything a dame wants on Valentines Day?
Homer Simpson: It's a trade-off. We do whatever women want on Valentines Day, and they let us blow stuff up on the Fourth of July. I just hope the two don't fall on the same day.
Bart Simpson: According to the wisdom of our elders, if you ride the swing the whole way around, your body will turn inside out.
Milhouse: At last, my beauty will be on the outside!
Lisa Simpson: What happened to you? You were so brave at the dessert bar.
Nick: I sure was. I'm allergic to chocolate.
Bart Simpson: I don't want to be the guy who killed everyone's fun. That's Skinner's job.
Principal Skinner: Don't look at me. I didn't kill everyone's fun, fun killer.